I've kind of been lurking these forums for a while but decided I should post something. In the past few months, I've come to the realisation that I am definitely gay (although I'm sure I've known for a lot longer but pushed it aside). I'm pretty certain that my family and friends have absolutely no idea about my sexuality as I don't fit any of the stereotypes that the majority of people associate with being gay. At the moment, I'm torn between wanting to come out and not wanting to. Mainly, I'm kind of tired of laughing and pretending when people make comments about girlfriends or the attractiveness of women, and my parents for pushing that as well. Ideally I don't think it should be a big deal and people are just like "oh, cool" when you date someone of your gender, but I realise that we're not really there yet as a society, thus the whole coming out thing. I'm also really bad at life stuff and this is kind of a big life thing and I don't know if I'm comfortable with making that commitment public just yet. As far as I'm aware, my friends and family are fine with the LGBT+ people, so there's no issue with not having a support network, although I'm going to assume that my parents would be disappointed seeing as I'm an only child and they have this perfect family pictured. So yeah, some opinions would be cool, and thanks for reading my complete mess of a post that you can hopefully understand.
Hi, Owllowiscous! I love that name, from the MLP character? Your post is *not* a mess. Look, there isn't any race to come out. If it's your goal, that's great, but there isn't a deadline. You've made good points pro and con coming out right now. You are thinking and expressing yourself clearly, trust yourself. We got your back.
I thought your posting was reasonable and considered (certainly not a mess). Weighing up the pros and cons is normal and your thought process is much the same as most peoples when they consider coming out, but it really comes down to one key question.. is it better taking the chance and live with honesty and integrity, or maintain the current position where you are safely in the closet and not risking anything? I'm sure that seems a rather loaded question really, but I think that's the essence of your dilemma. For me, it's clear. If I was confident that people would take it well (or even okay) I'd come out. It's worth it just for the sense of relief. That's not to say I'd rush into it and just blurt it out, rather, I would take some time beforehand to think about the likely questions and comments that would arise and work out my answers - in other words do a bit of prep so it doesn't seem like something that's been done on a whim. I don't know if this helps. Feel free to post again if you'd like more detailed info.
Hi Owllowiscous thanks for posting and welcome to EC. I think the first two posters made some great points, it is not a rush to come out and you should do so only when you are ready. It does sound like though that we might have been in similar situations. I was sick and tired of the lying and the 'hiding' of my sexuality. I knew that I would have a good support network and that it would be ok with my immediate family (extended family is a different story, but that's a different conversation). For me, I wish I would have came out sooner. I think it would have made me much happier. I came out at 27, so not too old, but I missed a lot of the younger carefree years. I think as long as you know you have a good support network, and you are truly ready, and most importantly you really want to come out. Go for it.
You are at the age where you can come out and not be regarded as "lying about it for all those years" by those people who would if you wait until you are 30. Since you have figured it out, you might as well get started living your life as who you were born to be. Your parents can still have those grandchildren they want if you find the right partner, but even if you don't decide to have kids, they will have the real you for the rest of their lives to enjoy, living happily with someone you love, not putting on an act for them.
Until you are comfortable with yourself and fully accept it yourself and have the courage/strength to come out i would wait....people will always have opinions you just have to be ready. The way i did it was tell a few of my friends who i knew would be fine with it then kinda used them to gather enough strength to start telling me family and work colleagues. Best of luck to you though!
Well, it sounds like it would be harder for you to tell your parents right away. Maybe you could tell some friends of yours. Invite them over/ask if you could come over or suggest meeting up some place. Then talk casually a bit, and then come out when you feel the time is right. That's just how I'm doing it right now. But only follow those steps when you feel you're ready to tell them. I say tell them first because you have no siblings to turn to (I came out to my sister first), and it will prepare you for telling your parents. That's my advice though. Come out to people in the order you want. There's also LGBT centers and stuff to go to if you'd like. Good luck!
Hi and Welcome to EC first of all, It is nice to have another Aussie joining us and glad to see you jumping in and posting straight away, that is good.. Also, your post wasn't a mess at all, it was really good I thought. My own personal experience.. I just knew at the point I was ready to come out to my mum.. Still not ready to come out to everyone else in my family.. But I just knew deep down I wanted to let my mum know.. It was just this feeling I had.. I felt exhilarated and excited butterflies waiting for the right moment to tell her.. I think it was once I had fully accepted myself as who I was, then I knew I was ready to take that next step. So don't rush yourself, I think if you are saying you want to but you don't want to at the same time.. You really don't want to.. But you feel you should come out.. Don't come out when you think you should.. Do it when you are ready, when you are ready to face and and all reactions, you say you think your family will be accepting.. I am the same.. I feel my family will be accepting as they all support same sex marriage and equality etc and a few of them have friends who are gay or lesbians as well.. It will be a shock to them, but I know they will accept me too.. Even though I know they will accept me as I am.. I am still not quite there with coming out to everyone yet.. I know in my own time and own way, I will find the perfect way to do it.. But that is what I am getting at.. To do it at your own pace and in your own way.. Don't feel you need to or have to do this before you are ready.. If you feel ready, then go out there and make us all proud.. If your not.. Then it's nothing to be ashamed of.. I think you will know when you are ready. Good luck with it all..
