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Advice about telling grandma

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by CrazyAwkward, Oct 5, 2014.

  1. CrazyAwkward

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    This is something I've thought about off and on over the past year, and I've started to think about it a lot more in the last few weeks. My grandma is the only person I'm close to who doesn't know I'm gay. I almost told her once, but she's very catholic and has given so many mixed signals about how she feels about LGBT people so I chickened out. I know she wouldn't hate me if I told her. She wouldn't be thrilled with the idea, but she wouldn't hate me. But I know she'd worry about me for religious reasons and I'd hate myself for causing her even a little bit of stress after everything she's done for me over the course of my life. She has so much else to deal with.

    But we live in such a small place. If I were to ever be openly and completely out like I want to be she'd hear about it. That's been one of the biggest obstacles for me in the coming out process. I can't help but wonder, if I tell this person, will it get back to her somehow? A bunch of other little things do, so it's very likely that it could happen. And I don't want her to find out that way. I don't want her to feel hurt that I didn't tell her myself.
    I'm really not sure how to handle this. I don't want to censor myself anymore, but I don't want to cause her stress. And I feel so selfish for even thinking of doing something that might upset her in any way. What should I do?
     
  2. AJ Bee

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    No real advice, just a little understanding... One of the reasons I am still so far in the closet is because I'm not ready for my very Catholic grandmother to know.. not because she'd judge me but because I don't want to worry her.. Best of luck.
     
  3. alwaysforever

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    I have no real advice on the situation, but I did want to say that people can suprise you, both in good and bad ways. My grandmother turned out to be one of the most supportive people when I came out and that totally shocked me. Especially after what happened with my grandfather.

    I am not saying that your grandmother will be accepting, but remember that you are living your own life. If coming out completely is what will make you happy, then think carefully about it. It may hurt her, but hopefully she will eventually accept it.
     
  4. inkling

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    I'm currently working on telling my grandmother. I want her to be the first. I won't tell her for another few months, but that's because I'm getting her ready for the idea.

    Does your grandmother know any gay people? My grandmother once pointed out to me the guy who cut her hair was gay. I used the opportunity to ask her what she thought of it and how she felt about gay rights. Every now and then if our discussion gets onto lgbt I'll ask her if she can imagine me being gay. I also hint a lot.
     
  5. CrazyAwkward

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    Thank you. Just knowing that someone is in a similar place is helpful somehow. I wish you luck as well :slight_smile:

    I think she would accept it in time, if she didn't right away. But she would worry, and I think it would hurt her in a way. And if she does take it badly most of my family would likely not speak to me for a very long time, and they're all I've got. Upsetting grandma is like the number one no-no with us. But I guess that's something I'll just have to brace myself for. If I ever tell her. I'm glad your grandma was so supportive :slight_smile:

    There are gay people in her church. I remember her being upset one day because the priest started spouting ati-gay stuff. She didn't like that because they're "still good people" she said. But on the other hand when a woman who used to be in the choir with her came out as gay and married a woman she had less than supportive things to say. She also blamed this coming out and marriage for killing this woman's mother. Because it couldn't have been old age or anything... That's when I deleted a coming out email that I had all ready to send to her that night. I just have no idea how she'll react :confused:
     
  6. CrazyAwkward

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    I think I'm just gonna write another email. Not that I'll send it for awhile. If ever. But it'll be better than nothing.

    Posting this here because usually if I tell the internet that I'm gonna do something then I'll do it instead of chickening out.