So im not ready to come out quite yet, but i really want to date someone but not being public about it. has anyone ever done this and has it worked or what problems have you encountered. i just recently came to terms that i was bi a few weeks ago and i just have tons of questions sorry >.<
No, not out not sure if gay But I do date women (Keep up appearances) She's an Catholic not confirmed too!
yeah, i've done the whole date girls scene and women just really don't interest me as much as men currently.
Well, if you're not out at all then no one is gonna know that you're keen on guys at all, so I'd say the chances are pretty slim. The first person I came out to was my best friend... and we came out at the same time hahaha so it really wasn't difficult to find a boyfriend I was lucky. I'm not out to that many people still, but I do think that if you tell your closest friends then a few people will know about you... and they may know a gay guy who they could hook you up with? Lol it's worth a shot. But I don't know how comfortable you are with your sexuality and all that, so telling people may be out of the question for you? And it's only early times anyway, you have only recently come to terms with it. Honestly though, if no one knows then I don't see how you could find someone? I could be totally wrong though! Someone else here on EC might have pulled it off Good luck!
lol yeah. right now under my current circumstances I really can't come out to my family and that's where i spend most of my time with since i just moved to a new state so its kinda hard.
Just Do It - Nike Just kidding way your options test your school I did and Defiantly Coming any time soon!
I already graduated college , it was a really learning experience. mostly me denying myself, i guess i missed the best opportunity there.
I'm slightly in the same situation. I would like to date a girl, but I don't want to be openly bi. The only person I've come out to lives on the east coast, and I'm on the west coast. If you're not out, no one is going to assume that you're gay/bi unless you make it obvious. So basically your options are to come out and be openy bi (which you say isn't an option right now, it's not really an option for me either now). Or, no dating guys right now. So either be with girls only, or no one right now. Kind of sucky, I wish there was some secret code that only gay people knew to make it easier for us who aren't out.
i would probably be ok dating a girl in secret, while not been openly out to people. but i dont know if that would be fair on the girl, or on me, seems like it would be really stressful and put a ton of pressure on any relationship. i dont really wanna have more secrets either and is it likely to happen when you arent open to anyone? i think probably not. i dont think many people who are openly out would be happy to be in a secret relationship, like a dirty little secret or something anyways, most might run a mile. i think the only way you can start dating while been in the closet, is if you form a bond with a someone (friend or whatever), and there is already a trust and understanding there, rather than actively seeking out to find someone to be your secret. if the other person is also in the closet, then that would make it easier, but how likely are you to find someone in the closet who confides in you? ..
If you only just came out to yourself a few weeks ago, are you sure you want to jump right into dating guys? If you're really that comfortable, then it's possible to date in secret, but someone is bound to find out eventually. I would wait until you're out to the people you spend the most time with, then worry about finding someone to start a relationship with.
well i dated a guy whilst not being out for over 4 months. so yeah its possible. but its not atall ideal! having to pretend that youre not together around other people is difficult and you reach a stage where you just want people to know. i do think it also puts a bit of a strain on the relationship. for example we could only be together (properly i mean,we did stuff together openly,but could never be a couple in public) when one of us had a free house. so basically yeah its certainly possible but i would say its not easy atall!
I've never dated someone whilst being in the closet, personally. However, there is a gay couple at my school, and they dated for about 3 months-ish before they came out. It's hard, because no one knows you like guys, you can't really do stuff in public, and you'd have to lie to so many people it's not even funny.
I have a similar dilemma-- I want to date, but am not in a position to come out right now. Sorry I can't offer much advice on the topic... looks like we're in the same boat. :icon_sad:
I tried it recently. Didn't work at all. Especially if you're in two different stages in the sexuality journey. He didn't care if people found out;; I've accepted and grown to like being bisexual but i don't want people knowing just yet. I wasn't ready for a boyfriend and definitely wasn't ready for a secret relationship. Its hard trying to be affectionate without raising red flags. BUT just because I failed miserably at it doesn't mean that you will so give it a shot.
