I almost feel as if I don't want to ever come out, I don't want people surrounding me to know and I keep up a pretence to protect them from knowing. I want a girlfriend and I know that the reality of that is that it won't happen until I'm more out. I don't have many family members left and those who I do are somewhat old fashioned in their views and would be very disappointed if I was open, or maybe would expect me to suppress it (where I work is also of the same opinion). I've tried relationships with guys and they haven't worked what so ever because I'm only attracted to very few and even then I'm not sure if I am. So I know something's got to change, but I'm far to scared to be open to everyone, or even most people... So it leaves me wanting to not come out and wanting to lead a secret life, which I know isn't fair to anyone I would wish to start a relationship with. Sorry for the little rant!
Hiya D456, welcome to EC! There's no list of rules about coming out - except the important one and that it is done on your terms. Try not to be too hard on yourself at this point about relationships, or putting pressure on yourself to come out in order to have a relationship. I think if you are honest with whomever you decide to date or start a relationship with, then they will be supportive, after all, they've been where you are Give yourself some space to understand and explore your feelings especially, and how you may want to open yourself up to different LGBT experiences (social groups where you live, or just online, etc) and people. The forums here are a great place to get advice, hear the experiences of others and just, well, be yourself - no pressures, no stress.
Hi D456 Coming out takes time and for some it is quicker, for others slower. You are just 17, so you have plenty of time! I was 15 whe I came out to myself and 17 or 18 when I told one trusted person (who I correctly guessed was also gay). I came out to my parents when I was 20. The point is your are on a path. You have accepted yourself. Be happy and take your time. You will know what to do when the time is right, and it may be that your best course of action is to wait.
Hi D456, When confronting a difficult conversation, which is what coming out is really about, it all comes down to one thing: you can either live with being closeted or you can't anymore. It's when the current situation becomes intolerable that most people find the courage to say what needs to be said. If you feel, however, that your family situation will be made more difficult by coming out, then you need to lay low for a finite and definite period of time, otherwise known as a strategic delay. You may decide to come out when you feel more sure of yourself and your ability to take care of yourself, or there may be other reasons, but if you are sure (and it is quite difficult to predict what reactions will be) that your parents or other family members will react very negatively, then wait, until the deadline you yourself establish.
Thank you everyone for your replies and advice. I think I might be somewhat rushing myself, coming out doesn't have to be a big spectacle. I am going to start talking to individual people and just see how it goes.
I used to think like that, but then it started getting to me. Now I experience more frustration and anger from being closeted than comfort. It sucks when you know people are going to react badly.
This. This so much. Living a lie is the worst thing in the world. I'm good at it, but I'm not proud of it. It's miserable waking up and going to sleep thinking the same thing...."How much longer can I keep this up?" or "How many straight-things should I say today to fight off suspicion?" However, at the same time...do not rush it, as others have said, you need to do it when you are ready.
Starting today I've been making subtle hints towards it, and when I saw my dad today and he was having a rant about various different different things, homosexuality included I called him out on it.. He reacted really badly to it but hey, We're not close and I don't live with him, so if he wants to push me away that's his choice right? In the couple of days I've been on this site it has done so much for my confidence and acceptance. I feel like maybe it's not so much of an impossible goal anymore, but it will take me a while.
If nothing else it's quite fun isn't it :') I'm not planning on rushing into anything I'm not comfortable with, I just feel like my quality of life will be better once I can be proud of all aspects of myself. I'm not planning on doing anything drastic.
Hey D456...coming out is a very individual...personal thing...and how out you are and when it happens has to be right for you...getting support from here and listening to other people's stories is a good start...and then you've just got to take it at your own pace...move things forward just as much as you are comfortable with...you're not in competition with anybody...it's just about you...and your happiness...good luck
Hey, i'm glad you posted this, I am feeling weird about coming out. I have told about 3 people only and now I feel unsure about who to tell next or whether i even want to tell any more people yet. I guess im worried about it getting back to my family members somehow, the more people i tell. Ive read some of the replies here and theyve been helpful to me too. Thanks
