My dad can't make up his mind! It's driving me insane I wish he would either say I accept you or I don't accept you and leave it at that but he can't seem to do that. I understand it can be hard for parents to accept their gay child and that it can take some time to find out how they feel but this is crazy. Maybe I'm not very understanding but it's been almost 2 years! When I came out to my dad he was accepting and said that he loved me unconditionally and that is what he said until around May when he decided to tell me that I am going to burn in hell and that I am nasty and basically spent about an hour on the phone with me saying every hurtful thing he could think of and then he basically stopped talking to me. He only called me when my mom basically forced him and it was a 2 minute conversation at the most just to please my mom by "talking" to me. As of now: I went to a lgbt meeting at my school and he found out and called me a few days later and the first thing he said is "so how did your meeting go" and I was shocked because first of all he almost never calls me and second he never mentions anything to do with "that subject". I say that it was good and I literally said this to him, I wish you would make up your mind, one day you are accepting and then the next you are saying all kinds of nasty stuff and avoiding me and then you decide you accept me again and he said well this isn't how I pictured my life I thought I would have a son-in-law and grandkids. I told him that I understood and then we just started talking and in the end he actually ended the call with I love you:tears: I haven't heard that in about 5 months. I know, I know I get emotional over 3 words :icon_redf but I haven't even gone into half the shit that has happened with my dad and I over the past several months. What I'm worried about is whether or not this is going to be permanent or is he just going to change again... I find myself waiting for him to start saying stuff and avoiding me again and I don't think that is fair of me to be waiting for him to do that, I feel like a bad person for not believing this change is here to stay but he has done this before so I don't know what to think. I catch myself thinking "make the most of this because he's going to go back to being unaccepting again."
I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I've interacted with you a few times and you are a sweet person. I feel for you and I regret that you are feeling some pain. Let me throw around a new hypothesis. Could your father be bi-polar? My aunt is. The other day we were at a family bbq. She sees me, says "Hi Matt, how is the job? It is great to see you!" Then I am playing football outside with her son (7 years old) and several other kids (I am a big 23 year old kid at heart on weekends). Apparently, I wasn't throwing the ball to her son enough. She then said "that is so like you, just exclude your family." I asked her what she meant. She said "you can't even throw to your own cousin." I said "I have thrown to him more than just about everyone else. I love Alex like a brother, what are you talking about." Then she says the following to me. "Alex, come inside. Don't play with Matt, he doesn't know how to share." Then she starts walking inside and while doing so, turns around and says "play with the other kids you queer pedophile. Maybe you can masturbate to the thought of these kids in the nude tonight but leave my son out of it. Why don't you go tell your mother like you always do, fag." I was shocked, but I ignored it pretty much and went on playing football. The pedophile part I never understood. Never, ever, freakin ever in a million years. I would kill myself before I would, cough, touch or even think of touching a child. But anyway... she came up to me later in the afternoon and said "so what do you think about the Giants this year, they are doing really well. I think we should go to a game together, you and me." I almost peed in my pants. I asked her "I thought I was a queer pedophile and an unreliable fag." She said "Matt I think the world of you, I was just upset cuz the kids at school always make fun of Alex because he sucks at sports." So on the way home (we had a 2 hour ride home) I explained to my mother and father what happened, leaving out the homosexual references because I am STILL not out to my father. My mother admitted that she was on medications because she was diagnosed as bi-polar. She said that if I called her in two or three days, she would never remember calling you a pedophile. She always talks very highly of me, and thats the truth in her. She just has something called an alter persona that she mentally resorts to when there is an imbalance in her thought processes. They are short-lived in her memory and do not affect the long-term images in her memory. I think that your father may have something similar going on. My advice? Tell him how you feel. I know my mother cried because she wanted to have a lush wedding and a ton of grandkids, too. But she got over it. I think your father may be adjusting to it, too, albeit in a not so natural (or kind) way. I hope this helps. Please let me know how it goes.
I don't know about your dad being bi polar he might just be struggling with himself. There is almost certainly a part of him who loves you whatever your sexual orientation, you are his daughter and he loves you, another part of him is the man who has an image of how he would LIKE his daughter to be, ie, husband, grandkids etc. He has to come to terms with his conflicting feelings for you. Accepting that the person you love does not live up to the image you have made for them is not always easy. If you have the courage you might want to bring this up with your dad and tell him that you understand that he loves you and also that you don't live up to the image he had of you but that this is something he is going to have to work through himself without saying mean things to you and hurting you. Your dad needs to change the image he has of you and see you for the loving, caring, giving person that you are and not a baby making machine. This is not about him and his life as a grandpa, this is your life. Your dad will come round because he really does love you. You are going to need to help him come to terms with his loss... loss of being a grandpa. Let him know that he will always play a part in your life, it is not that he will never be a grandpa that he won't share in your life.
