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Im questioning myself , Please help me

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jogos, Oct 9, 2014.

  1. Jogos

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    Hi everyone, please honestly just help me out, as I swear on my life, i would help u all out too, and in the past i have helped online answer some LGBT questions. im really sad, i feel like i need to just cry a bit but i cant... since sunday i came out to my mother im 19 btw and she doesnt believe im gay also because after coming out i felt so physically and mentally sick i had to go back and tell her i dont feel sexually attracted to anyone, so she thinks i am just a "late bloomer" (but she does accept homosexuality)

    I just dont know whats wrong with me, ive always felt perfectly comfortable in my own skin and now i am always questioning myself... like i will watch gay kisses and feel awkward, its as if i am looking at it from a hetero perspective, but im not heterosexual. I feel really awkward, a bit sick (well i have a cold also) and i have a court situation at the end of the month..could it be the stress of everything? I know who i am, but now i dont feel like me...i feel messed up inside, and i regret having told her, but i had to incase she heard from someone else..i thought it would always be better hearing it from her own son, im 19... ive never felt so confused in my life, and i dont feel like eating sometimes, although i force myself and think of other stuff when i have to eat. Please someone help my mind get back to who i am...she acts the same because deep down i know shes like, he isnt...but i just dont know whats wrong
     
  2. lb41974

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    Jogos, I have to say in my opinion that yes part of what is going on with you could be caused by stress . If you feel deep down inside that you are gay then you are don't let her denial make you second guess your self . Now take a big deep breath and calm down you will get threw this I am here for you my new friend :slight_smile: . You felt it was the right time to tell her or you wound not have done it you can't undo it now so lets move forward you are a strong young man and you will make it threw this little bump in the road . If you ever need to talk I will be glad to do it just let me know .
     
  3. PatrickUK

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    Jogos, you say you are gay and you made the decision to come out to your Mom on Sunday, but can I ask, how do you feel about being gay?
     
  4. AJ Bee

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    No good advice, but every time I have told somebody I'm a lesbian (a handful of people) I go through a similar questioning phase. Good luck!
     
  5. Jogos

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    Well since i was 16 i fell in love, and acted badly so i was outed against me will in high school and suffered from homofobic bullying, it was weird for me i was so scared of them but i got to a point where i didnt care what they thought about me, and started to visualize myself as a star (like someone famous in my head) im 100% sure im not, i just did it to block their comments and nastiness, i did go through hell but all i wanted was to have my friends and study, so i did always thinking the future will be better because none of them matter...by 18 i got to not caring what they think unless i like them.... so i only cared what my friends thought so i wouldnt be alone, although i felt extremely alone.

    Now, about my sexual orientation, ive always been ok with it within my mind...sometimes when i fell in love with a guy, id be really sad and wish i was born a girl, but when i look at the mirror i like what i see and im okay being gay, because the feeling of attraction i have to guys i like it, its sensual and i dont know how to explain its like passion, like a made up place in my mind...once i told my mother everything around me froze...When i was 17 i had a weird experience, i tried to kiss a guy and i came home feeling extremely sick and told her i thought i was bi...but she said no your not... but cause i had to block that fear and study i managed to force my mind to block that memory, when i think about it now im ok...but now im older, im 19 and when i told her days ago everything around me froze and i started feeling like it was so wrong what i had done... So I went back to her bedroom, and yes i am sure she thinks im not gay. Im not ready i guess to come out... i accepted myself but not in my mothers eyes or families i guess..hard to explain, although i hope im not making my mother sound awful ,she isnt . she is wonderful. Just now when i look at pictures of guys i like i feel weird... and a bit unwell, more mentally now than physically...i can still at night have fantasys of men but its odd i dont feel the same pleasure i used too..I feel like i am trapped psychologically and i do suffer from anxiety...I really wanna get back to how i am mentally and hope this is just a phase...

    ---------- Post added 9th Oct 2014 at 07:41 AM ----------

    How long does it usually last? and thank you btw :slight_smile: i wish u all the best
     
  6. doglover44

    doglover44 Guest

    How does being gay make you feel ? Sometimes its hard to except our selves
     
  7. Jogos

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    The attraction that i feel for guys (well guys i find sexually attractive, we all have different tastes) Is amazing its an attraction that makes me feel...complete? no, satisfied yes at least my sexual fantasys do

    But seeing myself as being gay from other peoples perspective , that feeling of "he is different" is awful. Because i am already different, being shy, or not hanging out with so many boys, to label me gay is just wrong. im a human this whole labelling system annoys me, and also i over think things way too much, i mean its as if people picture how we are, flamboyant and the way we have sex (anal) yes because my mother explained "you do know how they have sex" me trying to explain to her there are other ways , cause i find anal disgusting, no offense to anyone, in fact a LOT of heterosexuals also do it! It was easier going back and explaining no im confused, i like some girls i think they are pretty but i dont think of sex... all i want is to feel comfortable...when i first knew i was gay, this will seem really awkward but im being honest with u all here, you dont know me, and i dont know u :slight_smile:

    I remember being around 12 years old and whenever i saw a boy i liked id pretend a girl would be kissing him (sometimes, not like a horny horny haha :slight_smile: ) and soon by the age of 13 i pictured me kissing them but me being a girl, like my face was the same but i had long hair like a girl, i was dressed as a girl and it felt so natural to me...by the age of late 15 i accepted myself, how i was (so its not a gender identity problem i think) and sometimes im like, i wish i had been born a girl, but i actually dont ... because i dont like vaginas.. i dont like how they are so bitchy, (high school girls, the ones that are, cause some are amazing people i met and am glad i met) i dont like the whole period system...although i dont like shaving, and i just think personally if we were all bisexual the world would be perfect for me to feel comfortable in... I really hope this doesnt sound insane or traumatize anyone. But yeah but 15 in my mind i was no longer a girl with my face, but a boy , i was ..me! just couldnt speak out about my feelings. Not sure if other gay males have felt like this? my mind has always been a place where id drift off to survive bad situations. like a big television channel and sometimes i was fearful if i was going insane but no, sometimes not even those fantasies can save me from realities pain
     
  8. doglover44

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    I remember when I was a kid and thought liking boys was wrong
     
  9. BiErik

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    Jogos, when I came out, I felt nauseous for a couple of days. Basically it's like jumping off of a cliff. Youcan never go back and you don't really understand what it's like until it's too late. Even very accepting parents may think differently about their child being homosexual. Tell your mom the truth don't let her talk you out of it. That sick feeling will go away after a while.
     
  10. scully

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    I came out to my mom yesterday and I felt like I was going to throw up afterwards. It wasn't the freeing experience I hoped it would be. I questioned eveything all last night and this morning and I'm still feeling sick about it. But I do feel better. Don't let the stress of it all make you worry if you made the wrong decision. You know in your heart how you feel and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
     
  11. NewGirl24

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    Watch your favorite movies, listen to those songs you loved like 10 years ago, talk to old friends, remind yourself of a time before you felt this way. Take a deep breth. Cry if you want to. Stay true to yourself. LOVE yourself, because I love you! We all do! Take some time to yourself if you have to and rediscover yourself. Do something for you and not to please your mother or anyone else. Be you. Make it count love.
     
  12. BiErik

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    For me, I felt sick at first because I had a little doubt, was I really gay, did I just leave the safety of my closet, I can never go back. Mom and dad now know about my desires now. Duo they think I am sick? Who is going to turn their back on me? Am I ready to lose people that meant the most to me. Turns out, I was ready, but I wasn't sure.