I write this in hope that it may help some of you guys out there on this forum. As I look at the threads, many of them mention things that I recently went through during the confusion of coming out, and if this helps even a single person, then I'm happy. I knew I was gay from probably around age 12 (I'm 20 right now), but it was never a real thing to me. It was something I always thought I'd grow out of or an idea that I'd never really have to confront. That was until about 4 months ago, when something in my brain clicked, and made me realise that this thing was real... that I was gay and there was no ignoring it. The realisation did shock me, and caused a lot of anxiety because I knew there was no escaping it, and this kind of reaction is normal. It's understandable to be worried when it comes to accepting the idea that you're gay, and the idea of having to tell family and friends, which you may have known for years previously, is really, really scary. This strong realisation built up over weeks, and was in my mind every day, causing more and more worry. There came a point when I realised, I had to tell someone. It's important if/when you decide to tell someone, that you try and choose the best possible person to tell. This should be the person you trust the most and the one you know will react in the best possible way. I chose one friend which I need would 100% accept me no matter what but it was still tough. Actually saying the words 'I am gay' to a friend I had known for 7 years was terrifying. But once I had said it, and the words poured out, there was already a weight leaving my shoulders, and the anxiety, by no means was gone, but for a short while, it ebbed ever so slightly. Over the weeks/months, the anxiety fluctuated with good days and horrible days. In my whole coming out process, I waited until there was a clear next step to take. It's important to take coming out in tiny baby steps, and tell people slowly and surely, picking the next best people to tell and moving your way down your list of friends/family. Each time I took a step, I was never sure of the immediate next thing to do, I waited days or weeks between them until I was sure of who to turn to next. I cannot stress how important it is to come out at your own pace and to never feel pressured to tell everyone in one go. It came to a point with me where as I told more and more friends, it felt easier and I was getting happier. It's got to a point where I could tell a friend casually 'oh by the way, im gay' and it felt like nothing. Telling my mother was a huge step, and it will be massive for everyone to actually admit it to parents. If you feel like telling your mother/father is a good step, then I would advise that you work up to that situation in your own. Chances are parents already know (mine did) and are just waiting for you to say it by yourself. Telling family members is tough, but the feeling of not having to hide an important part of who you are is so liberating. You will feel like you can finally be true to yourself and the people around you, and it's great. If there is anyone out there, that is struggling with the idea of whether they should come out or not, the single most important thing is looking after yourself, and only telling a single person, or a group of people when you know you're ready to do so. It's not a quick thing which is over after one conversation, it took me 3-4 months to fully come out to the people around me, and I am now, finally happy with myself as a person. Overall, I did have a really positive coming out, which I know may not be the case for everyone and everyone has different friends and family with different views, but I hope for anyone reading this and feeling the way that I felt can take something from this and begin the steps to feel good about who they are!
