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"Coming Out" the BS of it all....

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MisterTinkles, Sep 28, 2014.

  1. MisterTinkles

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    Hello:

    This might seem more of a rant than just a regular thread, but I have found that some people do understand what I am talking about, and they also try to get others to perceive and understand the same notion. No, not many "get" what I am talking about, but some do........so here goes.....


    Labels. We all place labels on everything and everyone. Some are benign, some are stereotypical, some are racial, some are hateful, and some are self inflicted.

    "Coming out" is a self inflicted label. But the bad thing about it is, you have not only inflicted a stereotype of yourself, you have done it to all other homosexual people as well. You have also reinforced the "straight" world labels that they have forced onto us also.

    By announcing that you are "in a closet" or "have/have not come out", you are enforcing all negative stereotypes and labels the rest of the world has put on us, as well as those gays who have no self worth and identify with all of the negative stereotypes and live by them. By being in a stance of "a closet" or needing to "come out" with something, you are telling the world you have something wrong with you that NEEDS hiding. You are falling into the straight world trap of forcing yourself into some "beneath humanity" level of existence.

    Are you diseased? Are you the Elephant man? Do you have pointed ears and flippers for hands? What is it that you have, that has to be hidden away in a "closet" or something you have to "come out" with?

    I expect you have said "no", because all it is, is the simple fact that you prefer someone of the same sex for human partnership.

    Who you prefer to date, be friends with, kiss, or settle down with is no ones business but your own (as long as you are not hurting yourself or anyone else). So, if it's no one else's business, WHY is it such a "secret"????

    You want people to like and love you for who you are? Then be a decent human being. Any people worth having in your life wont give a shit who you date or kiss.

    I was born into a red-necked, Southern, country-fried life in Texas. My grandma taught me to be as self sufficient as possible, and to treat others the way I wanted to be treated. She also smacked some manners into me when I needed to learn them.

    I grew up in my family and in the world, without ever knowing what "gay" or "homosexual" was until I was about 13 years old. Ever since I can remember, I preferred being around men.

    When I was about 13 years old, the "gay riots" in New York were making headlines in the papers and the news. I kept seeing the word "homosexual" all over the place, so I got a dictionary and looked it up. Ok, there is word for "my type". Big deal, it's been labeled.

    I went to school, graduated, got jobs and worked and created my own life. Never had any word from my family of anything pertaining to sexual orientation.....mine or anyones. They always treated me decent, as I did them.

    After my granny passed away some years ago, one of my Uncles came up to me and said "I'd like to ask you something, cause we all know and dont care, but I just want to know for sure". I told him it was fine to ask me anything. He said "Are you gay"? I said "Yeah". That was it. We went back to what we were doing like nothing ever happened.


    What I am getting at, is if you are going to make a "label" out of yourself, stereotype yourself, and perpetuate the names the world has to call us, THEN I say you have something nasty to hide. And it needs to be hidden, as we certainly don't need anymore of that.

    Live YOUR life. Live it as a decent human being, do right by those you hold close, learn all that is learnable, know all that is knowable, learn self sufficiency, and just be as close to a good person as you can possibly be.......and nobody is going to give two fucks who you want to date, kiss, marry, or just be friends with!

    The ONLY people that are going to think this is a "big deal" are ones that can't handle their own lives and have to tell others how to live, think they are SO much better than you are, and/or are just complete and utter douchebags. This can include family members, relatives, current friends, co-workers, etc....
    You don't need them. They will just drag you down.

    Cast off your shackles and run free.

    Don't be a label, be a person.


    When I have ever been asked when I "came out"........I say....
    I "came out" the day I was born. Since then, I have been ME, I have always been ME, I have never pretended to be anyone else. So if you don't like ME, then don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!
     
  2. stocking

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    I think by hiding in the closet i'm telling myself there is something wrong with me ,but I think by coming out it's me telling the world ,know I am proud to be who i am and I don't feel ashamed of it . I'm also letting the world know that there are people in the world that's not heterosexual . I'm not playing to a stereotype ,either most people who have known me or seen me , in person cannot tell I'm a lesbian by looking at me . I wear make up feminine clothes , and I'm very girly . One thing the guy who runs the lgbt center in my state told me is being a gay person ,you will always have to come out for most of your life . We live in a world that marks us straight at birth , it's the default sexuality . If we don't come out we continue to keep our selves hidden .
    I think even if most of the world did change to support or acknowledge all sexual orientations there would still be a need for labels ,for example there are many sexual orientations out there besides bisexual and not everyone is bi some of us are straight , gay , lesbian , bi, pans asexual . So if we're walking around not going as anything how is anyone suppose to know who they plays for there team or indicated to people that they are just not attracted to people of a particular gender . ? why must we be the same why can't we just celebrate that we're all differences and embrace it .
    I'm not stereotyping my self by labeling myself a lesbian since coming out I've been a lot happier than i was when i was closeted and felt alone . And trust me I'm far from the lesbian stereotype .
     
  3. SeriousJack

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    Wow that's a pretty powerful speech you got there. Its not that simple though, there's a series of sociological factors that weight in too. In some places, by being homosexual or addmiting yourself homosexual you give up a series of rights such as ever getting married, or having or adopting children, sometimes even your own life. Not all peoples are so open minded like your family and some people are actually raised to despise gay people and avoid gay people. The labels exist because we need to name stuff, we need a word that describes that particular state or style for such is the way of language. Coming out IS a big deal and it IS a big deal to the people you love. Human beings are social animals and the need to fit in is natural and inherited. If your loved ones won't love you back for who you are you will be crushed and that might not make you love them less for that, as you just want to be with them. We don't live in a world of rainbows and good thoughts and acceptance, we live in the real world. And facing it needs maturity and a lot of courage.
     
  4. pandas

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    I think your approach is a bit idealistic MisterSparkles. You are oversimplifying "coming out" by literally interpreting the words. Perhaps "coming out" is a poor term for coming to terms with one's sexuality, but I think that coming out does not necessarily imply any sort of negative stereotype. I think the term as a whole really fails to capture the essence of the entire act of recognizing ones own sexuality...because it's slang. Who knows, maybe "coming out" will be replaced with a new phrase as lgbt people gain more visibility and equality.
     
  5. Yossarian

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    Well said about yourself and your situation; Texas certainly cain't be the friendliest place to live one's life as a homosexual male. How you are living your life is not necessarily practical for everyone else, considering that there are countries in the world where "being yourself" will get you quickly persecuted, thrown in jail, or outright murdered. But, I am glad it is working for you; wish it was that simple for everyone else, worldwide; it should be.
     
  6. Tai

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    I like your ideas, but it's easier said than done for most people, including myself... If I had to just be my gay self, I feel that letting people know would be much easier. But being transgender as well... Well, that's harder to get across to people. And not everyone has that person who's wondering so much that they will come up and ask about it.