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Asexual or Gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Chaz, Sep 25, 2008.

  1. Chaz

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    Hey everyone, you all probably don't know me (because I lurk 90% of the time :thumbsup:) but I need some serious advice. Lately I don't know my sexuality at all. I've labeled myself gay for probably the last 8 months, but one of my friends introduced me to a girl. We have a lot in common and she liked me, I liked her too..But I don't think it was the same like..I've never been really interested in sex, period. I've held conversations with other guys, and if the conversation leads into girls one of the first things I hear is "Did you screw her yet?"

    When I said I liked the girl, was it because of infatuation and just wanting to be friends? Because we're "Dating" now..It's nothing but a label honestly..But the last thing I wanna do is break her heart. I was rushed into the relationship in the same day we met, so I had literally no time to think.

    Onto another note, I'm pretty sure i'm not bi, I don't find girls sexually attractive at all. But I don't know if I am sexually attracted to boys either, because I've never had an experience. The town I live in has 0 gay/bi people.



    The The two things I'm hoping answered for those who couldn't get it out of the preceding 2 paragraphs:


    1.) What do I do with the girl I'm "dating" because I think I was rushed into it, and I don't think we should be dating.

    2.) is there a way to tell whether not I am Gay, or Asexual, or maybe something completely different?

    Thanks for any comments you leave, I'll be checking the post again in another 8 or so hours (school). Thanks all ^^
     
  2. Matty

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    I've had similar thoughts about myself in the past. Just take your time, experience and learning about yourself through it will lead you to discovering who you are.
     
  3. ArcaneVerse

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    Hii, i cant really give you much advice on your sexuality because I'm in a similar situation but i can give you some help with the girl.

    It sounds like you really like this girl but until your sure about who you are and everything like that i don't think its fair on her or yourself to continue dating her, just be like "i really like you but i need to figure some things out atm and i don't want to hurt you in the process".

    You don't need to tell her what you need to figure out if your not ready for that but if you feel you can trust her with this information then go for it, it may even help you to have someone to talk to in person.

    You can still stay friends with her and then later down the track if you realize your bi or asexual then you can try and get back together when things are clearer and a lot better for both of you.

    Hope this helps.
     
    #3 ArcaneVerse, Sep 25, 2008
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2008
  4. aaaaaa

    aaaaaa Guest

    I had the reverse problem-- I thought I was asexual before I knew I was gay.

    The only advice I can offer is to not rush to make conclusions either way.

    What you're experiencing with the girl in question may be feelings of friendship, not love, but it's up to you to determine that. If you're unsure, I'd suggest approaching the girl and asking to just be friends-- you wouldn't want to hurt her in the process.

    Also, don't be alarmed by doubting your sexuality... I know I did quite a bit of that in the first few months of considering myself gay (again, it was the opposite of what you're experiencing-- I thought I was asexual at first), but thinking about it and not rushing into anything helped me quite a bit.

    There is no definite, official test to take for determining your sexuality-- just use what you know about yourself, your personality, and your relations towards others as examples while you mull over this situation.

    Best of luck figuring everything out. :newcolor:
     
  5. Chaz

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    Thanks everyone for the advice. For an update, we are no longer dating. I don't know how she's taking it yet, hopefully she isn't too mad/depressed.
     
  6. byeee

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    I thought I was asexual for a while because I'm not the kind of person that gets easily turned on- but you'll know it when you find someone special- girl, guy, whatever...
     
  7. gentlegiant4

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    I was in pretty much the same place a year ago. I "liked" this girl (Which I have come to realize was just excitement upon meeting such a great friend) and we "dated" for a while. I kind of figured, I'm not really into guys or girls, but it's ok to be with a girl; I just have a low libido.

    I do have a low libido. I had never been excited by anyone in any sexual situation. It seemed like nothing could excite me.

    But then I became infatuated with a guy, and he got me going. And I knew that no matter how much I "liked" a girl, she could never make me feel the same way.

    I think this is the root of the confusion. I'm no therapist, but I think that when that situation comes along, it might hit you like a ton of bricks.
     
  8. Chaz

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    Hah, I loved reading this...It sounds almost exactly like my situation. Well, hopefully we'll see what happens ^^
     
  9. myra

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    From what it sounds like you might be pansexual. From what I understand a pansexual isn't attracted to someone because they are a guy or a girl, but they are attracted to them because of their personality. I'm pretty sure that's what I am, even though i previously identified as bi. But they aren't really the same. Take that into consideration and maybe look some stuff up on that.
     
  10. gutsrie

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    my sister claims she is asexual/pansexual but so far, she claims she has no sexual desire for anyone. except her lolis and her ecchi games.
     
  11. krazykyle

    krazykyle Guest

    maybe try stuff with both and see how it goes? lol.