Hi I need some advice. I've been going out with my girlfriend the last 14 months let's call her s . when we first went out within a few weeks she had come out to her dad (her mum already knew) and told them about us. He was fine with her being gay and both were supportive of our relationship. I came out to my mum but couldnt bring my self to come out to my dad and rest of family. Now 14 months on I still haven't told my dad several times I have gone to tell him and I froze I just couldn't / can't get the words out. Am I ever gonna be able to say those words ?? I know he is homophobic which is probably why I'm finding it hard I just feel like s could do it and did a long time ago so should I . She must be fed up of keeping it secret I know I am. I just don't know what to do. I don't even know if this has made sense.
Hey ems, Was your mom supportive? Can't you tell her to slowly "prepare" your dad, or even tell him if you are too scared?
My mum is very supportive but I did ask her the very same thing you suggested but she said its my place to tell him and that she would never do it ---------- Post added 30th Sep 2014 at 07:25 PM ---------- I have left hints for him but he just is not clicking
Try explaining to your mom that you can't do it. Explain exactly how you feel, no matter how stupid it may sound. If she still says no, then perhaps a note would be easier to tell your dad. I know sometimes when im too scared to say something to their face, I go off for a weekend and leave a note before I do. that way they have a chance to read it, get angry if they choose, and cool down again so you can have a real conversation about it later.
Well, in my opinion, you should do it. My mom told my father when i came out, and i think the results would be better if i did it myself. You may ask her again, or ask her just to prepare him, like telling your dad "hey, the daughter of my friend came out as a lesbian, and her mom was very supportive! What do you think of it?" and things like that. Another good "method" is what KaydenWidz said: Go off for a weekend and leave a note, or an e-mail.
Hi ems, Besides the homophobic thing, do you have a good relationship with your dad? If yes, I'm wondering if you could "prime" him a bit before you actually tell him. Something like: "Hey dad. If I killed someone in a car accident by a non-drunken mistake, you'd still love me, right? … OK, just checking and no, I haven't." Some time (days) later, "Hey dad. Aren't you glad I'm not a criminal or a drug addict? And if I'm happy, you're happy, right?" And still later, "Hey dad. What's the worst thing you could find out about me? No, I'm not dying or pregnant." Now, hopefully, he doesn't answer that you being gay is the worst thing but you could then remind him that he told you that he'd love you even if you killed someone, and you're still not a criminal or a drug addict and as much as he may hate it, this is you and you're happy so you hope he meant it when he said he'd be happy if you were happy.
