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Should I just not say?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Gremlin, Oct 14, 2014.

  1. Gremlin

    Regular Member

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    Okay so basically I met this girl who is super cool and also happens to be gay, she told me in like the first 20mins of knowing her. Well, she assumed I was straight right from the start and well, I didn't correct her because I haven't really told a lot of people and I didn't know if I would ever see her again. But we have been hanging out the past few weeks and I still haven't corrected her, I just feel a little weird about it now. I haven't ever told someone who is gay that I am also gay, I don't know why it just feels different. When she told me the first time I wanted to be like ditto :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:, but I just couldn't say it.
    Last week we went to an event and a bunch of her friends came most of which were gay and now they all think I'm straight, it just seems that it has snowballed. I just don't know what to do at this point. I know it should be like telling anyone else, but for some reason it is different in my head. I'm also not sure if I want to tell her yet, just because no one at my university knows. But she keeps asking me what "type" of guys I like or who it my celebrity crush, and I just shrug it off and try to change the subject because I don't want to lie and I actually gave a female for my celebrity crush haha but still she thinks I am straight. It is just hard not to say anything when stuff like that comes up, but at the same time I just want to be silent. I don't know if anyone else has ever felt like this, but any advice on what you think I should do from here would be much appreciated.
     
  2. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi there! Coming out to others, whether we know them well, or are still getting to know is always hard. Coming out will always entail some need of letting go, and tearing down another piece of the wall that has protected you. It is quite normal to have the feelings you are having about this. Given that you are still coming out, it's possible that a part of you, and based on what you have learned about her so far, is not trusting her fully at this point. Being able to trust her, is probably something you are still looking for.

    From what you have described it sounds as if she is quite open, and pretty comfortable with everyone around her knowing. In some respects, you have answered the question 'am I comfortable with people around me knowing at this point?' already.

    Follow your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, or you feel some hesitation give it a bit more time.

    If shrugging it off, and changing the subject has helped, I'd suggest to keep doing that until you feel ready. You could also just say that you are not interested in talking about guys or dating guys, as you are quite contend with the way things are at the moment. :slight_smile:
     
  3. OnTheHighway

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    I agree with Mirko, be comfortable first. She has gone through the process of coming out as well, so she certainly understands why it entails. If you do reach that level of comfort, my guess is she, and your other gay friends, would understand.
     
  4. RainbowSocks

    Regular Member

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    "What kind of guys do you like?"

    "The kind with boobs."

    Done. When you're ready of course :slight_smile:
     
  5. jay777

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    Well would it be a possibility if at some point you would say you have given it a lot of thought and you like girls ?
     
  6. Really

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    "The same as you, actually."