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i think im done on empty closets

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by xXxNealxXx, Sep 23, 2008.

  1. xXxNealxXx

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    well here in the past couple days i have startted denying my "gayness"
    and so therefor i think i think if i stay on here i wont be able to fully deny it
    so byby friends
     
  2. Aw!

    Well, goodbye Neal, you know where to find us if you want to come back, you always be welcome to come back and you'll find us all here to support you.

    Good luck.
     
  3. Ronnie92

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    Good luck Neal and don't be a stranger
     
  4. Martin

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    Hmmm. This will sound harsh so I'm sorry. I'm not having a go but it will get my point across.

    This is an internet forum and leaving it will not help you hide your gayness. If you're under that impression then you're deluded and you're not helping anybody or achieving anything. Plenty of people come on here doubting their sexuality, and it's their choice whether they leave here accepting it or not. You've been here a whole 9 days and have reached a conclusion you're going to deny your gayness, yet only 3 or 4 days ago you were making comments about how you were totally ready to have a boyfriend?

    If you want to leave then that is your choice. This forum is here for those who want help, and if you're not willing to at least help yourself then there is nothing any of us can do. You can spend your life hiding it but chances are it will catch up with you eventually. We have all had to face it and we've came out the other side stronger. There is no reason you can't, and leaving this forum isn't going to magically make your life easier.

    Here's a quote from my MSN name a few days ago:
    "Everything in darkness comes to light some day"
    Think about it. :slight_smile:
     
  5. beckyg

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    Good advice Martin! Neal, I would suggest leaving your account. Take a break if you feel you need to and see how you feel about coming back.
     
  6. Ben

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    Martin has some good points...

    You seem unsure about everything. Staying on here won't make you gayer, but it might help you realise your sexuality. I think that's what might be good for you.

    But if you do leave then the door is always open for you to come back :grin:
     
  7. Gerry

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    Take a break for a while and come back if you'd like. There's no need to be a stranger and close your account. That's not going to help you deny you being gay. But good luck.
     
  8. Mirko

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    Hey Neil,

    I think Martin has raised some good points that you should consider before leaving.

    Not to sound harsh either but why do you want to deny your gayness? Think about it. You might be able to hide it for a short time, but it will catch up with you. If these are the feelings that you are having, it is important that you explore and talk about them. Denying it, won't solve anything. I think if you take your time and read through members' posts you will realize that you are not the only one going through this and certainly not the first one having to come to terms with his sexual identity in a homophobic environment. Yes it is scary, there is no denying it but if you are willing to listen to others who have been there and take it slow you will be able to cross that bridge. As Martin said, we do come out stronger. Life is full of road blocks and detours but at the end you will become stronger because you have overcome them.

    Never fool yourself in believing that denying who you are is going to make your life easier. In fact you might find yourself questioning it all even more and becoming even more confused. This can lead you to feeling and becoming depressed. Why do you want to go down that road?

    If you stick around, we do can provide you with some valuable support. EC has helped people to feel better about themselves and has given them a forum where they can be themselves and don't have to hide who they are. EC has helped me as well to get to the point where I am at.

    As it was mentioned above, it is of course your decision as to whether you want to leave or not, but before you make your final decision, think about the things that were raised in the posts here.

    I do hope that you decide to stay.
     
  9. JT

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    Good luck in however you decide to live your life, sir.
     
  10. xXxNealxXx

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    ok martin face (lol)
    i am 100% ready to have a bf
    but i think about my "gayness" so farkin much
    its driving me insane
    i jus wanna ...wanna.....i dont no wat i want
    but i am scared to death every time i think about letting ppl no the real me
    o yea i actually came out to 1 person in a way
    she was one of my closest friends
    but she moved last year
    but anyway i told her
    and she took it greatly
    but guys are way more hard headed (no offence)
    but im scared out of my mind bout it all
     
  11. Paralyzer

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    Neal! You don't have to leave. I know it's hard and everything, but that's why EC is here, it's meant to help lessen the struggle we have to go through. Things have gotten extremely hard for me at times and honestly, if it wasn't for EC, I wouldn't be where I am now (which is in a very good position regarding my sexuality). It is your choice to stay or go, and I know I'm probably repeating what everyone else said, but seriously, you're always welcome here.
     
  12. Sam

    Sam
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    I can completely understand how you hate being gay because I was right where you are a few years ago. Some people realize they are gay and think ok no big deal and others think I am not gay! I can't be! I will be disowned by my family and my friends will abandon me and I will die if anybody finds out. I HATE THIS! and I refuse to be gay! Sound familiar? The problem with hating it so much that you want to just deny it and put it in the back of you head and forget it is this:

    Living in denial will only make you feel worse, sure it may be ok for a while but in the end you will be miserable because you will start to feel like you can't deny who you are and it will just make you feel so much worse in the end. You are 16 right now but as you get older it will only get worse.

    Take it from me I was in so much denial that I'm surprised I came out of it and the great thing about denial (sarcastic because it's not great) but anyway the great thing about it is that eventually you can't deny it anymore and it resurfaces making you feel like shit.

    So anyway let me tell you that I went into denial for years and just came out of it at about 18 almost 19 well somewhere around that time and I finally got to the point where I realized I would always be alone if I didn't stop denying it. I wanted more from my life than living a lie and you should want that too (not telling you what to think lol).

    I can only give you my advice which is to say don't go into denial it will make you miserable and I'm sure you don't want to feel any worse than you do. Do what makes you happy and also you need to know that who you are is who you were meant to be so think about this some more and maybe you will have the courage to be yourself.

    Maybe your everyday life isn't great right now and you might not be happy but things will get better eventually especially if you decide not to deny who you are (and I'm not saying to go and scream to the whole town that you are bi/gay but I am saying that you should think about what you want from life and learn to accept yourself (it's a long process) and then and only then can you be truly happy about your situation, denying it will only hold in the truth a little longer and like I said make you miserable.

    If you do decide to leave I wish you the best of luck and hope that you took away something positive from EC.

    Sam
     
  13. Mirko

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    Hi Neil, Do you still have contact with your friend? It sounds like that she was/is supportive and I think it would be good if you could keep talking to her. You need the support. Actually you already have taken one major step towards being yourself.

    Maybe take a break and take a step back and try to take it one day at a time. Don't think about everything all at once. It can become overwhelming. I have the feeling that you are already at this point where everything just seems to be a bit too much. Take it slow.

    Try not to think too much about coming out to others at this point. You still have lots of time for that. I hear you that there is a part of you that wants to be truly yourself and that wants to allow others to get to know the real you. However, given the circumstances in which you find yourself in, you have to ask yourself, what would be best for me at this point. Always think about yourself first, in terms of your feelings, emotions and safety. Is there a school counselor that you could talk to and that could provide you with some feedback and support?
     
    #13 Mirko, Sep 23, 2008
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2008
  14. Paul_UK

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    *raises hand*

    Yes, that was me. I knew when I was 16 but spend the next 10 years trying to convince myself that it was just a phase, that I would get a girlfriend and would forget the gayness etc. I was wrong, and it took me 10 years (10 wasted years?) to realise that.
     
  15. Wall

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    Neil, your afraid of being gay because you are not sure what everyone will think about you.(Am I right?) To you, your popularity right now is being more important than yourself. You don't want to lose your friends, so you don't take the chance. Thing is, they aren't really your friends if they don't like you for who you are. So maybe you should show who you really are perhaps? Damn it's gonna be a pain in the neck to tell them, but your going to have to do it eventually.

    Imagine this: You live your life, pretending your not gay for another 10 years. Think about those 10 years. Who would want to live them in denial when if you accept who you are you can spend those years enjoying your life, getting a boyfriend, meeting great people who ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE.

    I'll tell you this now, you might not want to hear this, but ya gotta. Most likely you will lose a friend or two. Everyone does, but in the end, you won't care. First, because your no longer living a lie, second because you will notice that they weren't really you friend because they judge you for being yourself.

    I will also tell you this. Other friends will become closer and better friends because you are trusting them to not judge you and that trust grows into a bond of great friendship.


    Life is like a long highway Neil. You go down it for years and years and years. You come across assholes, you come across oddments, and you come across your best friends. Sure along the road there are some bumps, once in a while, an earthquake! But you gotta fight on, make it to the end of the road, with your friends with you all the way. And on your road-trip you don't wanna live a lie, you wanna live life to the fullest!



    To sum it all up: Be true to yourself, and those who judge you, aren't worth your time :slight_smile:



    P.S. We are EC are all here for you :slight_smile:(&&&)
     
    #15 Wall, Sep 23, 2008
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2008
  16. Noah

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    Neil dude, listen.
    Most of us have been through this before. I personally am a very masculine guy who likes horsepower and guitars and sports. Take a break and sort your feelings out, but keep in mind that you shouldn't jump the gun. It's easy to be impulsive, but there's no reason to make a decision right now. Oh, and as for the thinking about it all the time thing, you'll pass through it. Trust me. About three months after you come out, you won't even think about it.
     
  17. hairdye

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    I'm the least gentle of anyone.
    Stop denying it. It's pointless and futile.
    Leave empty closets, you'll still be gay, you just won't have anyone to turn to for advice.
    oh! fun for you!


    not.
     
  18. sexyalex

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    I never thought i would see the day.*i am pleased* Martin, you took the words directily out my mouth i mean, in a more pleasant way but itsss quite what i was gonna say. :slight_smile:

    Pretty much i totally agree. You leaving EC is never gonna change anything for you when it comes to denial. Being here dosn't make u gay or straight, we are here to help u understand you better through sharing our past and present experiences. Look around, everyone here i mean except for the about 3% of definate striahgt population are here because of some kind of denialand no one here is gonna cow u down to be gay. :dry:

    Also, being straight dosn't mean u can't have associations with gay or bi people. Thats just ridiculous.:eusa_naug But do w/e u want. If you feel leaving EC will make you any straighter then its ure choice. I am not a big fan of allot of the shinanigans here but its this much i understand about the principes here; its not about trying to make u find out ur sexual orientation...its about making u comfortable being yourself.

    Anyways. sorry u had to go.:rolleyes:

    -Alex.
     
  19. silentsound

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    I know when I first joined this community I was all excited that I finally found a place that got it. I was on very unsteady footing with my sexuality back then, and I started worrying that maybe I wasn't gay and I was just convincing myself I was because of the way I fit into the community here like I had done when I thought I was straight for 13 years and 11 months. So I took a break. I stopped logging on for a week or two. Except nothing changed. I had to leave to realize that EC wasn't making me anything. It wasn't making me gay and it wasn't making me obsess over being gay, as it sounds like is the reason your leaving. But I found out that all of that was me, and if anything EC was giving me a release to allow me to think about it a little less. It's natural to think about it more than you would like. My advice to you would be to leave. Just take a week off, see how it goes. But keep your account open. Don't forget EC altogether. Then, when you're ready, come back. We'll be waiting with open arms.
     
  20. HighintheClouds

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    To be or not to be. That is the question.

    And that, is what you're asking yourself, no?

    And who are you? That's probably what you're asking yourself.

    I'm not going to tell you to accept yourself. But I am going to tell you to think about it. A lot. Either way it's a decision which takes a lot of time to think and ponder about. I know this. I was there. I still do occasionally ponder, but it's better for me now =).

    If you force yourself to accept 'being gay', then you'll just reject it eventually. So I'd say that it's fine. Go out of EC. Take a break. If you really want to delete your own account, then it's totally cool. Just so that you can give yourself more space to decide who you are.

    If you do find out that you have been going through a phase, and you're actually straight. I'm happy for you because you're happy where you are. If you do find out that you're gay (or bi or whatever), I'm still glad because you're at least sure of who you are and that you're at least safe in that knowledge. That's the most important thing in life: To be sure of who you are and stick to it.

    Look at me: I'm sure of my orientation. Does that stop me from doubting myself from time to time? Odd as it may seem, the answer is no. Everyone doubts themselves from time to time. It's all how you deal with it. Personally speaking, whether I'll fall in love with a woman (to me, this does not depend on your orientation) and marry her or whether I settle down with the guy of my dreams.. To me, it doesn't matter. As long as I know that what I'm doing ultimately does not make me a person incapable of the love I'm supposed to give others, I'm cool with it.

    So... man... just do this: Think hard. Think long. But at the end of that thinking, make sure you have a much clearer idea of who you want to be. And if you do come back, then hey, welcome back! =)