I couldn't count how many times tonight I thought of saying "I'm gay" to my parents. I'll just be doing whatever and when I get a free thought its saying "I'm gay." When I walk into a room, I have to stop myself from coming out. This is happening everywhere. Anytime I'm talking to someone important in my life "im gay" pops up in my mind. Am I getting prepared to come out or something? I've always heard that there's a right time to come out, and I think I'm just building up inside and I'm actually going to say something about my being gay one time. Any experience with this? Where the need to come out just increases and increases until it pops out of you?
There's no one 'right time'. For me, one day I just woke up and knew it was time. I was tired of the lies. Of course, after my parents showed that they have NO idea about anything outside the gender binary, I decided to just come out as pansexual for now. I am, however, telling them I'm agender as well soon. I don't want to start feeling crushed under lies again. So sort of, I guess. There has been times lately, ESPECIALLY when people try to coax me into playing sports at school, where I just want to yell "YO! I'M NOT EVEN A GUY. NOT A GIRL EITHER, BUT NOT A BOY." I think for you it might just be best to come out and say it. Get it over with and then get back to life as it should be. Good luck! <3
I'm going off the assumption you have anti-gay parents (As you did make a thread a few months ago about having anti-gay parents. Assuming their opinions have not changed since then, this reply may be relevant.) I can relate, since I've been going through a similar situation. The pain is tremendous. Living a life that you are not. Not being completely yourself. Always leaving apart something innate within you because it would cause a negative reaction from your parents. I can completely sympathize with you. It sucks. It hurts. The pain is unimaginable. Unfortunately, the decision will ultimately be yours. You know your parents more than I do. It may cause stress and tension within the household. You may get kicked out when you turn 18. Or, they may come around and accept it. Consider your safety and situation first. If you are concerned about your safety, it may not be best to come out yet, even if you feel you must. However, if the stress is taking too much of a toll where you do feel like you have to come out, then it might be better to do that. As I've said before, I've never met your parents, so I can't fully grasp how they would react or what consequences would result from your coming out. But what I can say is, hang in there. (*hug*) There's plenty of people here (including me) that have gone through similar situations. Just know that you aren't alone, and if you have any concerns or questions, the community is always willing to help. If you are having any suicidal or self-harm thoughts, it may be best to seek help. I want to cry everyday when I hear stories like this. I found myself crying when I watched the video of the guy who got kicked out by his parents for coming out. I was later relieved that there was enough caring and kind people in society that would help such a person in need. It gave me hope that society was warming up to the LGBT folk.
If I had my way, I'd open a support home for LGBT young people to escape to. If I win the lottery I would. When I came out, I sat in my parents living room for 20mins waiting for them to come home and then I told them togther. They took a while to digest it but they came around in the end.
I know how you feel. I wrote a coming out letter to my parents this past Saturday with the intention of giving it to them the next day. A few days have passed now. As much as I want to hand it over, I just can't. I know that I'm ready, but I still can't give up the letter.
I always feel like a letter is the easiest way to come out. When i wrote mine it was almost 4 pages long. Would have never been able to to tell my parents all that in a few minutes.
That's how it was for me. I knew I wanted to come out for a long time but I never felt the need to. Then one day I finally realized I was ready and I didn't feel like holding it in anymore. Sounds like you're there. It was easy for me because I knew my parents would be fine with it. It sounds like you're holding it in more than I did for whatever reason. Just wait for the right time, and only say it if it feels right in your gut. You will know. As VideoGameLover said, be careful if you have anti-gay parents.
It hasn't slipped yet, but yeah I often think what if I said it. I wish I could come out to everyone including family.
Shortly after I started accepting I was gay this was happening to me, too. It's started to calm down now that I've come out to a couple of friends and am trying to determine the "pace" at which I want to be more open with others. I was also a little worried it would just pop out, because whenever there was a lull in the conversation my brain would just be like "Say it!" or "I'm gay!" But when the actual moment came for me to come out I couldn't even get the words out of me! So I worry less about it slipping out unintentionally now. VideoGameLover is right, you need to assess your situation with your parents and decide if you will be safe and stable living with them if you come out or not. If not, you may need to wait to tell them. But you could still confide in others here, and perhaps if you have a trusted friend or counselor talk to them about it, too. That way you'll feel a little less like you're ready to burst at the seems.
