I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comment)

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

Hi there too!

Most of the times, parental upbringing has got nothing to affect/do with the sexual orientation you have. My parents are straight, and they have a straight eldest son, and me, being a Bi.

As for the tags, of course, you might not be used to it for the first time. You just have to relax and go with the flow. Maybe you need not the labels and just do whatever you feel like you have to do (like finding new male partners).

Also, I sometimes cringe and shudder on girl-girl stuff. Not my style perhaps. Nothing's wrong with that.

 

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

Well, I can still relate to that a bit, although I'm out for most intents and purposes. Parents soon to come as well.
I think the 'dislike' of lesbians, sort of speaking is because you don't feel anything when you see two girls together (like most straight guys probably would... and some 'straight' girls I know as well).

I think it's almost the same as transgender or bisexuals- I don't know any, to be honest (I only know some gay people ) and I can't imagine what it feels like. It's a bit like fear of the unknown.

I admit I'm not totally over my internalized homophobia, but I've managed to let it not come in the way of anything I do. Time will help.

 

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

Hello HighInTheClouds, I think that I have an idea on how you are feeling. I am in a somewhat similar predicament. Female anatomy has always been a turnoff, and yet I have several friends who are female that I would give both legs and my dominant arm for if I needed to. And yet, my body goes numb at the sight of breasts and vaginas. And as far as transsexuals are concerned, I never understood the concept.

That said, I always respect people and their decisions. Growing up in a very conservative family in a town that resides in the suburbs of NY City and is an entire square mile in size, news travels very fast and everyone knows everything about everyone. I have definitely done a lot of discovering in college, and I have taken on the persona of someone who lives life under this motto: "who am I to judge anyone else or try to influence their decisions?" Unless, of course, they are contemplating suicide or something of that proportion. In return, all I ask is that people respect me and my decisions. And outside of my family, which I sometimes feel that I am the glue that holds together all of the different "factions" as I call them (not very close, but I bring everyone together a few times a year), I really have stopped making any effort to hide who I am and how I feel.

Getting back to your post, my point is this: only you can decide who you are. You speak well, and sound like an intelligent person. I think your problem is that you are getting caught up in the concept of homosexuality, when I believe that you should be concentrating your time on the concept of happiness... finding what makes you happy. Remember, for those attracted to the same sex, homosexuality is a component of happiness. I think you need to consider what particular mix will make you the happiest.

Tell you a little story. When I was in 8th grade, you know, that age where teenage hormones are supposed to be kicking and bouncing around uncontrollably, I spent a long weekend with my Aunt and her newborn son. She was breastfeeding him on the couch one night and I was totally grossed out. Well, my cousin recently had a son and a very similar situation presented itself... and I was still grossed out. Some things change, some things don't. Think about what makes you happy, and remember, it doesn't happen overnight. I am going to be 24 next month and have never had an intimate, serious relationship with a guy... just yet.

 

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

Hmm... Don't worry, I'm not gonna hatemail you, although it saddens me that you feel that way. (*hug*) I wanna help you get over it.

Perhaps you have some internalised homophobia. Maybe you have overcome it with regard to two men, because that's part of you, so it's easier to accept. But because you also find females physically unattractive, you have retained your homophobia towards lesbians. Could that have a thimbulful of truth? Try to remember that there's no difference in the "natural"ness or otherwise of gay men and gay women. Lesbians' sex may not attract you, but can't you see that if that's what we like, we have as much right to it as you gay men? For me, I would never dream of saying that gay men are disgusting. It may not be for me, but who am I to tell you that your bodies are horrible and that your chosen sex acts repulsive? If they make you happy, I'm happy for you.

As for transphobia... maybe you could try exploring in your head what it is that is morally "wrong" about it to you. Is it because it's "unnatural"? If so, there are lots of things which are unatural which we embrace - for example, vegetarianism. That's unnatural for humans, but if it makes some people happier to be vegetarian, then good for them. If transexual people really feel more "at home" in a different body, then that's a good thing, right? Just an idea... don't worry if you still feel uncomfortbale, because it can be a complicated process recalibrating your thoughts.

As for transvestites... across the world, at different times, the prescribed clothing for men and women has varied wildly. There's nothing "natural" about the clothing laws of society. In many parts of the world, it's normal for men to wear dress-like clothes, robes, kilts, etc. In other parts of the world, women have been wearing trouser-like clothing. Wanting to wear clothes not prescribed for your gender is not unnatural, it's (IMHO) society which has unnaturally put all these gender restrictons on us, rather than letting us just be ourselves.

And finally, have you ever, as well as being attracted to men, once in your life, thought even just one woman was a little bit pretty? If you have, you can maybe imagine how another person could be attracted to men and find a woman beautiful? Another could find some women quite hot, and another could be seriously attracted to them, as well as to men? You have to use your imagination, but for me, it's useful to remember that bisexuality is just a continuum. You may be on the far side of gay, but for the people in the middle, that's just who they are. Surely it's better to let them love whoever they love? Telling them to choose one way or denying them relationships with people they love based simply on the gender is no better than straight homophobia.

I don't know if any of that made sense for you, but I hope so. It sounds a bit like you have very conservative/internally-homophobic views, and although you have overcome them to accept your own gay male feelings, you still have some issues with the rest of your LGBT family. (*hug*) If you can find it in your heart to accept some more of us gay people, I think it might help your own confidence and self-acceptance.

 

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

Do you perhaps know any lesbians or transsexuals in your area? I find that the best way to overcome a phobia like yours is to meet people, and personalize them. That way it's no longer just "the lesbians" or whatever, in your head, it's an actual person. That's just my thought.

 

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

I agree with all the above comments, and I'll add my two cents, and i hope im not repeating what anyone already said--i only skimmed over the longer replies.

First, I agree that it sounds like Internal Homophobia. You have no problem with Gay men because you are one. Maybe it could also be apathy. Not in the sense that you don't care, but you can't see yourself in the position of a lesbian, transgender or bisexual, so you can't imagine doing something with them or being one.

I hope that made sense

 

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

OMG ....OMG OMG OMG?! like oohhh emmmm geeee? I thought i was the only one who said that! Like i still totally think bisexuality is a myth:dry: until i am ofcourse proven otherwise....

anyhow. Don't u dear feel bad about posting this thread and anyone who would reply hate replies to u are ignorant individuals. Cause its clear your mis-lead and its just ur mental perseption and u want clarity, so i think u did the right thing by speaking ur mind. Atleast, thats what EC is suppose to be all about.

What i don;t understand is how u don't find hetro sexual love or lesbian love odd but u find lesbianism grossom:eusa_eh:...i guess though, there are allot of guys like u cuz its not the first i have heard soething like this on EC.

Nonetheless, you probebly need to work on tolerating it. U don't have to accept it...but it would be hypocritical if u didn't learn to tolerate it. Have you ever thought of evaluating what exactly makes u find this weird. idk...maybe u can create your own project and if u know any lesbians within ur community u can use charisma and make friends with them and try to learn and comprihend why they have love for other females and maybe u might think differently of the whole situation.
oooooorrrrr
EC's got a whole bunch of em'. You can talk to a few and see for urself. But if you don;t try as much as possible to have an open mind u may never get anywhere with this.


-Alex.

 

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

Well, this is most likely because when you think of transpeople you think of scary drag queens with deep voices and huge fake breasts and a pound of makeup and two inch long fake sparkly eyelashes. :roflmao:

which is scary, I agree. :lol:

but that's not all transsexuals! Like me, I'm just your average guy, I love music, and ice cream, I'm pretty normal, ya know, but I just happen to be born into a girls body.
It's not weird, actually. If you saw me on the street, you'd probably think I was just a really young guy, like 13, and wouldn't even think about my gender. Cuz I'm pretty cool

 

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

The situation in Singapore is probably not very conducive to acceptance of LGBT people. So it's totally understandable if you have some difficulties. I just hope that things will turn out well for you and that you will sort all these things out in your head. Remembering all our common humanity can be a great way of seeing anybody else's perspective! Well done for posting this in the first place because you must have been very afraid of getting your head bitten off (*hug*) Singapore probably needs more people like you!

 

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

I would think it's just a matter of time for you...

Accepting yourself and other homosexual men is a first step. But doing some reflecting on that - as it sounds like you've done - will result in being more accepting in general. That has certainly been the case for me.

Just the fact that you posted this question is a step forward. You have recognized that you have an issue, that you probably need to do something about it, and you've asked for advice. That's awesome! Keep it up!

 

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

It seems common for gays to go through a period of adjustment. One of the early stages seems to be acceptance of THEIR particular form of sexuality, as well as heterosexuality, but nobody else's. The most common form this seems to take (for gay males coming out) is the belittling of gay guys who are more out, more effeminate, more outgoing. I heard a lot of things like "they weird me out because they're always in-your-face about it" and "they're the reason straight people hate us...but I'M not like that." It often also includes some anti-bisexual bias ("they're just scared to commit fully"), and perhaps some anti-other-homosexuality ("lesbians/gay guys are gross").

Basically, it boils down to ignorance. And as others have suggested, the main weapon against ignorance is knowledge. Getting to know "femmy" gay guys and bisexuals and lesbians will be the best way. If you can't do that in real life (easily), then chat with some here. You'll eventually learn that "femmy" gay guys aren't acting any more than "straight-acting" gay guys are acting. That bisexuals actually ARE attracted to both sexes (and not being indecisive), and that lesbians are cool. No, I'm not interested in seeing lesbians have sex. That's because I'm a gay man. But they're probably not interested in seeing me have sex, either. That's because they're lesbians. We just have our own things, we do it in the bedroom, and have other things in common outside.

Lex

 

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

Heh, I'm your next-door neighbour. Even worse. You know, two bridges (or three) that is connected to that Peninsula? One is Tuas, One is Johor, and one.. not sure. That's my home in the mainland. I heard that S'pore is nowadays accepting LGBT too.

Edit: Wait.. the article in Wiki isn't there! :shock:

You haven't even seen Singapore's next door neighbour yet. They totally shun down on LGBT. No talk, no doing nothing about 'em. :bang:

Ha, I didn't set off my friends' `dar. They see me as a normal guy but I have a gay side. (*hug*)

 

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

>>>They see me as a normal guy but I have a gay side.

Yeah, you're gonna want to drop that "heterosexual = normal" bit ASAP. I'm 100% gay, and 100% normal. And that goes for everybody here.

Lex

 

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

Well I think you do have some internal homophobia and you just are directing it to lesbians and transgender people. I still love you!

I agree with the others ^^^^^

Oh and straight = normal And gay = normal You are normal and don't let anybody tell you any differently besides what is normal? Who defines it? Only you can define what normal is and if it feels normal to you then it is.

Just look at my phrase under my name "define normal"

 

Re: I Think I Need Help Regarding My Views (Ladies Should Prob'ly Come In Here & Comm

It is nothing big even after I realised I was transgendered the idea freaked me out.

As mediumdietcoke said transpeople are normal we do normal stuff and are just like everyone else except we were born into the wrong body.

So I am not supposed to look like that no wonder I get so many stares:roflmao: