Coming out as bi? Any easier or harder than coming out gay/lesbian?

Bi is a very touchy and confusing topic for me. Being bi doesn't mean that, it means that you like both guys and girls. I would say it would be a lot harder to come at as gay because there are so many outcomes that can come out of it. Were as bi you can just say you like the opposite gender. It's a very touchy subject for me because my best friend came out as bi and he was loved but he started hurting himself because if it.

Just remember that quote down there is for you
-The King

 

For myself and I can only speak for myself.. I feel it is very hard to come out as bi.. I can't say it's any harder or easier then coming out as gay.. And I wouldn't want to say it was harder cause I am not in that position and can't judge.. I can only say what it's like for me and I am finding it hard to come out to people. It took me 2 and a half years to be okay with it myself.

 

I would have to say coming out in general is hard, not matter what the circumstance. I had to come out about both my gender and my sexuality, and each time it posed it's own challenges. I don't think it's any easier no matter what you are coming out as.

 

Speaking for myself, it was very hard to come out Bi. Hard, scary, and painful. But I'm glad I did.

Was it harder? I don't know. My Gay, Trans, Androgyne friends had it hard. I think it's better to acknowledge that we've all had pain, rather than say "my pain was worse than *your* pain."

 

I find it harder.... people always have EXTRA questions... they don't quite understand OR they don't believe me at all... some just choose to ignore it because they don't think I have a *serious* interest in girls....

My mom, always said she would be supportive of either of us were gay/ she wouldn't care. But when I tried to explain that I'm bi, she said she doesn't understand.... that I have to "pick one or the other" ... she doesn't care which one, just pick one. Then she thinks I'm confused...but she says "whatever makes you happy, maybe I just don't understand..." .

So yeah, *personally* I would much rather just come out as gay. I have a preference for girls anyway, so it would be MUCH easier...

 

For me, my first 'coming out' was as a bi. I've met eight other people who self-identified as bi, and nobody cared. All they knew was that the person liked both boys and girls, and they had very little problem with it. This might just be for my age range, since nobody is prejudiced against bisexuals when they're just a teenager or younger. For an older person, people might not believe them, or believe they're still figuring it out, unless they're 'innocent' and don't think about it.
I'm pretty sure it's not too difficult to come out either way as long as you're in a good environment. And hey, Kelowna is apparently really conservative, and hardly anyone gives a crap who you'd like to make out with.

 

I wouldn't want to presume how hard it is for someone to come out as gay either, but coming out as bi and subsequently over the years going right back into hiding has been very hard for me. I was around 14 when I first started having feelings for other girls, and since I had never even heard the word bisexual before (different time) I thought I might be a lesbian. It was so confusing though to still be attracted to boys. I used to cut myself a lot (and still struggle not too almost every day) and I tried and failed (obviously) to kill myself a few times before I really told anyone. That could have just been catholic guilt though and the fact that I went to an all girl school did not help. My mother even had me institutionalized and medicated so that I would "tell her my secret"-exact quote. Now she refers to it as "the problem you used to have when you were confused". I'm an atheist now, so I don't feel the same type of stress from it, but I still haven't told many people, and those that I have told have either tried to make me "confess" to being a lesbian or told me that bisexuals don't exist. I am lucky that my husband is understanding though. and we talk about it a lot, I don't think I would be okay if it wasn't for him. I can only imagine that the difficulty and pain associated with coming out depends on the individual and their specific situation though.

 

I don't like to assume It's easier or harder to come out as something. In a lot of ways It's harder because some people think it doesn't exist, and a lot of gay people use it as a stepping stone. People stereotype it as a 'slutty' sexuality, think you need to pick a side, etc.

 

I've certainly had that experience. I hope it's not like that for everyone. Was it hard for you to come out?

 

It's hard. But I just can't deny it any more, it would be like hiding a part of myself from people.

 

It depends on who you're coming out to, but people tend to be even more ignorant on bisexuality.

From what I heard, these things are likely to happen.

1) You are mistaken for staight.

2) You are mistaken for gay.

3) You are mistaken for promiscuous.

Like I said, it depends on the person, but don't expect a miracle.

 

I think it's probably harder, because you have to deal with what gay people do, plus the "you're confused" or "you're greedy" parts. People might be a bit easier on bi people, because they can understand at least the heterosexual attraction.

 

It is harder. First of all you have to really really be sure that you actually are attracted to both sexes so you don't seem like a doofus when you have to re come out as a gay person or as a "hey, jks I am actually straight" person.

Also, this may seem really dumb, but saying it is harder. Gay is one syllable and Bisexual is a whopping 4 so it just doesn't come off the tongue as easy when you are nervously trying to spit the words out to someone.

And then there is the fact that a lot of people don't believe bisexuals exist (spoiler: they do) but I kinda already touched on that.

But despite all this negativity, don't let it deter you!!!! It feels so awesome to come out and I am proud and so happy that I am not in the closet anymore... At least to some people

 

I’m only out to a small group of people but I’ve been adding to that list over the years. I hope it’s all right that I share my thoughts, regardless.

First off, I want to echo what others have previously posted: Coming out is *always* difficult and requires great courage, orientation aside. There are certain misconceptions about bisexuals, but then, there are harmful stereotypes about all LGBTQ identities.

Twenty years ago – before there was access to internet support sites like this one – I had never heard of “bisexual”; people were either heterosexual or homosexual, and most viewed sexuality as a dichotomy. Some still have this view, sadly, which is where the whole “gay, straight, or lying” jeer originates. Others believe in order to be bisexual an individual needs to have an equal attraction to males/females (50/50). This is simply untrue. Preferences exist, and depending on the individual, may change throughout a lifetime.

As I mentioned in another of your threads (hello again, by the way), I see sexuality as a continuum. Bisexuals have a visibility problem; society conditions people to assume two individuals holding hands are both homosexual (when said couple is same-sex) or both heterosexual (when said couple is opposite-sex). Rarely is someone’s response, “Hmm, I wonder if that guy on the left is bisexual.” It’s “He’s with another man. He’s gay.” Women who are paired with a man (like myself) are believed to be promiscuous or only saying they’re bisexual for “attention.” Granted, there are those women who say they are bisexual to “turn guys on” and give those of us who are genuinely attracted to both sexes a bad name.

As a Kinsey 4, I choose to identify as bisexual because at times my urges towards the opposite sex are too strong for me to disregard. Other Kinsey 4s may choose to identify as homosexual – that’s their choice and I respect it. Individuals who identify as bisexual often have to come out multiple times depending on who s/he is dating. Alan Cumming is a fantastic example of this. He is married to a man and the media often labels him as gay but he is always quick to correct them.

FYI: Homosexuals have suffered from visibility issues in the past, too (and still do).
The world as a whole still has a long way to go.

I hope this helps, at least a little.

 

Ishtar, I am certainly not offended by your question. I find I have another coming out to do, I'm not yet ready to come out MtF, and I'm more scared than before - but I'm more scared because when I came out Bi, people were supportive at first, and then they turned on me. My Mom is the only one I have left in Meatspace. I *know* she loves me. It's still scary.

I'm not saying this to scare you, and I want you to trust yourself. I got your back, if you'd like to talk about coming out, or anything, come find your girl. xD

 

Good question, when you are bi, since you could date someone of the opposite gender people do not think about it until they see you with someone of the same gender. Then they just assume you are gay.

 

Number 3 is one of the reasons why I'm still inside the closet. Very recently I discovered I was pan, I used to think of myself as a simple 'bisexual' (!)

Don't like the idea of having to explain to strangers what pansexual is...

 

Bisexuality is a sexuality that dozens assume "Does not Exist" (This applies to Asexuality, and Pansexuality too, there is probably more but those three are the sexualities that I know many quarrel about)

I'm bisexual myself and I am one hundred percent sure I exist

But I've never exited the closet myself so I have no correct answer to this, but this somewhat depends on the individuals you tell.

For example many assume I might actually be a heterosexual because I have a preference for boys, when that is not the case. (this also applies if it were reversed)

It's just that maybe many can't grasp the concept of that when someone who identifies as bisexual can have a preference toward either gender and still qualify as bisexual.

I'd say it really all depends on who you come out to and their opinions of bisexuality.