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Need help with coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Theonesthatfear, Oct 17, 2014.

  1. Theonesthatfear

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    i'm gay and this is my last year in high school. when i first realized i was gay i wanted to come out, i thought it would be quick and a lot of people will support me, but in reality i have friends but none of them are really close to me and so i'm scared that if i come out i won't have that one person who would support me.

    i wanted to talk to the counsellor but I'm scared I'm going to be the talk of the school. my school isn't very big and gossips spread fast too. i don't know who i should come out to and i don't want to come out to my parents yet.

    This is my last year and i want real friends who would support me in the future( since I'm studying abroad) , if i don't come out this year then i would be lying to my friends and also i won't know who would really stay. I really don't want to hide it anymore but every time i try to come out i get really scared. What should i do?:tears:
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    You could 'test the water' first. If you hear of a well known person coming out you could mention it in a conversation and see how your friends react. Try to find a way of raising the subject of same sex relationships without coming out yourself and if all goes well and they seem positive you can decide to take it from there. Is that something you could do?
     
  3. VanityInSanity

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    I think almost everyone one here can relate to the fear of coming out, the fear of being rejected and the fear of being completely alone. It's pretty normal for us to feel like that and there's really nothing we can do against it. But you know what, eventually this fear will turn into a strength or a advantage to you. Knowing fear is a part of our journey in life, and you've just started a huge part of it.

    I can relate to you completely with having friends but no REAL friends. They think they know me, but the reality is...they don't know sh*t. But the problem was that whenever they did ask things about me, I either lied or avoided the question. So the reality was that I might have been scared of opening up and trusting people.
    Eventually I felt more and more alone, and in the end I've become so depressed.
    I started failing at school and became more withdrawn from my so called "friends". But even though I felt like sh*t and dragged myself through every day, there was always something pushing me on and telling me to keep going. I think it might have been my longing for true friendship and fear of a never changing life. I eventually went to my school nurse and poured my heart out (but I did not mention being gay). No one even knows I went there, and I'm sure the school nurse have the duty of being quiet. And if someone does see me and asks me about it, I'd just lie...like I've done all my life!
    Since then I've been in therapy and it has almost been a year and a half now. I can't really tell you what we've been talking about, but I can promise you that it does make a big difference. Having someone listen to you, arguing with you and advising you feels so much better and relieve some of the fear or stress you have inside yourself.

    What I'm trying to get to is that you really should try to contact the school nurse or a counselor if you feel it's needed. They won't judge you and they definitely won't start gossiping what you've said to them. But if you feel like you can't trust them, or aren't that much in need of help... then perhaps you only need to... wait.
    There's really no need for you to come out now. Everyone comes out at different part of their lives, and high school is just one of them. Perhaps it would be better to come out to new people whom you share a interest with or those that are more mature. That's what college/university are for. In most universities there's also a LGBT support group which you could join if you decide to. There's just so many more possibilities in life to come out, don't limit yourself to only high school. You're life hasn't even started!
     
  4. sleepwalking

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    I feel you. This is my last year of High School and I feel like I should tell somebody, I just don't have any idea how to bring it up in conversation. I know my friends are very supportive of the LGBT community, but I'm still petrified to just come out and say the words I'm Gay
     
  5. BRBT

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    There might be a gay-straight alliance or something. You decide, if you are likely to not know them after school, it is unnecassery stress telli g them? Hope this helps :slight_smile:
     
  6. Confused Teen18

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    I agree with Patrick. I'm still closeted and i find myself not wanting to have any fake friends so i waited until the moment presented itself then i told two friends.

    The others i had before, i just dropped them since they were rude enough to either ask for a threesome or argue that it was wrong of me.

    I do feel lonely at times, but i've told myself that things will be better...SO i simply live on and make use of the two i have.

    Good Luck :slight_smile:
     
  7. Theonesthatfear

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    Well the thing is my closest friends aren't supportive at all, i mean they sometimes use the word gay as an insult and it annoys me so much and every time i bring up the topic, they just ignore it. I heard one say that they don't mind having a gay friend but he talks ad if that person is an outsider

    A lot of things changed this year, This year was actually the year i realized i was gay and so after finding out this, i wanted friends who would support me and so i made new friends and lost some. the thing is i lost my best friend this year, because he uses the word gay as an insult and i get really annoyed so we end up arguing a lot and just drifted apart. Now i have no close friends but theres this group of people who i really want to come out to but we're not that close so i don't know if i should come out or not
     
  8. Theonesthatfear

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    Also it would be unnecessary to just come out to friends, but when you really want to talk to a friend about something such as your gay crush, it becomes something that is not normal anymore, as they might not be supportive and so after an extended period of time instead, you have these feelings and thought that you want to talk about so bad, but scared to talk to anyone about it.

    And this really hurts because you're hiding your feelings and constantly having to lie your friends, and turns out in the end. no one knows you and you become this guy, who is so secretive and never talks about yourself and i hate that, i hate it so much, because before i never had to hide, never had to fear that saying anything about my feelings was bad whatsoever, but when it comes to sexuality, i get so nervous and i just cut out everyone and i want to change that.
     
  9. VanityInSanity

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    As I said in my previous post, I really don't think it's the right time and place for you to come out right now. At least not how I see it. but it's your choice.

    I may be able to understand your situation and problems, but I just can't understand your feelings about coming out now. True friends who will support you will come eventually, but if you keep deperately searching for them...be prepared for a lot of disappointment before you actually find them.

    Finding a LGBT support group would perhaps be better. You'll meet new friends whom share the same feelings and problems as you, and you can freely open up since there's no need for you to hide your sexuality there. You might even make a new best friend there, or even "the special one".
     
    #9 VanityInSanity, Oct 24, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2014