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How do I repair a friendship with her now after a rejection?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by littlered4517, Oct 7, 2014.

  1. littlered4517

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    First, sorry its sort of long. I Told her how I felt last night (she's gay too and about 20 yrs older). She just got out of a bad relationship so I hate I confessed to her now of all times but didn't really mean to; just happened but I thought all the signs were there that she liked me back. This was her initial response: Well alright then ....I don't know what I have done to make you feel this way, but you have feelings your unsure of and I am so much older than you. ..it may just be a crush .... I don't want to hurt you Im just not ready for another relationship yet and you are a sweet woman abd I like you a lot I just don't want you to fall for me and it not work ....

    I've been embarrassed ever since and I feel like I can't talk to her now because it's just awkward. Today I apologized for putting her through all that last night & she said I didn't put her thru anything and that it's fine (with a smiley face at the end). Does it sound like she really is fine or that she's now uncomfortable with me and that I've ruined our friendship? We probably won't see each other face to face again til friday. What do I do? She's felt sick all day today with a virus so I'm hoping this is why she hasn't wanted to talk but it could be she's uncomfortable. But at the same time I don't want to bug her. How do I fix this? We used to cut up, wrestle a little over things at work & it was a relaxed friendship. I'm so confused and mad at myself right now
     
  2. CrazyAwkward

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    If she says she's ok with it, I'd believe her. Try not to stress, act like everything is the way it was. Easier said than done, I know, but all you can really do at this point is take her word for it. You've got a decent amount of time before Friday rolls around. Use it to relax yourself and then just go with the flow when you see her again.
     
  3. littlered4517

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    Thank you. So should I text her or anything before then? I don't want to bug her but I also don't want her thinking I don't want to talk to her anymore
     
  4. CrazyAwkward

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    You're welcome :slight_smile: If you used to text on a regular basis before than I don't think it would be a big deal. Maybe wait a day since she's sick, give her time to rest, then ask her if she's feeling any better.
     
  5. littlered4517

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    We've sent a few texts today & she's liked a few things I've put on Facebook today. But her texts are so short & distant feeling. She's the kind of person who loves to call people baby, honey, babe & things like that & she was always doing that with me in person & in texts. I won't see her again til Friday but she is no longer saying these words in her texts. I'm so afraid she feels too uncomfortable now and feels like anything she says or does will make me think she's flirting or something. I wish I had never opened my mouth because I miss the kind of friendship we had.

    We're also supposed to spend the night at her friend's house Monday & hang out that evening. How do I fix this? How do I act around her or get her to a point where she can feel comfortable around me again?
     
  6. Really

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    What if you said/emailed/texted her something like this? Does it sound like something you'd say?

    "Hey! I hope you're feeling better. Guess what? I'm also feeling better (from my break with reality). Just want to thank you for your sane response to my emotion-drenched confession. I've had time to think about it and realize that it had no basis in logic. My personal epiphany set off phasers in my head (obviously set to stun), some of which hit you. I'm back now so if you can forgive me, I'd like to forget this episode for the timebeing until we can laugh about it. I'll let you know when. :}"
     
  7. littlered4517

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    That's awesome!! Thank you! We're texting again for now and trying to cut up a little. The other night I told her how embarrassed I was for what I said and she told me not to be and that she was honored beyond words but just didn't want me to get hurt. I'm going to keep what you said in my back pocket just in case