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I feel so alone...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MacAlex, Sep 24, 2008.

  1. MacAlex

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    I have been single for about a month now, and it's killing me. Now, I'm not exactly hurting for people trying to get with me, but I have a serious problem of being super picky, both appearance wise as well as personality wise. both have to fall within a specific set of rules, or i don't seem to be attracted to the person at all... My friends have basically called me of any of the following: racist (i'm only attracted to white guys, i dont care if im friends with someone of another race, i just dont find myself attracted to them!), conceited (if they're not really cute, im not interested.. again, cant explain it, but im kinda stuck with it), stuck up, too picky (i feel like this is true), etc...
    I don't know what to do anymore. i've seriously looked within 100 miles of me on all the dating sites and found very few people im attracted to physically, and most of them FAIL the personality test miserably... none of my friends know anyone that im attracted to either... is there something wrong with me for being so picky? does it make me a bad person?

    sorry if this is a retarded post, its almost 3:30 am for me.
     
  2. jony8472

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    Of course not!!

    You said that you don't mind being friends with other people, and you can't help who you're attracted to, so as long as you're still nice to everyone you're not a bad person.

    And I'm sure the right guy will come along. I mean it's 'only' been a month, so give it a bit more time=]
     
  3. MacAlex

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    i seem to have the worst luck with dating. i had an awesome relationship for 4 months with this amazing guy, and he ruined it all by cheating on me with my friend who i introduced him to.... within 24 hours of them meeting... yeah, that sucked. was single for 2 months, met a really cool guy, dated him for a month and a half or so before he broke up with me, because he wasnt as into me as i was into him... honest to god, now that i look back on it, as AWESOME as he was, i still wasnt even over my first relationship... and i still am not...

    and it hurts. i need to get over him, and i cant. =\ for me the only way to move on is to find somoene else, and i am having no luck whatsoever.
     
  4. HighintheClouds

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    No, man, no. That's not right, and I suspect that that's the reason why you can't seem to find another guy. I think that you're still thinking too much about your first boyfriend.

    I can't offer much advice here, being so young, but I sincerely believe that you should talk to somebody about this. Somebody who you can trust and whose advice you know is most likely to be wise and true. Still, I am of the opinion that it's this belief of 'I need to find someone else in order to move on' which is driving you down into the dumps instead of lifting you up from them.
     
  5. MacAlex

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    I have talked to so man people about its not even funny. parents, brother, best friends, therapist, fag hag (she is the one who understands me best, undoubtedly)
    dont ever let yourself think that just because of your age you can't offer good advice! your advice was sincere, and wise. I am thinking far too much about my first bf... like... wayyyy too much. those were the happiest 4 months of my life. maybe i didn't get closure.. i have NO idea what it is.
    i stayed single for almost 2 months after he cheated on me, and i thought i was over him (i really did...my friends helped me a LOT). maybe i just miss being in a relationship? part of me wants to think that, but i sincerely doubt it, since my relationship with my last BF was FAR better in terms of him being a good person, etc... and yet...as the relationship came to an end.. i kinda looked back on it, i realized that although he was an awesome person, and i cared DEEPLY for him, he would never have the same place in my heart as my first bf... i dont think anyone could. I'm really torn on what to do about this all. i probably seem like a 'tard :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    (still havent slept!):icon_wink
    Thanks for listening
     
  6. Jim1454

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    My concern is the fact that you've only been single for a month, and it's killing you. Why is that? You should be able to be happy without a boyfriend. Because if you can't be happy without a bf, then there are perhaps some issues you need to work with. And until those issues are resolved, it's unlikely that you'll be able to find a bf that will stick around for an extended period of time...

    You've got to love yourself before someone else will. That might sound corny, but it's true.
     
  7. Lexington

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    From what I can tell, you're not looking to move on.
    You're looking to replace this guy.

    Presumably, your ex was white, hot, and had a personality you really clicked with (or that you were really attracted to). And so now you're looking for the same model, but without the defect (cheating).

    That's gonna be one hell of a search.

    What should you do? Stop. Stop even looking for a boyfriend/date. You're not ready. You're going to keep comparing everybody to your ex, and they're all gonna come up wanting. Which will just make you think that maybe that ex- was the right guy after all. No. Stop. Go hang out with your friends as a single guy. Spend time chatting with folks online. Stay single, stay social, get back into being yourself again. If you happen to run into somebody you click with, great. If not, no worries.

    Lex
     
  8. cityboy340

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    it's ok. I have such high criteria also that basically everyone has given up trying to find me dates :slight_smile:
     
  9. ScentedRegrets

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    I think Lex hit it on the nose (not surprising). Don't forget, you are 14! I would say that junior year is a more realistic time for someone to be in a serious relationship, not a freshman. No offense. Speaking from experience, there is something that seems to "click" in junior/senior year where people become more open minded, and then this gets magnified in college. I think that you are just setting yourself up to be disappointed at this stage. Spend time with your friends for now. Your time will come.

    BTW - Palo Alto may be the coolest place on the planet. My cousin lives there. You will not be single forever there, I promise.