I am 22/female and my boyfriend is 25/male. I am at a point in my 3 year relationship with my boyfriend where things are no longer working for me. I think I might be gay, but I can't come to terms with it. I find myself constantly thinking about girls. I dream about girls, with the exception of the occasional male celebrity or acquaintance. I find myself jealous of what lesbian couples have. I think lesbian families are adorable. I find myself hoping people don't mistake me for being straight. I have been dressing so as to express my sexuality. I don't like my boyfriend to touch me. We haven't had sex in months. My boyfriend and I have been living together and just moved into our 2nd house together. I can't get out of the lease and there are no subletters allowed. I'm afraid to lose my boyfriend because he is my best friend. We need each other on a very emotional level, but I'm afraid the truth is that I can never be totally available to him because of my preference toward women. What's worse is that he once had a male roommate (his best friend from his hometown) who fell in love with him. Their friendship imploded quickly after his friend confessed his feelings, and now they don't talk. Imagine how he would feel if his girlfriend came out as gay after what he's already been through. I don't think "irony" even begins to cover it. I have been going through this struggle with my identity for years, since before we were dating. I came out to him as bisexual, which I found to be an adequate label for a long time, but I think my sexuality has since changed. I'm really struggling to come to terms with my own sexuality. I've wanted to talk to a lesbian friend of mine but I'm afraid to say anything. I don't think I can talk about these feelings out loud. How am I supposed to explain myself to my boyfriend if I can't even understand my own feelings?
Hi there - I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. (*hug*) Do you know what's preventing you from talking to your lesbian friend?
Thanks for the response. The only thing stopping me is that I don't see her often. We might have plans this coming weekend. I wouldn't even know where to begin if we did talk about it though, since I don't tend to talk about personal matters with friends.
Yeah, I get that. Maybe try to write her a letter, or, if possible, just text her? If you aren't sure of what to say, you can just say what you said here.
I could try texting her. I'm just not sure if talking about such serious thing via text is like a faux pas or something like that.
It's not, at least where I live. Many people come out via text - it's perfectly understandable, and sometimes, it's good to just have a screen protecting you when you're all nervous and afraid.
@Really....what do you mean. Are you summarizing my post? I think it's a bit more complicated than that. How does "I think I'm done with men" summarize a 3 year relationship with someone I've known for 9 years of my life? Maybe I seem overly sensitive here , but "done with men" kinda hurts my feelings.
I am sorry you are going through this and I can understand how difficult and hard it would be to tell your boyfriend especially since you are so close and he has had a difficult experience with what happened with his friend. It does sound to me like you feel you are a lesbian or that you at least want to be a lesbian but your relationship with your boyfriend is the one thing stopping you from fulfilling that. It might be a hard thing to tell him and I think you should maybe think about it more, maybe have a heart to heart with yourself and think what you wanna say and how you wanna say it.. It might be damaging to your friendship and break his heart, but think about how you feel right now in this relationship.. Do you want to continue the way you are simply because you are too afraid to hurt him? Do you want to go through the motions, get married and then have to deal with a possibly messy divorce later on down the track? It is probably best to get this out now, so that you both can let go of the past and concentrate on the future.. You both sound like wonderful people who both deserve the best out of a relationship and I don't think you can give each other the best based on what you are saying.
Sorry Pandas, That didn't come out right. It was supposed to be a suggested text to your friend. Not for your bf. Obviously short sentences and texts are not the ideal way to communicate. (For me, anyway). I didn't mean to minimize what you've gone through. I do apologize.
