Shauna considers us to be back together. She never asked my opinion on the matter. I am nervous "break up" with her because she has a lot of combat stress from being in the Marines, plus other issues like codependancy and clinginess in relationships, and I'm scared she'll injure/kill herself when I say I don't consider us a couple. What should I do? I like her a lot as a friend. We're romantically incompatible, especially anything long-term, so I would like to leave the relationship and just be her friend. I would also like for her to not hurt herself, which she may very well do.
Hey tinkerbell, Believe it or not it's fairly common for someone to feel the way you do when wanting to exit a relationship. Lots of people feel that the pain their partner will go through if they break it off will cause thier partner to do something irrational. I dated a boy who had been suicidal before we met - and after dating for a short period, it became clear to me that we weren't meant to be together. The only problem was that I was so affraid he would commit suicide over the pain I'd cause him if we broke up, that I stayed with him. There are so many problems with this, as I'm sure you are well aware, including the fact that you're in a relationship that you don't want to be in (which is fairly unhealthy to both of you). I think the most important thing to remember in a situation like this is the line "I know this will hurt, but if I don't break your heart now, it will only get worse later". That is, if you continue to be romantically involved with Shauna, when you know you dont want to be with her, eventually you're either going to be forced to break it off, or she'll realise you don't love her. Either way - you're letting her feelings for you build up. If you decide to break up with her later, it's just going to hurt her that much more, and chances are she'll be more likely to do something irrational. I know it's a hard thing to do, but breaking up with her now will be easier on the both of you - and though she may not see it right away, it shows that you care about her enough to put yourself out. Good luck, I hope it works out.
