So, basically my girlfriend game me an ultimatum last night. She swears up and down that it's not but I don't know another way to interpret "I can't do this for much longer." She's referring to my family. Both of my parents are extremely southern baptist. Like if you've seen the documentary Jesus camp, my childhood was like that minus the speaking in tongues. That never resonated with me. As a teenager I argued constantly with my dad about politics and my issues with religion and my support of gay rights. One time while going on an impassioned speech about gay rights my dad asked me if I was a lesbian. Note, the way he said lesbian was like a dirty disease. I was scared and I said no. I'm bisexual and I've had an inkling that I've liked girls for a while. The thing is, I've been repressing it and pushing it out of my brain and trying not to think about it because my family is so hateful and against something they call "the gay agenda." They go to a church that preaches about how wrong it is that some school read a book to kids about having two moms. My mom still goes on rants about that awful "I kissed a girl" song. I'm not close to my parents and I don't talk to them about anything of substance and I haven't for years because I hate their beliefs and I don't agree with their extreme hateful views. Then in January, my friend of three years told me that she had feelings for me. And I told her I did too because they had been there underneath the surface all along and I was too scared to think about them. So we started dating and she had moved across the country for grad school. Meanwhile, I was working on my last semester of college and about to graduate. We were long distance for a semester and that was hard. I decided to move to where she was after graduating because I could. I just graduated and the world was my oyster and why not move and take a huge risk. Cue lesbian stereotype jokes about moving trucks:rolle: I'm young and this is the time to do it. So, I did. I moved across the country and now we live together. We'll have been dating a year in January. It was rocky at first but it's been great and I really love her. I want a future with her and I want to make this work. Her family is totally different from mine. She told them before she even told me she had feelings for me.They could tell that she was stressed out and they asked her what was wrong and she told them. Her family talks about things and they're supportive and loving and not at all like my family. So they know and are good with it. She's so stressed about my family not knowing and living this lie (and I am too of course). She's hung up on the holidays and not being able to be with me on the holidays with my family and pretend that we're just friends. I understand that. She's anxious about this huge question mark of how my parents will react and she is constantly stressed about my family not knowing. I don't want her to be and I get that it's hard for her when she's out and I'm dragging her back with this. So she said that she can't do this much longer and that I need to be taking concrete steps to prepare for telling my parents whatever those would even be. I am so scared to tell my parents. I swear to god, I moved across the country to live with her and they think that it's because I've always wanted to move far away and that I want to go to a grad school program out her (which I do but that's not why I moved). They think we have separate bedrooms and beds and they are so far in denial. I don't think it's even crossed their minds which is ridiculous because I've never had a boyfriend and I moved across the country to live with this girl. Do the math. I know I need to tell them and this lie is eating away at me too. I'm so scared and feel totally alone. I'm not going to let this relationship go because I'm too scared to tell my parents. It's too important to me and I love her too much. So, I'm going to have to tell them. I just can't breathe when I think about it. I'm terrified. I know that they'll be devastated like I told them I am on crystal meth or something. I know that they'll pray for me constantly and talk about how "the devil got their daughter." I know them pretty well and I'm pretty positive that it absolutely will not go well. Uggg I don't even know what I'm looking for. You are an absolute saint if you just read that novel. I guess any advice or clues on how to go about this would be amazing. My close friends know and that's it. I just feel alone and scared about all of this.
Hi. Is your girlfriend prepared for a negative reaction? Is she prepared for the possibility that your parents will take months, probably even years to come to terms with your sexuality? You always have the option of not going to your family's house for the holidays and go to hers instead once your family knows. Your situation sounds very unpleasant *hugs* =( I think that it's very important your girlfriend prepares for a negative reaction, so she can decide before you make the decision to come out to your parents or not if she wants to carry on with them not knowing, or have them know and dislike the relationship. I wish the both of you dearies good luck, whatever you decide, and if possible have updates =)
I think since you don't live with your parents, have a gf, and don't get along with them anyway, you can do this. Why don't you ask your gf to help you map out possible ways to come out to them. If you work together on it, she'll see your serious about it. Also work out what nice thing you're going to do for yourselves after you come out. Because it does sound like it won't be great so you should have something to look forward to. Figure out the counter-arguments to anything you think they might say and something self-affirming to end with so that you at least feel good about yourself. I believe you can do this. You sound like you've already taken positive steps to live as the real you anyway. Good luck, you'll be fine.
