Okay, so I could use some advice on getting used to maybe being bi. I feel a lot of pressure from society for a label and maybe it's putting pressur on me. I've been mostly happily married to a woman for years but I'm also mostly attracted to men. I don't feel much of an emotional bond with men, though. Just some words from maybe some bi guys would help, no offense meant to everyone else.
Hi there! I would agree with you that the pressure on labeling yourself is somewhat that is coming from society. At the same time, some of the pressure is also coming from yourself as you are trying to figure out what your attractions and feelings for men mean. What might help is not trying to attach a label. By attaching the label to your current feelings/attractions you could potentially be limiting your exploration of your feelings to what the label has come to mean in society and thus miss some other insights. Have you talked with somebody about your attractions?
As someone who is also married, but attracted to men, let me agree with Mirko and also say forget about the pre-printed labels; they are mostly suited for people with only one kind of attractions, not the mixed-up combination of attractions you are feeling. You are probably already used to feeling these attractions for men, and the inconsistency of that fact with your married status and the emotional feelings you still have for your wife. Only you know whether you had these feelings before you got married, and why you decided to get married at the time you did. Such time dependent swings in emotions just don't work with fixed orientation labels, so it is not going to be productive to spend a lot of time worrying about them for the benefit of "society". What you need to be thinking about now is whether you are happy with your wife and marriage, or whether you are headed towards a divorce because your attractions to men are more important for you than your feelings for your wife. Your wife gets to make a decision about this also, unless you decide that she is more important to you and that you can suppress these male attractions or deal with them in some non-sexual way, such as satisfying your need for male bonding in hobbies or sports activities which do not include actual physical sex. If that is not enough for you, then you are going to need to talk to her and let her figure out whether she wants to stay married to you and share your emotions and maybe your body with some other men in some manner. Good luck in figuring yourself out, and then in resolving your situation with your wife if necessary. Feel free to ask if you have other questions about your situation, and I also suggest that you might want to move your discussion to the LGBT Later in Life section if these ambivalent feelings are only recently arrived; there are many of us there who discovered or came to understand these kind of issues only years after being married.
Great replies and much to think about. I was actually sort of okay with things until I recently went to counseling for something else. My therapist was pretty sure that I'm gay and just not letting myself be who I should be because that would make me happy and I feel I shouldn't be happy, like I'm punishing myself for something.
i would suggest telling someone, even if its just one person, that you are bi. i did today and it made me feel great.
