Can you look at my coming out letter?

I've made a letter for my parents. My main goal is to come out to them and ask them if I can see a therapist. Can you read over it and tell me if there's anything I need to change or add?

Hey,
I need to tell you something very important to me, because I can't hold it in for much longer. I've been depending on support from the Internet for the past few months, and K***** and J*****, but it isn't enough. It was hard enough just to tell K***** and J*****. (starred out their names for privacy)

I want to come out to you as possibly a trans-male. Meaning transgender. I have been questioning myself since June, but really, I've always felt different for a long time. I'd like to think it's from you (Mom) making me wear a lot of frilly, girly stuff when I was a baby. But others are sure it's a brain genetics thing. To be transgender means to feel a disconnection from the gender I was assigned at birth, which is female. I hate my body and wish it were a male's. This disconnection is dysphoria. Dysphoria sometimes comes with feeling hatred or disgust for one's own body, but not always. I wish I had a flat chest and slim stomach like a boy, and I hate the fat around my stomach that women have in case of pregnancy. My dysphoria has been getting stronger lately because I'm more aware of myself.

There have been signs since I was young that I might be transgender, but I never thought about being trans, it was always that I thought I was odd and different, and maybe a little tomboyish. When you made me wear those girly skirts and bright pink jackets and clogs, I hated it. When I could finally start wearing pants and androgynous clothing, I was happier but still felt off. I have always felt appreciation when you buy clothes for me, but when they are what a girl would wear, I don’t feel like wearing them. And I've always hated my voice. I might have been more interested in singing if I didn’t have the voice I have right now. When I was 12 or so I started training my voice to be lower because I hated it being so high. I'm not saying, however, that I didn't talk much because of my voice, that was just a factor. Mostly, I was just shy...

More evidence of my being trans is that I enjoyed when I was mistaken as a boy. There was this one time in Mrs. Quinby's class where we had a sub for the rest of the year, due to her maternity leave. It was the first day with our new sub and she called me “Sir” until she realized she thought I was a girl. I corrected her, but I wish I hadn't because it made me really happy when she said that. Transgendered people love being called by their preferred pronouns; in my case, it would be “he/his/him.” A lot of trans people who are always called the wrong pronouns feel like it's a “slap in the face.” I won't go as far to say that I agree with that, but it definitely makes me uncomfortable.

I began questioning myself because I found some attraction to girls during tenth grade. I thought I was bisexual, but now, since I have been observing myself for a while, I think I'm primarily attracted to men and just masculine women. I don't really care about labels on sexuality. My attraction is to males with some female exceptions. But questioning my sexual orientation was what lead me to questioning my gender.

Being transgender brings a lot of challenges... So I'd like to be selfish and ask for your help with dealing with this. I would like to talk to a therapist/counselor to help me figure out if I am truly transgender and make sure I am not mistaken. There is a very small percentage of transgendered people who regret transitioning, but I think it’s because they all got the help they needed to make sure of their gender identity before deciding on transition.

If I find out that I am right about being trans with the therapist, the term called "transitioning" is something that I would have to decide about. It's about trying to pass in public as a boy. There are some parts I know I want to do, including cutting my hair and wearing boy clothes, and I already bind my chest, but there are more serious transitioning steps such as taking testosterone (T) shots which I'm not sure about yet. If you'll allow me to see a therapist, we could talk about it.

Remember that I still have doubts and am not 100% sure about all of it, yet. It's still relatively new to me, and transgender people usually have to wait a few years and observe to be sure of themselves.

I know that you have lots of stuff to deal with right now and that I'm being selfish. But I really want some help and I think a therapist can help me. I can only see one with your permission, though. Please keep my note a secret. I'm not ready to share this with anyone else yet.

Thanks for reading

 

Thanks so much for your support everyone! It makes me happy.

I'll take out the part about frilly clothing and possibly the T part, too. Yeah, I wasn't sure if explaining T would be too much or not.

Really: they wouldn't see the genetics part as blame, as I'm adopted, but I agree that genetics was not the right word. Thanks for pointing that out.

 

Thank you both! I plan to give it to them this weekend sometime.

 

Oh God. I waited until night and put the letter on the kitchen table, and awoke to them having read it... My mom is crying outside of my room now. I don't know what to do...

 

Thank you so much, you don't know how much it means. Well, we talked it out and they are still pretty ignorant about the subject, but they said they are going to learn about it and support me. Both my mom and I had a breakdown but it's over, we are moving on...

My mom said some transphobic stuff out of ignorance and I told her it was transphobic.
Also, she told me that being transgender could be just a fad I want to get into... Not true... If I could enjoy and embrace being female I would... But I can't... She doesn't understand.

Those are the only things that bothered me; otherwise, they were super supportive. Their main worry is that I am jumping into things too fast.

Overall, I am relieved.

 

Thank you, Starfleet. (*hug*)