Hey All! So I'm new to this site but would really love some advice. I am fairly certain I am a lesbian, but I have never actually experimented with another girl. I know that might seem like I'm kind of jumping the gun (or maybe it doesn't) but it's just a feeling I've had...for a long time. I am not a stereotypical lesbian, and I think if I told people they would be shocked (both reasons why I have been able to lie to myself for so long). But I am at kind of a stagnant point right now. I'm unhappy/depressed and nothing seems to be helping -- I am out to no one and don't even know who I would tell if I decided I were finally ready. I should probably go to a LGBT group on campus but I am so nervous! I don't have any LGBT friends that I can talk to about all of this and am feeling very lost/alone in it. I almost feel like I am too old to have never experienced something with a girl? I know that's probably not true but it makes it more intimidating to know there are people years younger than me, so confident in who they are, while I am stuck in the closet still. It hasn't been a huge barrier in my life until recently - I have been able to push it aside and distract myself, but lately it's becoming more and more painful to stay hidden. I keep having to turn down awesome guys with stupid excuses, and I am sick of it! Has anyone out there had a similar experience? Or have any advice for me at all? I know nothing will change until I start to make moves... so maybe just some inspiring words of wisdom is all I need THANK YOU for humoring the newbie; I am so glad this site exists! :smilewave
Hello and welcome to EC. This is a good place to explore all of the feelings you have at the moment. I'm not sure exactly how old you are right now, but I can say that I was in my early 20's before I felt confident enough to start dating other guys and come out. Until then, I had the feeling that I was gay, like you, but I kept trying to suppress it and push it to the back of my mind. In truth, the inner voice got louder everytime I did that. Coming out and dating someone of the same sex does feel scary at first. I had all sorts of pre-conceived ideas about other gay men and a feeling that I wouldn't fit in, but I joined an online community, like Empty Closets and started to chat with other LGBT people and it settled my mind a lot. I realised that other gay men and lesbian women are very diverse. If you have an LGBT group on campus does it have a co-ordinator or leader? If so, maybe you could make contact with them and share what you have shared with us. Most of these groups are open to people who are at the questioning stage too. Joining the group would open up the door to some real life support, encouragement and friendship. When you have that to fall back on it makes the process of coming out easier too. Keep coming back here as we have lots of members in the same position as you and other members who have been there. Finally, don't concern yourself with age. Contrary to what you believe, we don't all come out of the closet and start forming relationships early in life. Some people leave it much later, I assure you.
