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Is it a bad idea to come out to anyone?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BearLover, Oct 14, 2014.

  1. BearLover

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    It's OK coming out to people that you think you can trust but for example if you were to come out to any random person that's a bad idea right?

    People here sometimes seem as if they like to boast they are gay, maybe that's a bad thing, I'm not saying being gay is bad but boasting about it to random people and going around acting in a gay way is just asking for trouble.

    Some people are going to be fine with it, some may think it's weird deep down but they're not going to criticize you because they don't want to upset you. I don't really have a problem with gay or bisexual people, but I think that if you're going to come out to anyone chances are your going end up being criticized, you will find people that are going to irrationally critical, they are going to say "Ha! you're gay!" for example. So going around deluding yourself that the whole world isn't going to be bothered about is a bad idea.

    I think you should be comfortable with your sexuality, but don't get too comfortable and don't feel the need to tell everyone out there that you are gay, tell the people that need to know and keep it at that.

    There's a good chance you're going to run into someone homophobic, telling everyone and making out that it isn't a big deal is actually a bad idea, once you meet people that give you trouble because they're homophobic chances are you're going to struggle emotionally, you'll go on a downer and become cynical, you'll hate society and want to see the world burn.

    So giving people advice here to come out to everyone is a bad idea, tell people that need to know and leave it at that surely. I'm not coming out to my mum because I don't need to until I actually have a boyfriend, she doesn't need to know and plus I know she'll tell her friends, she's got a loud mouth and tells everyone everything, tells me when my sister was pregnant even though my sister wanted to keep it a secret etc. I wouldn't mind her knowing is she didn't tell everyone but she'll tell her horrible friends that come over her place.

    I know many people won't be happy with it, many people fall out with me anyway over stupid little things despite how much I try to get on with people. I have this personality flaw that I think I can reason with people to why it's not wrong to be gay/bi and why it doesn't do any harm. These people are irrationalists, they are so hard to talk to and reason with, there's no point even going there with them. They'll say being gay is wrong and I'll ask why, they'll say "because it is.", very irrational. I mean I fall out with many people because I think I can reason with them but actually I can't, we're very intelligent in the west but we're anti-intellectual and anti-wise. People just have a problem with gay guys for no reason whatsoever.
     
  2. LD579

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    None of us here should really tell anyone who to come out to, to a degree, because it's very personal and it's up to the member's discretion and unique life circumstances. But coming out to oneself is incredibly important, and coming out to everyone is not a bad thing either. After a certain point, it's not even that important when you can tell people as it's just a fact and part of you, as height and occupation are. That's not to say that there isn't stigmatization or discrimination about sexuality, but it won't always have a huge effect on our self confidence, and it really depends on where you live and where you are in life. Plenty of people, like myself, are out to most or all people and yes, we'll encounter resistance, but it doesn't mean we'll go on a downward spiral from which there's no escape.
     
  3. LostLion

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    I came out as bisexual/gay-leaning bisexual to some of my fraternity brothers and I really trust them and we are still really close. I still make sexual innuendo (straight and gay) and it's not weird or anything for them.

    I only come out to people I trust, not only because I'm not out to most people and fear backlash, but also because I keep my personal life extremely private. I don't think everyone needs to know personal details about my life
     
  4. OnTheHighway

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    I could not agree with this point more. There are so many reasons for people to be critical of one another. Sexuality is just another one on the list. After close personal relationships, the personal need or desire to come out certainly may be less important. And while I am not suggesting any need to come out to everyone you meet, circumstances may typically dictate if and whom might need to know.
     
  5. Blossom85

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    My feeling has always been to come out to whomever you feel comfortable on doing so too. We can advice and give support, but in the end.. It really is up to the individual to come out to the people they are most comfortable in coming out to.
     
  6. OGS

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    I am pretty much out to everyone--have been for over 20 years. I mean I don't go around announcing it but I don't hide it either and, as I've been with my partner for 17 years, it comes up quite frequently in casual conversation. Pretty much everyone in my life, even most casual acquaintances, know. In my experience people tend to rise (or fall) to your expectations. With the exception of the first week of coming out way back when (which was agonizing and awful) I have always just assumed people would take it in stride--and they pretty much always have. I'm sure there have been a few people out there who quietly think worse of me for it--but you know what? as long as they don't do or say something I really don't think it's any of my business what people think about me. And I can honestly and confidently say that over the years knowing that I was gay has done a great deal more to change how the people around me feel about gay people than to change how people feel about me.