Okay, most of this is going to be whiny ranting and angsty venting. You have been warned. I've just recently (and I mean JUST recently) noticed my attraction to girls. I still feel 'straight' though, being that this is still rather recent. I've been perfectly content with being straight, and never had budding homosexuality issues from living in denial. Now issues are arising because I'm getting near uncontrollable urges, and I'm in a deeply committed relationship with my boyfriend. (As in, plans to get a house get married have kids and live happily ever after blah blah blah) I'm in a situation where I can't tell him. And I can't let it get around to him in any way, because I'm positive he won't be supportive about it. Or rather, he'll be TOO supportive about it. 'You like girls now?! Cool! Do you think that girl is hot? Wanna get some lesbian porn? Maybe a threesome with another girl?' And I know he won't ever let it go. EVER. He'll always be making some joke, or some suggestion, or some comment. It won't matter if I talk to him seriously about it, he'll still do it and then tell me I'm being uptight if I snap at him for the comments. It's sad because if it were any other problem, he'd be such a sweetheart and totally supportive about it... I'm seriously hoping it goes away. That sounds so wrong, but I am. Keep in mind, I'm not a homophobic. I've been an avid supporter for homosexual rights for years now, and have lots of gay/bi friends. I'm just... really hoping it's just hormonal curiosity because I'm at the 'college experiment' age. I'm also way frustrated because I'm supposed to be 'the straight one'. I've got two best friends, one being bi and the other being a lesbian. There was balance before! Now it's all gone out of whack because I'm so confused about these feelings. I can't tell them about it either because they're friends with my boyfriend too, plus I'm developing a massive crush on one friend... Again, hoping it all just goes away. It's so pathetic, but I am. Anyway, I'm not really looking for advice. I just need someplace to vent and complain. I'm sorry if anything I've said offends anyone, it's certainly not my intent. Thanks for listening.
For only just learning that you're attracted to the same sex, these feelings are totally normal. I was in denial/fighting it for about a year and a half, and I too developed a crush on a couple of my male friends. It really is a tough, confusing time, but the thing is, you really can't decide what you're attracted to. You can do your best to ignore it or channel it out, but it will always be there, and kind of creep up on you sometimes. I know you're not looking for advice, but really, coming out to someone is a great way to feel more comfortable with yourself. Now granted, it may be a bit early for you, but it's something to keep in mind ^^ I've heard people say that it's much easier to come out to gay friends, so as long as you can swear them to secrecy somehow, that looks like a pretty good option for you Regardless of what you do, I wish you only the best of luck! We're here, if you need us!
Yeah. It's funny that the people who may be the most receptive (or accepting) are the people that you don't want to talk to. I have some friends who I know would be cool with it (they're friends with some gay people) but I also know that they would tease me about it as well. I'm not at the point where I want someone joking to me about going to gay strip clubs (even though they do joke about that now, it's different because they think I am straight) or how hot some guy is. I've recently had the same hopes that it will just go away. I try not to whine about it, because I know other people have it rough, but I just don't want to have to deal with this. I know it's a bad thing to say, but it's how I feel. I can't do much more but offer some empathy. This place (with my limited time here) seems like a good place to talk about things. As an aside, I've found that coming out to some people doesn't necessarily do the trick. It's good that it forces you to deal with it and mostly say to yourself 'Ok, I acknowledge this about me' but other than that it doesn't help things become any more clear. Anyway, hopefully knowing that others are in the same situation will help a bit.
Telling the one person who knows that I am...well, not straight...haven't really figured that one out myself yet :dry: ...Kind of helped me be more ecomfortable with who I am. I definatly found it easier to tell her, simply because, being bi herself, she was guaranteed the be accepting. You are fortunate that your two best friends are guaranted to be supportive of you. On the otherhand, it seems like you need to figure out who you are first. Otherwise, there is no way that you can be comfortable telling someone else. Like Steam Giant said, that can take a long time. I know that it took me several years. I hope that whatever you chose to do, it works out well for you. Good luck!
