I posted about a month ago about coming out to my big brother and it went really well and stuff. Since then it's been alright nothing has really changed. I would like to tell some friends because I've been having a lot of trouble accepting this about myself, and I feel like maybe if other people can accept me then I can accept me too. And also there's this girl that I'm friends with and I really especially want her to know because I feel like something could maybe happen there but I don't know for sure and we aren't SO close that I would feel okay asking her point-blank. But here's the problem. My brother, in all his wisdom, does not think it's important to do the whole "coming out" bit. When he "came out" as FtM it really wasn't a thing. First it was oh I'm dating this girl and then second it was him deciding to go by his gender-neutral middle name and then finally it was him correcting people for using the wrong pronouns. No explanation, no "hey actually I'm a boy so please treat me as such" nothing. And I think it's caused a lot of confusion amongst his friends, some of whom still don't know that it's a permanent thing. I think coming out is sort of important not just for other people to understand you better but for you to understand yourself. But he's really adamant that I just wait until I have some girlfriend and then just spring it like "Oh I'm seeing someone and her name is…" He said "because straight people don't have to come out why should you have to make them aware" Is he right? Is that better?
Better is debatable. For some, it's no big deal. Like me, I don't advertise my asexuality on a sleeve because I don't think it's important to make known. It's just when people mention something about it, I add, "You know I'm asexual, right?" Which they don't, but you know. English and its sarcastic rhetorical...ness. However, others do think it's a big deal, and that's fine. I had to come out about my gender too - I couldn't do a subtle transition like your brother did. And that's OK. Sometimes, if you feel stressed and really just want people to know, then go for it. You can either change your facebook profile and make it so that it publishes to your wall or post a status update that says that you're pansexual. Do what you want. Seriously. A casual "coming out" for your brother may do it for him, but it might not for you. So experiment. See what you like. Then do it. Good luck!
I'm having a hard time accepting this about myself. For many years I've considered myself asexual and I was alright with that. I had a boyfriend for seven years and it was fine. I thought I would marry him and everything was figured out. But now I'm thinking I'm more than a little bit gay. I've become aware that it's just men that I don't feel sexually attracted to. And so for now I'm calling it pansexual because I do love this boy just not in the same way he loves me and I could see myself being happy with a girl or someone non-binary or trans. But I think maybe I could actually be sexually attracted to a girl and I need to find out before I can proceed with my life plans. But I'm really having trouble accepting this about myself and there are many days where I wish I had stayed repressed and never realized that I could possibly experience anything remotely sexual and not be horrified by it. I trust my brother implicitly and generally I trust his advice more than anyone else's. And since he's been through this (and is not out on Facebook) I thought maybe he really knows what he's talking about. I don't want to make things worse for myself. I'm sorry if it rambled my thoughts on things lately are sort of jumbled up ><
Oh, no, I understand. I felt the very same about the gender, but I realized that, if I continued to repress it, I would've thought there was something wrong with me. But now I know there's not. I think, before you come out, you should be sure of how you feel. You can always come out as questioning, but people may start telling you labels and it'll just make it into a big, huge mess. Really, I'd like it if we all followed your brother's advice for coming-out-not-really, but there may never be a situation that you can just "spring" it on people, and if you're getting pressured right now, it's also a way to seek out help and support. The reason why LGBT+ people come out is because a lot of people do not support them while straight people don't have to come out because it's considered "the norm". So, if you think you can wait and sort it out yourself, definitely go for it. But ultimately, it's your choice. Not mine, not anyone on this forum's, not your brother's or your family's, but yours.
If you have any doubts at all, I would suggest just quietly changing your "who do you like" and leaving it otherwise alone, then maybe once people know make it official. I nearly came out on Facebook, and now I'm really glad I didn't, because it turns out that my school is kind of homophobic. I especially suggest not coming out on Facebook for you, since you're still defining your orientation, and having came out to everyone as one thing and then deciding you want to be identified as something else (panromantic homosexual, etc.) might make things awkward and lead to people not taking your orientation seriously.
