Recently found out my best friend has been telling everyone I am in love with her. I have never accepted myself as gay, not to be rude. I have gone to many support rallies and vote for gay rights, I believe all people should be treated as equal. I just personal don't want to be gay. I've avoided it and never even allowed myself to think about it. My mom abused me growing up, I repressed and didn't deal with until 27. Now at 29, the past two years were hard. I know it's her mental illness and had nothing to do with me being me. It would have happened no matter I was. I thought my friend was straight, when went to Pride (again I thought for support and to party). She told me she was BI, wanted to hold hands with me all night, as I was looking for anyone,went on about how she loves the touch of women, at the end of the night I felt weird and uncomfortable, she put her hand on my inner thigh and said we are supposed to be in each other lives. I am pretty confused, as I've made it clear I don't like being touched by women. Again this is tied to the childhood bullshit and the fact that I don't want to be this way or explore it what so ever. I guess I thought having the prefect family as an adult, would make up for my childhood. I then overheard her and her boyfriend laughing at me because she thinks I am in love with her and can use me for whatever she wants. I didn't deal with it, I don't want to be gay and I don't know why everyone thinks, aside from the fact that I am. I didn't hit on her and never crossed the line with her, again I don't want to be this way. Some life stuff happened and I continued to be a supportive friend, just because she wasn't a good friend, didn't mean that I didn't have to be a good friend to her. Her dad died suddenly and I was the second person she called. I agreed to live in the house to help and her brother keep the house. But then I hear her and the boyfriend fighting and she defending me "She's my friend". I put in headphones. I never wanted to cause an issue with her relationship, I honestly only wanted to be friends with this girl. The next night she is drunk, and yelling telling everyone I am in love with her and what's the big deal that I want her body. I don't want to be gay, let alone lose my best friend over this. I never wanted to come out or address this. I wanted the husband with the upper middle class home. I sort of kind of told them (her and her brother) that I was gay, didn't want to be and that I hadn't been with a women or thought about it. Then they thought I was thinking I am gay because my friend said it and other people's opinions are way to important to me. But I never thought about it because I don't let myself. My friend when I confronted her said she didn't even think I was gay, apologies, feels bad for saying all this stuff behind my back, isn't using me, but thought she felt something back that night. So she thinks I was hitting on her I guess, I don't know. Now I feel like I have been nothing but a running joke to her and her friends. I feel humiliated that everyone is laughing at me. I feel like an asshole for being ok with gay people, voting as well as friendship with other gay people, but not being able to accept myself. I have already started to seek counsel to help with this. I don't want to move away from friends, as I just relocated to the other side of the US. I don't think being alone with strangers is a great idea. But I feel like I have to move, as it's weird. I feel betrayed by my friend, I am crushed that I am gay, and I wanted to be a supportive friend for her during her rough time.
I think that you should really distance yourself from this "friend" of yours. Better yet, don't even bother being friends with her anymore. What kind of friend would do this to you? Don't be crushed that you're gay. That's perfectly healthy and normal. I would be crushed that a "friend" of mine would take so much time out of their day to humiliate me and not even care about me. That's not a friend at all. Find other people who will love you for you and not embarrass you and throw you under the bus for their own pure amusement. I'm sorry that you've had to deal with such shallow people .
Thank you, I think that is also adding to the issue. She was my best friend and I would really like to go back to being good friends, but I also feel like that is because she is my only friend were I currently live, I just moved about 4 months ago to the side of the US. And not having friends right now, that are local is tough. But yeah I should probably drop this person for the time being.
I am so sorry this is happing to you ,first off I would have to agree with Candace you need some space and a little time apart ! I don't know if I would say drop her all together at least not yet , maybe after a little time apart you both can sit down and have a conversation and explain to her how you feel and tell her how much it hurt you when she did what she did . You might also tell her that you are not really sure if you are gay or not and it is your decision to tell who you want to and not her place to tell everybody she wants. She needs to respect you and you decisions. But that is just my opinion . I wish you all the best !! May you be happy the rest of your days. If you ever need to talk and just need a friend to listen I am here please feel free to message me
Wow. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I just want to let you know that we're all here for you. She has no right to make you feel this way and I think that if you decide to remain friends with her you'll have to set some ground rules and tell her about your personal boundaries. If she can't respect you, maybe you should cut ties with her.
We already had the talk, and I told how wrong it was to tell people this. That she can never do this to another person. I don't know, she has problems. She has also been a solid friend in the past, at least to my face. I am sure in time things will get better. I am just struggling and I don't see why this ever had to be a thing. My sexual preferences or hang ups I should said shouldn't be anyways business but my own. She had nothing to gain, but to hurt me and it's tough for a friend to do that. My feelings are just hurt right now and it's all very confusing. Thank you all for reading and the reply backs.
