There is a girl on my team who I have been friends with for a while. During Junior High we had lunch together one year, we had a few classes together several years, and later joined the same sports teams. In High school we both play on the same sports teams still. We sometimes talk about some of our problems (like this club that rejected us both). I would say we are good friends. She had used gay to mean "stupid" on several occasions (which I think is just one of those things picked up from society). On several occasions she made supportive comments. She said how dumb it was only X number of states allowed gay marriage. And (behind their back) she also talking about how she disagreed with our homophobic teammate. On twitter one day I had said a sad message about wishing I could be who I was. Like, a few weeks later, I got the nicest message from her (that I will not be posting because it feels like something special and personal between the two of us). At the end of it she said she would be there for me if I ever needed anything. I was playing with the idea of coming out to her. I think she would react well. I am pretty sure our friendship would be able to survive it if anything went bad. However, I don't really know how to start this conversation or how to do it. Can someone offer a bit of advice? Thanks
It depends how comfortable you are with each other I think. For me, coming out to my best friend was a HUGE thing. I built it up so much. (and it was my first coming out) When i had finally told her after hours of putting it off and lots of panic attacks all i got back was 'ok, cool. I'm here if you wana chat' So anti-climactic. Possibly just say 'can I talk to you about something' Or if, like me, you're too terrified, try and steer the conversation towards crushes and things like that. You can probably just let her talk about her crushes and give your opinion on her crushes and it could come about that way. Subtle and no drama. 'I like Jack' 'Oh no really?! I don't think he's that nice.' 'Well you wouldn't you're a boy' '....why does that make a difference?' You know. Something that you could last minute back out off if you feel she's going to have a negative reaction 'What so you're gay?' 'well no but i'm saying some people are, so saying a boy doesn't make sense' etc etc blah blah blah. Obviously don't script what you're gonna say. But have confidence and you'll breeze it.
Thanks If a good time when it's just the two of us happens, I think I will try to direct the conversation to the crush thing. Thanks again
She is a very supportive friend. I have not come out to her yet. I haven't had a good chance where it was just the two of us. There was always another team member around. I'm hoping maybe next weekend. That's when we do our longest run of the week and usually we are running buddies during. Although, another girl has started running along side us recently, so I don't know. Maybe I will still do it if the other girl is around. She has shown to be supportive of LGBTQ rights too.
You should try telling a guy friend, it helps to address some of the anxiety of coming out Haha I talk about my favorite guy actors and will totally complement guys on how they look XD You could always try doing that, it makes you feel a little better not hiding what you think.
I think it is good when you know that someone will be accepting of you.. I think just trust your instincts, it sounds like she will be supportive of you so when you are ready, I think go for it.
Thanks everyone I plan on telling her when I get a chance. I'll just casually find a way to shift the conversation in that direction. I actually have told a guy friend or two. None of them are on my Cross Country team though. I might consider telling one or two of them. I'll have to observe them and figure out how they would react. As for expressing my thoughts, I may start doing that. In fact, I have slipped up once or twice around a few teammates. Oops. :lol:
I'm glad to hear that! How did she react? And I'll just say this situation reminds me so much of mine. I'm on a XC team with a guy friend who I've been friends with since middle school. He's told me he's bi, but I think he might be trans as well. I don't know if I can come out to him about my own trans-ness and sexuality. I'm dreading it.
She simply asked if I liked any guys. After talking about that for a little bit we started talking about homework. You're right that we do have very similar situations. My experience from this has reinforced my belief that strong bonds form between teammates. (That was the motivation I used.) Now I don't know the specifics of the friendship you two share. However, I do think that, being bi, your friend would probably be open minded and accepting. He could probably even relate to how your feeling now. If he truly is your friend, he will accept you for who you are. My advice if you decide to come out to him: 1. Find a time when you two are semi alone. 2. Do it in a neutral location. (That way if one of your is uncomfortable of needs a minute, you can take it) My plan was to tell my friend on our long run. Usually around mile 3 everyone starts separating into groups of different speeds. I planned on telling her when it was the two of us running together. That accomplished us being alone and it would be at a pretty neutral location where either of us could of fallen back or sped up for a minute if needed. Maybe you could something similar? I should say I didn't end up telling her like that. I did so over text message because I was having a bad night and needed someone to talk to, and I couldn't wait until our weekend long run. That method worked well. I would rather of done it in person though but that's just my personal preference. Remember, no one is making you come out. Only do so when you are ready and above all, make sure you're in a safe position to do so. Good luck Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. I'll do my best to help and listen.
