I have been questioning my sexuality for a year or two now and still consider myself bi-curious, but for the 18 months or so i have been in love with my male best friend. I am still interested in girls but thinking about him just feels different. We often joke about being a "couple" and it's been an on-going joke with our friends for a while now. We hug lots when we're with each other, sometimes kiss at parties and joke about having sex. I once woke up at a friend's house after a night of drinking and I was sharing a bed with him and he was spooning me with his arm around me. When he is in a relationship with a girl, I always feel sad and a bit threatened as he spends less time with me and I feel as she is replacing me as his best friend. We're now both going to universities that are far apart (He's already gone) and it feels much worse now that I'm not going to see him for another 3-4 months. I went out clubbing with him and a few friends a couple of days ago as a goodbye before we all went away and then I slept at his afterwards. I considered telling him how I felt then but I couldn't bring myself to it as I don't want to ruin our friendship. I have had a couple of sexual dreams about him since we went clubbing which makes me feel almost guilty but I can't stop thinking about him. I wouldn't consider myself gay as I haven't felt like this about any other guy but I haven't about any women either. I can't see myself telling him how I feel as I'm too scared for a negative reaction that could ruin our friendship, but my feelings for him have intensified now that I'm not going to see him for so long. I really don't know what to do so any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you.
So to clear things up, have you ever been attracted to a girl? Could you see yourself in a loving long-term relationship with this guy? THese are a couple of questions you should ask yourself to help figure out your sexuality. Try to be as honest as you can. I know for me it took me a while to realise that I really wasn't attracted to girls. I mean I thought that finding them pretty was kind of the same thing as attracted and it wasn't until I began to accept that I wasn't attracted to girls that I began to realise that I'm gay. I would figure out how you actually feel before you make the decision to jump and tell someone (even your friend) how you feel because if you do it to early before you truly figure it out you may feel as though you have confined yourself. Best of luck!
Agree with Easton. Based on what you've written I'd guess that you may be gay. I was in love with one of my best friends from school and could never summon up the courage to tell him that - even though I know he will accept my sexuality and be a strong source of support. I kept trying to convince myself I was bisexual but then a day comes when you realize that your mind and body are almost screaming "No! You are gay, just man up and admit it to yourself at least!" Ever since then life's been at least that much more peaceful Try to figure out your own sexual preferences first and see if your friend will be accepting in case it doesn't turn out to be heterosexual. Only then decide to tell him. Good luck!
It is generally a two-step process; first you come to him as gay, then depending on what he says about himself, if anything, you can proceed then or later to tell him how you feel about him if he seems receptive to the idea, or tells you he is gay, or (best possible result), says he feels the same way about you. If he says he isn't, or says nothing about himself, best to stop there and let him just get used to the idea that you are gay and still the same friend you always were.
