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extremely shy lesbian needs help talking to girls

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ButterflyWishes, Sep 18, 2014.

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  1. ButterflyWishes

    ButterflyWishes
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    It's hard enough not knowing if someone you are interested in is gay or not. It's even harder for me when I know they are. Basically, when I'm near someone I like I stress myself out so much to the point that I'm physically sick. It's not the end of the world if I get rejected, but I just can't bring myself to ask someone out. If I am unsure if another woman is gay or not, a friend of mine suggested to just have a normal conversation for starters, then as I get to know them more start talking about relationships just like all other girls do. Even before I knew I was gay, I never found myself asking anyone "So, do you have a boyfriend?" Or anything like that. It's just very alien to me. Is that a normal question to ask someone, or am I right and is it really a strange question to ask? Any other tips in general are great. (*hug*)

    I am only out to people who I am closer or who I feel that they are trustworthy enough to know. I still live at home, which makes it harder. I tried coming out to my mom two years ago when I first started college and she did not take it well at all. Now, she just pretends I'm straight and that the whole conversation never happened. Her harsh tone about it has damaged my opinion about her quite a bit, but I am still going to be who I am. I'm really looking forward to the day when I can just be fully comfortable being out to everyone.
     
    #1 ButterflyWishes, Sep 18, 2014
  2. thekillingmoon

    thekillingmoon
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    You could try to ask them out in a friendly way without implying it's a date. That's my strategy. I secretly hope they think of it as a date and if they want it to be, it'll be one. Can't say it got me very far, but at least it gives you a chance to spend more time with someone you like.
     
    #2 thekillingmoon, Sep 18, 2014
  3. alwaysforever

    alwaysforever
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    This is not a bad idea but I would like to point something out. Not knowing if you are just hanging out or if it's a date can be very hard on the other person. Not knowing where you stand and leaving things left unspoken creates tension that can ruin the chances of a good relationship. It can become like an elephant in the room that both people are afraid to talk about so they never do. That's why I now try and talk about it even if it makes me uncomfortable.
     
    #3 alwaysforever, Sep 18, 2014
  4. thekillingmoon

    thekillingmoon
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    In my case, I do that because I don't have the confidence to be straightforward and open about my attractions. By showing friendly interest I merely try to get the other person's attention, so that in a lucky circumstance they like me too, they'll get a chance to get to know me better and make a move. It may not be the best strategy, but for a shy person any strategy is better than admiring your crush from afar.
     
    #4 thekillingmoon, Sep 18, 2014
  5. alwaysforever

    alwaysforever
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    I totally get that. I am pretty shy too.
     
    #5 alwaysforever, Sep 18, 2014
  6. ChapterOne

    ChapterOne Guest

    Hi Butterfly Wishes, I know I'm really young but I kinda get it; it's probably ten times harder for you because your mom took it so badly. Just wanted to maybe give some advice? There's this girl I haven't seen in an entire year and I asked my girlier friend for some advice on coming out to/flirting with girls. Maybe if you have any gay girl friends or even straight friends who are girls, they could tell you what's easy to say and hear. Sorry if this wasn't helpful, I just felt bad for you and could kinda relate. Good luck :slight_smile:. -Chapter One
     
    #6 ChapterOne, Sep 18, 2014
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