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Can't press send.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by pandas, Sep 29, 2014.

  1. pandas

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I've been trying to tell a friend of mine that I might be gay. She is a lesbian, so I am not worried about receiving any judgement.

    I've been trying to send a text that says something like, "Would it surprise you if I told you I might be gay?" since I'm trying to keep it casual.

    We don't text often, only to make plans on occasion. I've been wanting to open up to her for weeks now, though, since she is gay herself. The two times I've seen her, I haven't had the guts to do it. I've been wanting to text her, but I keep rationalizing why it can wait. I keep thinking, "I'll do it at 8:30. No, I'm not ready yet, I'll just do it before 10. Well, 10pm came and went and now it's too late, because she might be asleep. I'll do it tomorrow."

    I have the message saved and ready to go in our text conversation on my phone, but I can't bring myself to hit send. Every time I'm about to, my stomach gets all knotted and I feel lightheaded with nerves.

    I know that coming out to one person might get things rolling in this difficult path ahead of me, but I'm afraid to confront my fears and deal with my problems. I live with my boyfriend, whom I will eventually need to tell. I have chosen to tell a friend first in order to take some weight off my shoulders, but I can't seem to take that first step. Anyone have advice on how to take that first step toward coming out?
     
  2. catsarecuddly

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Well, my advice would be to just be honest with her. Like you said, she herself is a lesbian so you won`t be receiving any judgement. I know you`re scared and I know this first step is hard because I`m going through it myself. All I know to say is, be proud of who you are, and do what makes you happy. I wish you the best!
     
  3. CrazyAwkward

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    Oh gosh I know exactly how that feels. When I came out to my extended family on facebook I spent an entire morning and part of the afternoon pacing around the house trying to work up the nerve to just do it.

    It took a long drive to somewhere I always feel at peace and many deep breaths before I was finally able to. In the end I had to close my eyes and press send without looking. That helped somewhat. And being somewhere comforting helped me calm down after the message was sent. I'd also suggest having something to do while you wait for a response, just in case she can't get back to you right away. Waiting for a reply can be almost as stressful as actually sending the message.

    But you can do it :slight_smile: Take deep breaths, and when the time is right you'll find the courage. Good luck (*hug*)
     
  4. AJ Bee

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    I struggled a lot with coming out to 2 of my friends (one gay, one bi) When I finally did it, it wasn't a big deal and that stress was gone. One friend even said when I told her, "I had suspected that." My advice would be take a deep breath and hit send. The stress wont go away until you do.