I've just recently came to the enlightment that I am a bisexual man. I have NOT went behind her back and experimented. I want to sit down and talk to my wife about this but I'm scared. I do love her and don't want to hurt her but I can't hide this. All day at work I'm bursting with excitedness and have my mind made up tonight is the night. But when I get home and see her I instantly fill with fear and nervousness. Basically looking for things to say that help her. I'm not bisexual in the way of oh I love this man. I don't want to kiss and cuddle. I crave to suck on a mans cock and be a bottom. That's it. Please any tips and advice would be greatly appreciated. Would love to hear from hopefully some couples that have been down this road.
You have to decide whether YOU want to stay with her or to get a divorce, so you can live as a gay man. If you tell her about how you feel, then SHE will have the option to get a divorce whether you want one or not. How you tell her is not as important as the fact that you tell her and what her reaction is. If it is just a curiosity and a craving, and you just want her to know about it for some reason, then that is a different situation still. So the question is, how do YOU want this situation to be resolved? What is YOUR "happy ending"?
Well my happiest ending would be her accepting me and then experiencing everything with me ex 3some with a bi male. Next happiest if she didn't want to join but would let me pursue. Last option and I truly don't want this but for her to decide its not what she signed up for and we split nicely. Top one would be my favorite! I'd love to find a boyfriend for us. One that is into both of us equally. Middle option while selfish I would be OK with Last option I'd be devastated for a while but I would get over it and feel better not suppressing my needs.
I am suspecting that her priorities are going to be the opposite of yours. You are going to have to explain yourself to her in terms that that she probably never suspected or is familiar with. By all means, get a clear picture of what you think you want, tell her what your fantasies are, and see if she has any interest in pursuing them with you. If she doesn't, and she probably won't, then you have to decide whether it is important enough to YOU to end your marriage, or if you are going to leave the decision essentially up to her to make, and ignore your fantasies if she is willing to stay in the marriage. You are not too likely to find gay men who are going to want to be the third player in a threesome situation with a married couple; that seems like a long-shot compared to finding some top for you as bottom in a strictly gay relationship, if you decide to break up with your wife. That makes your last choice the highest probability outcome, so you should go into the discussion anticipating that that is how it will eventually come to pass. Good luck, if you decide to proceed and tell her.
I'm going to have to tell her its the only right thing to do. Hope I don't lose her. I guess I should have led with this. I have had bi experiences as a teenager with a few of my best friends back then. Just oral back then. But I forced myselfnto be straight after as I went into the military. It took some time but all my homosexual fantasies faded and I guess only stayed dormant for like 15 years. Now without talking to her everyday I'm bottling up more and more frustration and anger while I'm at home and then taking it all to work. Its like the last 2 weeks my life has been turned upside down. I have gay friends and have always been supportive of them. I guess even though I thought I knew what they were going through I had no idea. Props to anyone who is in any situation where they have to come out.
Well, I am in a similar situation and I can confirm that it really sucks. Have you considered counselling or therapy? There's a good chance that you are not "bi" but just gay and in denial. Your situation (at least as far as you describe it) seems to be very common around here. Telling your wife you are "bi" will likely result in her saying something like "OK, now what?" You should be prepared with some kind of answer.
I hope you realize the disconnect between "I don't want to lose her" and "I crave to suck on a mans cock and be a bottom." It sounds like you do want to "lose her" without hurting her in the process, which is unlikely to be the way this unfolds. If you want to be involved with another man, whatever your sexual role with him is, it is not too likely that you will be staying with your wife. You have to decide whether you want to continue to suppress your homosexual nature (which probably IS your true orientation), and stay with your wife, or have an amicable divorce from her which hurts her to the least extent possible, and frees you to do whatever you want to do with another man. If you simply "liked" hanging out with other guys and could keep your interactions with them non-sexual, you might be able to make it work to stay with her, but that does not sound like what you want to happen and would be satisfied with, because you could have that right now without telling her anything about your hidden desires that are not going to be realized with physical relationships. IF you want to "do the deed", you need to tell her that this is now your priority over being married to her, and face the consequences, because that is where the truth lies.
I'm in the same boat my wife and I separated and I've been exploring what I've kept hidden and bottled up my whole life
Hey there. I'm also looking for some advice. Came to realize I'm gay. Now trying to figure out the right time and place to tell my wife of 11 years?
I too am in the same boat... I have always thought I was bi... but closeted... Until recently when i realized that if I am going to be totally honest with myself... its guys that I want to be with... not just sexually... but in a relationship... So after 28 years of pushing my feelings down... I am opening up and embracing it. I came out to a good friend today... the first person that knows other than myself... and I am going to come out to my wife of 18 years as soon as I get the courage... I suggest you take a step back, look at the big picture... and you will know the answer! Good luck and keep us posted. ---------- Post added 24th Sep 2014 at 10:27 PM ---------- Hey Jon... i am in the same boat as you. After 18 years of being married... and knowing it wasn't just right... always assuming that i was Bi... but always afraid to fess up. I have done a lot of soul searching and finally realized that i am gay. Today i came out to a Lesbian friend i have, it was hard, and awkward... and after i did it, i didn't feel any better... but now hours later... i feel much better. Now i have to tell my wife... i don't know that there is a right time or day... or best way to do it.. (but many on here say to write a letter and either read it to her, or let her read it in front of you) but i think you will know when its right, as will I... Lets hope anyway... Tell me your story... its so nice to have people to bounce things off that understand the situation.
Well, here it goes. I'm 34 and have been married since I was 23. My wide and I met when we were in high school and dated for about 5 years before marriage. She was the only one I dated in high school. We had a few mutual friends so that's how we met. I think I was afraid to find out who I really was, so I just settled-not realizing there were so many other possibilities in my life. Fast forward almost 11 years-we currently live in her mothers basement due to a foreclosure. As strange as it may sound, I think losing our house was a blessing/sign that big changes are coming. No kids just a cat and dog. We've talked about kids but due to medical issues that are now resolved, that hasn't been an option. If there's anything else you want to know, just ask
PLEASE, figure this out before you start having any kids; the problems change totally in nature when you introduce kids into the situation, and the options are quickly reduced for both of you.
Good luck to you both in telling your wives. Keep in mind that for most people, marriage means monogamous, so if you want to stay married, you may need to decide not to follow through with desires you have. That's what I've had to do. Many on the forums have decided to split (or at least separate) to decide what they really want out of life. I wish you the best!
Thanks for all the encouragement. It's one of those things some us have to go through. I'll get through it like everything else I've dealt with!
