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Horrible Effects of Being Forced to Come Out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Compute, Sep 19, 2014.

  1. Compute

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    I've tried my hardest to write this as clear as possible so to give you a bit of background about me: I have a continuing history of trust issues and social anxiety. I spend a lot of time in isolation because I find it hard to let other people into my life. Over the course of my 17 years on this Earth, I've met all of 2 people excluding family who I exist around, one of them being my best friend of 14 years. When I'm around people in a social situation I get nervous and it can lead me towards attacks, sickness or general uncomfortable sadness. Due to the nature of my family I also have a lot of trust issues with my parents and other close family

    The other day I had finished college, and my mum had offered to give me a ride home (this has never happened before so I was pretty concerned as it is). When we were half way home she told me that she had been looking through my personal laptop (her reasoning being that she was 'checking' it as it needs repairs). Apparently she had dug so deep that she had found almost absolute proof of my sexual identity and insisted on a talk when we got home.

    Once we got home she continued to pile all of her findings onto me before I could say anything. Naturally, given that there was no excuse or reasoning I could give to get me out of it, I gave the quickest form of agreement I could and continued to escape the situation as soon as I could. All she had told me about her feelings was that 'She didn't care' and 'it made no difference to her'. While I understood what she was trying to do, I still couldn't escape the fact that she'd invaded what was supposed to be my isolate area of thought and being.

    It has been a few days now and I'm still no better. I cry constantly and uncontrollably when I'm alone and can't compose myself around other people. I have absolutely no trust for anyone and I don't feel like talking or working (which has become noticeable within my college work) because my energy is solely being taken up by what has happened. My mum has tried to maintain the norms of the household atmosphere but I see her glance at me when my father is in the room with eyes that say 'if you don't, I will'. It has gotten to the point that I haven't left my room other than college and necessities since Tuesday. This time of year is important with Universities for me, so this is a disaster roller coaster that I can't escape from. More importantly, I don't know how I could ever trust my mum ever again given that she knows about my social conditions and has pretty much smashed all of them with all of this. I just need help. Thank you.
     
  2. Yossarian

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    I can't help but note that you have come out (involuntarily, but still out) to your mum and she is apparently OK with it. That is really good news for you, even though she certainly should not have invaded your privacy to discover it. You should try to focus on the positives, that you are now free to be yourself around your parents, nothing bad is going to happen to you, and you can try to expand your circle of friends without any worries that your parents are going to cause you problems because of it. So, lighten up on yourself, and lock down your computer with a logon password and turn on the file encryption option so that an invasion of your privacy will not happen again.
     
  3. wolfy1

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    i agree with Yossarian. it sucks that you were forced out when you were not ready, but now your out! you don't have to hide it anymore. i understand having problems trusting anyone at this point, i also have trust issues. the trust will take some time to get over but i know if i was out, forced out or not i wold be happy about that. so cheer up!

    although i know it will suck at first but at times i wish i was forced out.. that way i dont have to worry anymore.

    hang in there, everything will get better, just remember that your mom accepted you, and that is what is nerve wrecking about coming out.. knowing if you will be accepted.
     
    #3 wolfy1, Sep 19, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2014
  4. Confused Teen18

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    i know you feel really bad about it but in a way i am kind of jealous. I think you are focusing too much on the down side instead of looking at the positives. At least you don't have to focus on hiding it from her anymore so now you can focus on other important aspects. Don't give up. I know it will get better.

    Ps. If you want someone to talk to, i'll be right here. Cheer up.
     
  5. Celatus

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    You should start to feel a liberating joy pretty soon. That's just the immediate aftermath. Once you can tell yourself that I'm different and not scared of it, you will accept yourself! It's not a choice, it's how you were made. Live life to the fullest and come embrace your sexuality in this cozy community of ours :slight_smile:
    And congrats on your mom accepting it. Trust me, there are more people than just you dealing with this. If you need someone to talk to, just post on my wall :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 21st Sep 2014 at 08:26 PM ----------

    I honestly can't tell you how great it is to not bottle your identity inside like I once did. If other people are judgemental, screw them.
     
    #5 Celatus, Sep 21, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2014
  6. shinji

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    1. Have a talk with your mom about personal space and tell her that you demand an apology (if she is too stupid to figure it out herself).
    2. Start putting a password on your computer, seriously, with a tech savvy mom in the house, how can you not?!
    3. Ask your mom what she think about you telling your dad about the whole thing, then tell your dad with her present in the room.
    4. Eat a cookie, they help with depression (make sure it’s with chocolate chips).

    Moms like to put their noses up in their children’s business… They are women, so it’s only natural. It’s not something you should hate your mom for but do make sure to get that apology from her, so she won’t do it again. If you let this slide, next time she’ll be creeping about you not having a boyfriend or who you are dating or... who knows!
     
  7. WannaBeMe

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    I know that your space was invaded and it hurts. It always does. shinji had some good advice. You can also like said before, put a password on your computer and add some encryption to that. I know that my mom has no clue i'm gay. And she actually forces us to give her the passwords to our computers, tablets, etc. It helps to use Google chrome with the Incognito mode. It hides everything for browsing history. Whats funny is my mom still talks to me about not having sex before I'm ready for a kid. I'm a gay male so there is absolutely no issue with that except she still don't know.