i'm a coward

Don't beat yourself up for this.
It takes everyone different timing depending on circumstances
Things need to be right and you need to feel ready

 

You are not a coward. Please, don't say those things of yourself. Coming out can be a very hard thing to do. It takes a lot of time. (*hug*)

 

Can I just say "Coward" to "Coward". There is nothing wrong with being a "Coward", If anything its braver to admit that you are affraid than to act brave in the first place. Without fear we couldnt be brave. It will all happen in due course when you are good and ready. (*hug*)

 

Coming out to family (which I take to mean parents) is a big step, often filled with uncertainty. Sometimes we can predict our parents reactions, other times it's like diving into the unknown. There is nothing cowardly about taking your time to weigh up and consider how it might go.

Our families often have rigid and deep seated expectations about the behaviour and character of their members and coming out can (sometimes) upset the apple cart. We all want validation from our families, not disappointment or disapproval and it's that very fear of reproachment that can paralyse us as we prepare to open the closet door. Who wouldn't be afraid of that? Being held back by it doesn't make you a coward.

Take your time. Try to envision how it might go to come out to your parents and prepare in advance by considering the questions they might ask and having answers ready. Better to do that, than flail around for good answers and responses in the heat of the moment.

While you're at this uncertain stage keep talking and sharing your feelings and concerns with us.

 

There are a lot of reasons besides fear which determine when and how a person comes out. One very common one is not wanting to disappoint or hurt the person you are coming out to. Another one is not being certain of exactly what your orientation is yet. Another one is deferring the process until you are not at risk for losing a job or other important operating context. Another one is not having fully accepted that there is no shame for having been born into a minority group, which is beyond your control.

Just because it is not time for you to do it yet does not mean you are a coward, just that the situation is not right for you yet. When your time arrives, you will know it, and you will do it.

 

I am in the same boat buddy! I'm 24 and I am sad to say I think I will never be able to come out, I'm the real coward! Where I come from being gay is the worst possible thing you could be its a no no here, I want to be happy so bad but the fear of being found out terrifies me to the core. What I'm currently doing is getting into the police department and once I do transferring out of state where its at least some what gay friendly and trying to relocate and find out who I really am and what I really want out of life. Then maybe after a few years once I get comfortable enough with who I am then if I feel like I want to let my family know then I will. But right now I see no reason to risk anything at this time and focusing on my goals to get closer to my vision of where and what I need to do to get there. What advice I would give you is make sure you are 100% comfortable with who you are before you even think about coming out to anyone.

 

Hey! thanks for sharing your thoughts. I really needed to read all these posts here. I can understand what it means to come out to a family which we know would be deeply saddened or shocked or angry or hurt. 'Coming out' is like a step by step process and trust me you are not coward.You have reached a step where you have decided to come out to your parents.. when and how is something big to decide upon.
I had never in my life though that i would ever ever come out to my family, but here I am ... DECIDED. just like you. but it makes my blood run cold whenever i even think of it.. and try to make a speech or plan or gathering right set of words for an email. Its scary..but at least i am at stage where i have for the first time taken such a big decision and i know i'm doing the right thing.

 

Hey there, don't be hard on yourself. This is a big thing and a lot of people go through these feelings of not being ready. It's a sign that you should take some time to further how comfortable you are with yourself. Heck, look at the bottom of this page at related threads - all of them in a similar situation to you, so you're not alone in this.

Come out on your terms, there's no rush to be open about who you are until you're absolutely fine with it and ready to take on the world, which is a massive and admirable task for anyone.

 

Instead of thinking of yourself as a coward, I think you should mentally prepare yourself for your coming out by fully accepting yourself and preparing to deal with the reaction of your parents.

 

Don't come out if you don't want to. If you are completely comfortable with the idea, it's a better idea to come out. Good luck! :icon_bigg

 

Remember pal, it's completely up to when you are ready!
I'm still not ready to tell my parents after a year of being outish to myself...it takes time, but we'll get there!

 

your not a coward your human, ive known for about two years now and have only started coming out the last couple months its hard to come out
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You're not a coward. I am 29 and my parents don't know yet. But I will never tell them because they are really anti-gay. But everyone has their own terms and conditions. You can bring the topic indirectly like talking about a gay friend or a gay guy in school and you can see their reaction. Test the water and take your time. I am out to only single person but as I told you everyone has their own conditions. good luck(*hug*)