I'm a 19-year-old bisexual who has been in a relationship with a male for almost a year. I have been certain of my attractions to both sexes for years and have come out to my mother, my sister, and a few close friends a while ago. I never actively hid my sexuality, but its not really something I talk much about with anyone. It's something that has never come up with my boyfriend, but I keep thinking it is probably something that I should tell him about eventually. I so far have not been able to find a circumstance were it would make sense for me to tell him. I need advice on how to bring it up. As a side note, we have talked a bit about gay rights and he is not homophobic or bi-phobic at all, but I'm not certain how he feels about dating someone who is bi. I doubt he will mind too much, but I know there's a chance he will not be okay with it.
If you plan on having a long relationship with him, then it would only seem fair that you told him sooner rather than later.
My honest opinion is that you can't have a successful relationship if your significant other can't accept you for who you are. But that's just me.
I was in this exact situation! I was dating a girl I really loved and when I finally realized I was bi I realized I had to tell her. She was one of the first few people I came out to. I was so scared I was almost crying. I told her I had something to tell her but couldn't say it so she just started guessing. Eventually she got to "Are you gay?" And I was like"... Half? I'm bi." And kinda had a mini breakdown. You just have to be really honest. I wouldn't be telling this story if it didn't have a happy ending, we cuddled for a bit and I told her about all my fears about us and coming out and then left. At first she was a little concerned that it would change something she told me. But, two days later she came back and said she was okay with it and supported me and still loved me just the same If he isn't homophobic then you just need to tell him. It will be really hard but it will work out since he is open minded. He will probably be concerned that it will change something in the relationship but he will soon realize that you are the exact same person and that you are fully committed to him and everything will be happy. Good luck!
How can one be in a complete relationship with another person for a year and not bring up at any point in that time period their same sex attraction ; whether the attraction is random or focused or whatever? If you were much older than me I might not ask but I am truly sincerely baffled . And in Re reading the post you even had the perfect segue to open up the topic .
I can see the Apprehension, it would be hard coming out to your boyfriend as he may think things are going to change or you might worry things will change.. So I can understand why she hasn't mentioned it to him just yet.. It is the fear.. But I do think it is something he needs to know about if you are looking at staying in a long term committed relationship with him.. Loving someone and accepting someone as they are means accepting everything about that person and loving that person regardless.. You mention he isn't homophobic, so I think just sit down with him and talk about it.. Let him know all your fears and what is going through your mind and he can tell you how he feels.. It might bring you even closer as well.
I think you should be totally honest with him if you do see a future. You shouldn't need something to bring it up and just sit him down and explain that you are bisexual. If he isn't against any of it then I'm sure he will be perfectly fine and will appreciate your honesty. Anyway, would you like to stay with him if he ended up not accepting you for your sexuality? Because he isn't worth it then.
I want to say thank you to everyone who responded to this thread. Reading the responses gave me enough motivation to tell him right away instead of waiting for a good time to bring it up. I told him two days ago and it went pretty well. He told me he was fine with it and later asked a few questions, like if I'd ever had a relationship with a female. He also said he was glad that I trusted him enough to tell him about it and that I can talk to him about it anytime if I want or need to.
I believe the actual person is the best person to decide. Tell him in person if you can... you know he is not homophobic or anything. If you absolutely can't, over the phone. If you absolutely cannot do either of those, text. Don't expect complete acceptance though (1) he may decide that he is uncomfortable with a bisexual girlfriend if he is heterosexual (2) or he may need time to come to terms with it, just like you probably have done. I am a firm believe of honesty is the best policy. In a relationship I defiantly think you need to be honest and open about these things. These are my personal beliefs, and may be wrong though.
