Hey. This is my first time posting here, go easy on me :icon_redf I'm 15, but i've always been aware that i was different. I knew I liked girls from a young age and I've always been very confident of that fact. I'll try not to make this too long, so I'll separate it into categories. With guys: I've only had 3 boyfriends, ranging from we're probably getting married, to we'll probably only last a month. I was sexual for the first time with my first boyfriend. I performed oral sex on me, but whenever he asked to perform oral on me, I would always say no and I don't really know why, I just had a feeling I wouldn't like it. I only ever gave him head because it made me feel good making him feel good. When I finally let him go down on me, it was pretty bad. I didn't feel anything, so I tried focusing on just feeling good and being in the moment, but nope. Nothing. It got pretty awkward for me so I faked an orgasm and we moved on. I ended up breaking up with him because I wasn't really into our relationship. At the time I didnt have any serious girl crushes. With my second boyfriend, things were okay. He asked me out and I said yes, but immediately after got this feeling of "Doh! Why'd you say yes?!". I'm talking 5 minutes after. At the time I was hardcore crushing on a girl friend, so I broke up with him by telling him I was gay. It didn't work out with my friend, but I still didn't want to date guys. After my second boyfriend, I started identifying as pansexual. When I met my third boyfriend, they cameo out to me as gender queer, but identified mostly as female. I said that it was cool because I preferred females anyway. But after a series of girl crushes, I don't think I'm pansexual. I think i'm a full blown homo. I don't feel sexually attracted to the person I'm dating, I don't feel very romantically attracted to them either. I have no girl crushes, but I also know I definitely am not attracted to guys. I also found this list of break up reasons from another user here that was scarily accurate in my case. -The fact that I want to go to a boarding school that's very far away doesn't hurt me as much as it hurts him. -My first crush was a girl -I've always known i liked girls -I honestly think I've been dating him because I enjoy his company as a very close friend. -I can't stop thinking about being gay -When we're alone I don't want to do sexual stuff...I just enjoy our witty banter and fun conversations -I LOVE womens bodies and lesbian porn -I feel like something is missing from the relationship -I don't get nervous around guys the way I do around women -I think women are insanely beautiful -I've never felt like I was "one of the girls" -If i stay with him I'm probably wasting his time when he should be looking for a partner who loves him back completely -I think guys are better suited for me as friends -I feel very trapped and weighed down when I make myself aware of all these points -I feel like I'm denying the inevitable and the longer I put it off the more hurt I cause -People around me can literally smell how gay I am -I really desire to have an intimate relationship with a woman -I don't want to feel like a liar anymore -I've never felt anything from kissing a guy, I might aswell be kissing my elbow -I don't want us to grow to resent each other as we grow older -Seeing women smile makes me so happy, seeing men smile feels meh to me.... -I want a woman who I can be my princess -I feel like i'm going crazy in the closet (source: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/80027-straight-relationship-but-i-think-im-gay.html) I edited it a bunch to make it more accurate to me. But all of these things feel right to me. I don't know why I'm still with him though. I want to break it off but he means a lot to me. He and his family have kind of been like a second family to me when my family was falling apart, but he doesn't want to be just friends if we break up. I also consider him to be my only true friend and someone I can always talk to. I'm terribly afraid of being alone again. HELP! What should I do, should I tell him all this or keep trying to make our relationship work? (despite how many times we've fought about girls and stuff)
The girl, I was in a similar-ish situation awhile ago. I know how hard it is! You should talk to him; it's only fair to the both of you. In my experience when I told my ex "boyfriend" the feelings I was having we broke up and now we don't talk. Even though it hurt at first it was liberating to know I could finally be myself. I hope that whatever you choose to do things end up alright. I feel for you.
