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What does one do when one is half-out??

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by GlindaRose, Sep 15, 2008.

  1. GlindaRose

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    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Ok, some of you might vaguely remember that I met this girl on the internet who goes to my school and we started talking. Anyway now we've met up. But that's not really the point, the fact is, after we started talking, she got outed by the website we met on and I was so-called outed as well.

    As it happens, it seems like I'm only really half-out at school. Her and her friends know, but the people in my house don't seem to have a clue.

    Now, I spoke to my friend on the phone about this: it's really tough having 2 separate groups of friends, and being out to one group but not the other. The friend said that I should come out before someone spilled the beans on me.

    I don't believe that anyone out of the group who knows would do that to me. However I'm finding myself wanting to be honest with the friends I've made in my own house. One day, one of my friends came back from a psychology lesson and they'd mentioned how gay people got shocked to try and turn them straight again.

    So me and my friends began talking about gay people. I figured out that the one who came back from psychology found it 'weird' but would 'still be friends with someone if they came out the closet'. Another friend insisted that she'd be completely fine with it. The rest of my friends, I don't know what they think about it. But so far so good.

    So I guess the question is: What should I do?? Should I risk coming out, even though I don't know what the reactions of some of my friends would be? Should I maybe tell only one friend? Or get to know them better and *then* tell them? Or not at all, but just leave things as they are??

    I'm also worried that if I tell them, they might tell other people. I think that although they'd respect me, the fact is, my school is a very gossipy one so I'm not certain that they'd keep it a secret from the people I don't want knowing. This school is the one place where I've fit in properly and I don't want to screw things up by coming out.

    So...help??
     
  2. biisme

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    First of all, until you decide what to do, can you ask your group of friends that knows, NOT to tell anyone?

    Secondly, I would try and bring up homosexuality again in the conversation. Then, if you want to, you can tell someone that says they're okay with it, and who is perhaps "quieter" than the others. The first person I would tell is someone who isn't known for gossip. I think it would be good to find out if the person you tell (if you tell someone) is if they already have friends that are LGBT. Because, just because someone says they would act a certain way, that may not be true if it actually happened.

    In the end, it is your choice. If you believe they will find out, I think it would be better coming from you. If you just want to tell them, I would say start with someone who you can trust. If you don't want to tell them, then don't.

    (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)
     
  3. Sam

    Sam
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    Do you want to tell them? Only do it if you feel its right. I would make sure the ones who know won't say anything. As far as telling your friends and worrying about how they will react or if they will tell anybody I would suggest that you only tell the ones you trust, the ones you know will accept you AND not tell anybody. Good luck!

    Sam
     
  4. Corny

    Corny Guest

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    Of course you could tell them not to tell the other group. I tried it like that a few years ago - mainly because in that other group there were some people whom I didn't want to know. It worked ... like for 2 months or so. It's really hard to control "it" in such dynamic environments - and if it's "normal" for the one half of your friends, at some point someone most likely just doesn't think about it, and accidentally says something and so on .. but that risk of course is much lower when those two halves of friends don't have that much contact except over you.
    If you really want to contain it, you have to think about some strategy. Sometimes outing is the easier way. As weird as that may sound :wink:
     
  5. GlindaRose

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    Thanks for the advice. The thing is, I'm tired of keeping secrets. I was hoping that I could just be honest from be beginning but as it turns out, I'm only half-out, not all the way as I thought I would be. I do trust the people I'm out to because they kept the secret of the other girl for a long time. (It was someone completely different who outed her). So I'm sure that they won't tell.

    I also really hate the fact that I feel like I'm always lying to people. I want people to see me as I am, not as someone I'm pretending to be. I don't want to have to pretend to be straight if they're talking about hot guys or whatever. I mean, I suck at acting. lol. Trying to pretend guys are hot is seriously difficult.

    Lastly, as I said before, this is the one place I've properly fitted into. I don't want to risk becoming an outcast to the friends I made here. As I said, I'm not really sure of their reactions yet. I might try and find out a bit more before considering telling someone. Then there's also the factor that word might leak to people that I don't want to find out. (Not from the group I'm already out to, but the one I'm considering telling) And I'm not sure if I trust them enough to keep it a secret.