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Coming Out at Work

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ned B, Sep 15, 2014.

  1. Ned B

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    I've spent the last two years coming out to various friends, finally to my parents 3 months ago, and so far everything has been going fairly positive, however work is still uncharted territory for me.

    I work in a firm of about 100 people. I have at least 2 gay coworkers, one of which is fully out and in a mid-level position. I'm not sure if the other guy is really out at work, but it is pretty clear from one of his online profiles that he is gay. I'm not really out at all, though some people may have surmised as much from being Facebook friends, or some innate characteristics of my personality (I'm not actively hiding my orientation).

    While I don't think it would actually be a problem for me to be out at work, I've been having a hard time making those first steps. I guess I'm still a little afraid of being judged by my coworkers, especially those above me, as if being gay is some sort of short-coming that tarnishes my professional character.

    Plus I want to bring my boyfriend to this year's holiday party. He had to stay home last year. It's customary for everyone who can bring a date to bring one, but I don't think there is any precedence for bringing a same-sex partner. The fact that I am in a long-term committed relationship has actually made it hard to socialize at work. My bf and I do so much together that I feel like I am constantly side-stepping topics to avoid mentioning him.

    I'm really just looking for a way to give myself a little push and start being more open and honest at work. What do you all think?
     
  2. Candace

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    I think that you should introduce your boyfriend to everyone at the holiday party. The atmosphere then will be for everyone to have a good time and to relax. Plus, there may be people in your office (who would be disgusted by such things) that may not even come to the holiday party at all. Then again, if the other gay coworker has a nice job and is fully out, why not you?
     
  3. WILBE

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    I have to say I was so comfortable dressed as a woman that I'm considering doing it full time but am petrified of the backlash I may get from my bosses and coworkers. I work in an environment that brings me into contact with major vendors and clients daily and I am scared that the company will accuse me of hurting their image with my "ridiculous or outlandish behavior"
     
  4. Yossarian

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    Not work related, but I went to my 50th high-school reunion last year. One of the guys, who had previously been married with children, had divorced and come out 15 years ago. He was attending the reunion for the first time with his partner of 10 years or so. This was in not-too-tolerant, excessively religious, Alabama. Everyone who talked with him and with his partner treated both of them very cordially and made a point of making his partner feel welcome at the reunion party; he told me so the next day, that he was glad he had come and brought the partner to the reunion for the first time..

    If that is the reaction of a bunch of old farts my age, coming from one of the major redneck zones in the south, and brought up during an era of mass homophobia, I would think that you and your partner would be treated pretty well today. If you decide to bring him, I think you will be pleasantly surprised and feel a sense of relief about not having to keep your "secret" any more. Good luck, whichever way you decide.
     
  5. Ned B

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    Interesting, Yossarian, one of my next steps is deciding whether I take him to my small-town Michigan high school class reunion next year. But that's another topic.

    Certainly the holiday party seems like a logical, convenient place to come out. Certainly if he is there, I am going to have to introduce him as something when I talk to people. But the idea of actually doing it terrifies me. At least I have three more months to mentally prepare myself.