So, after living in the closet for years, I've decided to finally come out as bisexual to my parents. I've only come out to three friends and my brother so far, but I'd like to try to start living like the person I am, rather than as the person I pretend to be. I'm going to try to come out to my parents when I meet them for a vacation in about a month, and I have a few general questions that I'd really appreciate help with. A few things first - my parents are actually quite accepting of gays. They have several gay friends and I have little to no concern about major things like being disowned or judgement. That being said, I think it's still going to be hard, especially for my dad, to accept my bisexuality, especially since I'm in my mid-twenties, and I'm fairly certain this is going to be unexpected. I'm honestly completely uncertain of how they'll react. Also, they live in a different state, so I only see them a few times a year. I think their general acceptance of LGBT people is why I've hesitated in getting on a forum and asking questions before now - my situation probably seems gloriously simple compared to people whose parents are homophobic or hateful. Anyway, questions: 1. Should I have a script? When I came out to my first friend, I used a script and just asked him to patiently listen until I was done. I found it helped me to focus, but it seems impersonal, like I'm reading a prepared speech rather than having a heart-to-heart. What have other people done in terms of the actual words? 2. What's a good setting? I'm not quite sure when or where to have the conversation. We're going to be on vacation at a music festival at a beach. I think out at dinner is a bad time, but other than that, I have no idea. Do you think I should try to bring it up during a walk along the beach? What about at night when we're getting ready for bed? Should it be before, during, or after the main festival? This is hard. 3. Who should be there? The trip is going to consist of me, my brother, his wife and their two young kids (5 and younger), and my parents. My brother already knows, so it would be nice to have him there for support, but my sister-in-law doesn't. It might be awkward to answer questions from the children, but I don't know if I can somehow ask my sister-in-law and the kids to leave while I talk to my parents. I plan on telling her too, but I think my brother has already indicated something to her, so I don't expect it to be a complete surprise. So should I tell my parents first and then her, or maybe wait until the kids are in bed and tell all three? 4. What do I ask them to do about it? After I tell them, I'm not sure what comes next. I just want them to accept me for who I am, but after that I have no idea. Should I ask them for advice or let them process for a few weeks? Should I ask them to tell the rest of my family, or should I wait to do that over the holidays? Should I ask them to keep quiet until I'm fully out, which would mean they can't really ask their friends for advice? Thanks to everyone in advance for your help! I hope this post wasn't too long.
Hi there! That was a very 'organized' post You would have been great at making notes during school, I bet For what it's worth, here're my two cents: 1. Script - No. Start with "I have something I need to talk to you about" and take it from there. Just tell them briefly about how you identify yourself as per your sexuality. Let them ask you things. You can't read from a piece of paper (or sound like you do!) - it would undermine the whole thing. 2. Setting - After the festival. It's a potentially massive piece of information and people might need different amounts of time to process it. If you tell them at the outset or during the festival, there's the risk that things become awkward, conversations become strained and things generally become weird. Plus the festival will actually be a good way to reaffirm the close ties you have with your parents. They'll be able to absorb the news all the better later. 3. Order - Parents first. Sis-in-law - much later. No arguments here. It's the people who brought you into the world - you owe them that privacy about something which is such a big part of you. You can tell your sis-in-law the next day or later with your brother also there. 4. What next? - Don't tell them to do anything except listen. Parents are awesomely smart, you know ;-) Might be a good idea to tell them to not tell other family members right away. Let them get used to the idea first. Tell them that they should feel free to ask you anything - they might just not be very aware of how life is like being a bisexual. The better you can make them see the world from your eyes, the easier it will be to understand you. Hope that helps Good luck!
