Still really hard!!

I am so happy that you were able to come out to the ones you have to already If it was me and somebody asked me if I had a gf I would honestly say no I don't thanks for asking and then change the subject . lol I don't know what to tell you I wish I could help .But good luck !!

 

I wish I could help but I'm having the same issue. The closest I've come to telling someone new is saying "no not in this lifetime" when they asked if I had a bf. Closer than just my usual "no" but still not quite there. I wish I had some advice, but I figured I could at least pop in and say good luck with your friend. Even if it does come out more awkwardly than you'd like, at least it'll all be out in the open.

 

Just take your time and just let yourself feel proud of the fact you have come out to certain people already.. Being scared someone is gonna judge us is a big motivator for not just saying it.. But in reality.. If they aren't accepting, you are best off knowing cause you don't want someone un-accepting of who you are in your life.

 

As Blossom said, take your time. As your get more comfortable, it does get easier, regardless of how much time it takes you. I also a proponent of knowing if someone is accepting, because those are the people I am wiling to invest my time with.

If someone asks me a question that warrants a response, I am open about it. If I am meeting someone new and there is not a specific question that should warrent such a response, then I am not proactively saying anything. Most people I do meet professionally, I do assume already know as I work in a pretty tight industry, so I would talk about my partner and I without any hesitation.

 

This happens when you are constantly trying to assess how someone might respond. If their tone of voice or general demeanour gives you a certain vibe, saying the words to them is like trying to eat coal. There is an inner voice saying NO.. this will not do you any good. The reality is often quite different, but it feels like you are taking a leap of faith and just hoping for a positive reaction and that's bloody scary. When everything else in life is ordered and assessed it seems so contrary to just take a chance [with our feelings] so we end up playing safe. Of course, we try not to lie, so we dodge the questions instead and then beat ourselves up for it later. Can you guess that I've been there too LiquidSwords?

What did it for me was the realisation that people can't be read from tone of voice or comments on an unrelated subject. People are not that easy to read. Just because someone is a manly man, doesn't mean he will hold a shed load of prejudice. In the same way a softly spoken, genteel woman could be the most ignorant and bigoted bitch walking. The silly assumptions I was making about people defied logic.

I'd come out to the important people in my life and they gave me (with a few exceptions) love and support. If a new acquaintance reacted badly, so what? It's not like I had anything to lose as there was no ongoing relationship to sacrifice.

Sometimes you have to take a step back and really question what's happening when your voice seems paralysed. You strike me as a intelligent guy and I think you are capable of understanding what's going on here. What exactly is it that's silencing you? I think you can work it out.

The final thing I would observe about you is a personal characteristic. Obviously, I don't know you like a close friend, but I have worked out from your profile and comments on the forum that you are not risk averse. You have hobbies and interests that require a bit of metal and determination. Apply all of that to the coming out process and you will be fine.

I know you can do it.

 

At least you told a few people, well done! I still can't manage to tell people, I just started a new course in College aswell, and like you when I am talking to new people and they say "have you got a gf" I just really want to say "No Im gay" but instead I get all awkward, go slightly red and change the subject as quick as I can, really annoying!

The other thing is my friends/family will be genuinely surprised when I tell them Im gay as like you I don't "fit the stereotype" so I don't have a clue how i am eventually going to do it……so basically I have no advice at all but just to let you know you are doing a bit better then me so at least thats something :L

 

Sorry when I read the title I thought of something entirely different LMAO... I have a dirty mind...

Yeah, like others have said, atleast you have told afew people, I have only told 4 people, so good on you .

 

When they ask you if you have a girlfriend, just laugh and tell them "No, but I have a really cool boyfriend." like it is just a big joke that they made the wrong assumption. If you laugh like it is no big deal to you that you are gay, they probably will too.

 

The MORE you keep it the MORE painfull it is. Look around the real danger is gone. Oh try looking femine so it wont look like a bomb just throw something from your mouth like ''my boyfriend'' blahh it's EASY. Good luck sweetheart (*hug*) .

 

This probably will be the opposite of what most people say, but I think you should act like you would with someone who knows you're gay. If you don't make a big deal of it, they probably won't. (My lesbian friend basically came out to me like that. She told everyone who was close to her, and just let the others work it out) Hope it works out for you xx