Hey y'all, You guys helped me (as a lurker!) out a couple of years ago, but now I'm going to have to ask, and I'll be really grateful if anyone has any advice! About two years ago I came out to myself. I then spent months swinging between thinking I was gay (and being very happy with it) and thinking I was completely asexual (and hating it, myself, and just about everything not smothered in chocolate). And one thing I couldn't do was come out to anybody until I moved to America for six months as part of my PhD course, and it couldn't have gone better: I discovered my roommmate was gay, met some of his friends, and ended up seeing the most wonderful guy, who I miss...rather a lot. Now I'm back home, I've been trying to come out and make friends in the LGBT community, and that's what I've been finding hard. I've always been more of an introvert than an extrovert, so this is exactly the kind of thing I find difficult anyway. Add to that I still don't always feel all that confident about my sexuality. Whenever I've tried to come out I've always felt a bit like an outsider because there are all these people who all seem to know each other and seem (to me) really confident about themselves and their sexualitues...and I find that really intimidating. And it does my 'Are you really, really, really sure you're gay?' anxieties no good whatsoever. What I feel I really need to be happy is to have a place for me out in the LGBT community, I just keep running into walls whenever I try and find it. All I can think of is just to keep on trying, and that's what I'm going to do, but I'd feel 1,000x less lonely if I knew anyone else had ever felt the same way. Many many gay cuddles for anyone with any advice/help/anything! tldr: how can a slightly intoverted not too confident guy come out to the LGBT community?
Emotes, have you thoughts about why your feeling insecure about being gay? You may to think about that for a bit and come some sort of resolution with yourself first and foremost. That aside, given your self professed introverted nature, have you considered getting involved in an LGBT charitable organisation? Stonewall, Albert Kennedy Trust, Terrance Higgins Trust are just a few organisations where you can meet like minded people in the UK. While I am not too familiar with Sheffield, my guess is there should, be some LGBT venters or social groups up north that you can also get involved with. The UK is a great place to live and be Gay. Be open minded and see what's out there.
You will be ready when youre ready. The right time will come up and you will know when that time is. Don't second guess yourself and beat yourself up.... you are awesome!
I would try going for some sort of gay activity--something where you are doing something other than just standing around being gay together (like a bar or a social). A service or even political organization might work out well. I used to run a local gay book group and I always thought it was a great way for people who might be a little overwhelmed or just less comfortable in a bar setting to get out and meet people--you could after all have your one comment about the book and there you were participating. Or you could have lots to say and mill about and socialize when the group was over. It was fun to see people evolve from the one group to the other. I don't know a lot about your area but my suggestion would be something more structured like that to just meet a few people--in my city there's gay everything (bowling leagues, sports teams, book groups, activist groups, lecture series, potluck groups, dining out groups)--maybe there's something like that where you live. Then once you know a few people going with those people to larger, more intimidating venues becomes much easier. Good luck!
Hey guys, thanks for the advice. It's just kind of fustrating being told to come out and be part of the community, wanting to do that, but never really knowing how and never really feeling like I fit in. I guess I just have to keep on moving. Yeah, quite a lot, and ended up in therapy for a while, but it's never got me anywhere. Thanks
