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Having a tough time

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by username01, Sep 28, 2014.

  1. username01

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2014
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, GA
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    :bang: Im twenty three years of age and just coming to terms with the fact that i am bi or gay, not really gonna put a label on it just yet, theres a girl i think i kinda like or might wanna be friends with who i know is also gay & after she actually asked me if i was..well i guess it kinda sent me off the edge a little. I'm the sort of person who over analyzes everything and i get real bad panic attacks. Anyways i haven't been eating or sleeping, just obsessing about what to do about my current predicament. I think i wanna get out there and experiment. I've never been with a guy or a girl. I'm just too scared and a coward. I don't know why but every time i come to a physical moment with a guy (haven't yet with a girl) then i have massive panic inside of me and feel really sick. WTF? Anyways, i guess i just wanna be out but i don't want to lose friends, im paranoid that if i tell them they might get freaked out by me. I've been behaving not myself these past days and my friend knows everything but im worried im becoming annoying and i dont wanna overburden other people with my problems and at the same time im probably gonna make my friends think im weird due to my behaviour - ive got kind of irrational and not been happy and been really nervous, can't stop ruminating and thinking and talking about the subject. Anyways i just feel really f-ed up right now and don't know which way out to take. Im in a really important part of my study year right now and dont wanna mess it up but i also dont want to leave college without having explored who i am and faced my fears otherwise im afraid ill never solve this.

    I'm worried in case things wont be the same again. I told another friend and she was a little surprised. My biggest fear is my friends not accepting me. I guess my biggest fear is rejection..even tho i kinda reject myself..i dont even recognize who i am right now.:tears:
     
  2. VanityInSanity

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2014
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sweden
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Perhaps you need some more time to figure out what you what. For example: Who am I, what am I, what do I want to be, who will truly be there for me and so on.
    Just like you said, you want to focus on your studies right now and that's completely understandable. You really don't have to come out in college, there's so much after it which will give you all the time you need.

    You say you're over-analyzing everything, and that seems completely true. Most likely it's because you're stressed out and anxious about coming out which forces you to analyze everything. Try to calm down and do some homework, might keep your mind off the problems!

    As for your fear of intimacy and fear of rejection it's definitely has to do with that you're not comfortable with yourself yet. Just give it some time and don't try to stress too much about every little thing. Coming to terms with your sexuality takes time.

    If you want, find someone you can trust or a therapist which you can talk out with. Getting things of you chest and mind will most likely get you less stressed out. Or keep posting on EC, it's a great outlet for the restless mind! :slight_smile: