So finally I found the courage to speak to my mother. For someone seemingly so tolerant, I didn't get the reaction I was expecting. It's my fault I think for coming out too early, as I chose to say "I think I'm gay". So she's questioning if someone put this idea in my head. She didn't have a clue either, picked up no hints. It really doesn't feel great at all, despite the fact she says she loves me and is there for me.
The issue may not be any intolerance towards homosexuality; parents tend to build up this image of who their children are, and it can jar them a bit when they discover that parts of their "image" is wrong, even if they are not morally opposed to the child being who they are, as people don't like being wrong (for example, if your Mom came up to you and said 'You know how you always assumed that my name was ____? Well, it's really _ _ _ _,' you would be a bit taken aback and may not believe her, even if you have nothing against the name _ _ _ _). As such, she will want to uphold her mental image of you to eliminate the uncomfortable feeling of shock; thinking that someone "put the idea in your head" but that you're actually straight may be much more consistent with her mental image than you actually being gay. I hope that time heals the shock for her and that she can come to accept and celebrate the fact that this is who you are.
it is still okay but i think it is going to take a long time for her to get used to it. she could also say: "what did I do wrong and she/he became gay" or "how I can heal her to make straight again" at least she doesn't react that bad. Good luck.(*hug*)
We have to go through a number of stages before we can finally come out to/accept ourselves and our parents have to go through the same stages too. The thing is, we have plenty of time to work through our feelings in the privacy of our own minds, but our parents are dished it up in one short conversation. As much as we'd like them to smile and beam with immediate acceptance, it rarely happens like that. They need a bit of time to think and process. Take a look at the different stages as it might help you to understand where your Mom is right now: Empty Closets - Parent and Family Stages of Grief Give her time and try not to get too upset. If she has questions try to answer them, even if some seem a little silly.
Thank you for that, this is definitely 'denial' stage. She has started to come up to me and talk, but she never talks about the issue I want her to acknowledge. She's pretending it never happened.
