Its been very easy to mask and hide my feelings for years. Now that I graduated college and have had the past few months to myself, the overwhelming though that I am gay has really bothered me and has turned me into an introvert and I hate how I feel. Lot of confusions in my life right now like what career path I take and all that, but the hardest thing has been thinking about my future and not having someone. I had a goal to tell a few close people by the end of the summer, and I did...but it didn't really help too much. I think it will be something I only tell a handful of people in my life and not show much because its not what I want to be really. I talked with my sister and one of my best friends and they were both very supportive and shocked but then I built up the courage to talk with my mom after being very frustrated, and she said she doesn't get it at all and to never say it to anyone again and that I would lose all my friends and be an outcast and not fit in anymore. I have always had an attraction to older guys (40s 50s) since I can remember, but always had sports and fraternity and many things to keep it in the back of my mind until now. My mom said she has never seen any signs and that I am too smart and manly and how I am friends with all manly guys (I actually don't really have any girl friends and never have), and am solely attracted to older masculine guys, and I just don't get it. I am going to keep this all quiet again because I don't think many of my friends are mature enough to understand that if I am gay, it doesn't mean I like any of them or are any different. And the fact that Im only into older guys is just harder and weird to explain. Just feeling very alone and different. I feel like the straightest gay guy there is. Ive never acted on anything or expressed anything gay before. Ive had sex once with a girl in college when I was drunk because I wanted to tell myself if I did then I could forget about these thoughts for a while, but it kind of just made it more apparent to me.
Your mother is wrong. You won't be an outcast. Her theories are prehistoric and fear-driven. Look into some gay-friendly locales now that you are graduated (congrats!) and independent. As for older men, that might be just the ticket. Someone that would be nurturing and not just out for frivolity. You might feel like an outcast, but in actuality you are having a moment of clarity and that can really spur you onward. Don't be sad. You are a beautiful, sensitive, athletic young man with his whole life ahead of him. It looks bleak now, but trust me, to someone you are the ultimate catch. Believe it!
You need to do what you feel is right, regardless of what you mother says or thinks! Its your life, you need to be happy. It will be your mothers loss, not yours. Go date some guys and be yourself. See how it works for you.
I came out to my mom when I was 28, and she expressed similar thoughts about keeping it quiet. I believe she was acting on motherly instinct to protect me from getting hurt by others that might reject me. Your mom might be thinking along those same lines. I completely understand your being introverted because of being gay. I am the same way, probably from my own fears of being rejected. Work on this, please. Don't miss out because you held yourself back. You will regret doing so, just as I have. I'm now 52 years old. I've missed out on so much because of introvert behaviors and hiding my sexuality. If you can't overcome this behavior alone, please seek out a professional that than help you. Best wishes for a happy life. You can do it.
oh, and btw, 40-50 year-olds are Great! They are more mentally mature, with a lot of life experiences; and those that have come out later in life (like myself), know what it is to be in long term relationships. Its an ideal age to date
If you are attracted to older men, then go out and find an older man who is also attracted to you; you won't have to look very hard; the odds are decidedly in your favor. You will eventually become an "older man" yourself, so your age will eventually catch up with your attractions.
