So this summer has been really great this year, I came out to about 8 friends, and my mom. All of my friends are ok with it and are happy that I am finally coming to terms with it (although I've known since I was like 10 :lol But my mom still thinks I'm straight and that just because I'm 16, my sexuality will change and it's just a phase. I'm trying to explain to her that I've always had these feelings and she says no and that I flirt with girls. But anymore, I really want to come out. I hate that I have to keep pretending to be into girls with my dad and like tennis teammates (Long story short, I bought a Beyoncé calendar and I had to convince them that I bought it just for her ass :roflmao. Like I really want to have an actual relationship with a guy and try to be happy and enjoy my youth, rather than waste away the years because of the people here. The only problem is my dad is homophobic and all my family uses gay slurs (Although my mom stopped and now yells at my dad whenever he does.) I don't know how to approach this situation though. If anyone could help me and give me advice I would love it. My friend said she was looking around for gay guys in my area (although I have found none through any dating apps (hot or not, etc)). I just really want to have my first kiss and be happy and enjoy life rather than let each day of potential happiness waste away like dust. Sorry for such a long rant btw! I'm just extremely frustrated anymore and I just want to be happy ya know? Please help me :icon_sad:
I think it is wonderful you think you feel ready to come out to everyone.. There are a lot of different ways to do it.. I can tell you are quite worried about your Dad's reaction to you being gay.. I think if you still would like to come out to him and you feel you can't do it by speaking to him.. Maybe write him a letter, there have been a lot of people come out this way on this forum. Writing allows you to express yourself a little better and allows you to say everything you want to say instead of being asked questions where you need to stop and think or getting cut off in the middle of talking. Just make sure you know that you are ready.. Are you worried he might kick you out or do anything that might be harmful if he knows? Cause that is something you should consider as well.. Maybe talk to your mum about it a little more and let her know you are thinking of coming out fully or at least to your Dad.. She might realize you are a little more serious about you being gay if you are prepared to come out to your Dad.m
When I was 14, my parents thought I might have been gay and he asked me one day but I said no cause I was worried. I always like to think about how my life could have been different if I did. But I think the letter is a great idea! Yeah I worry he might kick me out or be physical because he's a very violent (verbally and sometimes physically) person. I've tried talking to my mom and told her it's not a phase and I've known for years but she insists that I won't know my sexuality fully until I'm 24 (idk how she got that number)
I hope he isn't violent or kicks you out, maybe that is something you need to think about as well, if you are sure you want to put yourself in that situation where you could be kicked out or hurt. It is something that I just think needs consideration as well, however I think just be sure when you do feel you want to let him know.. You will know for sure, I know I did, it was just a feeling I felt when I knew I wanted and needed my mum to know. I think the letter idea is ideal in your situation cause like I said, it gives you time to prepare and think of what you want to say and what you need to say. I always find it a little strange that people especially parents say you aren't old enough to know for sure till you are an adult. I would ask, when did you know you were straight and why do you think that is not too young to know for sure. I think it is just a parents way of being in denial though, by saying it is just a phase and eventually you will be 'straight'. Your parents also have to through the whole process of acceptance as well, so just something to be aware of as well.. Your mum probably wants to understand you, but she just doesn't know how to relate cause she doesn't think the same way you do. If you want to write something down, you can always post it here as well if you want opinions and people's thoughts on what we think if it.. Usually though if it comes from the heart, then it is perfect.
If your mom knows, but says you will not know for sure until your are 24, and you are expressing concern raegarding your father about violence and the potential of being kicked out, have you considered that your mom might actually believe you but she has your own interests at heart and is simply protecting you, as a mothers instinct should otherwise do?
Wait until you have you own home, and good friends that can help you if you get a bad reaction. Speculate about all the different option and choose the best. Eventually, come out, I recommend over the phone. That way you cannot be physically injured or verbally abused, all you have to do is hang up. Just make sure you are safe. You are the best to decide. ---------- Post added 20th Oct 2014 at 08:38 PM ---------- Your Mum however seems fi e with it, and may be hoping for it to change so there are no issues with family. Im sorry to be honest but it isn't realistic.
