hey guys, I'd love your insight on this one. So, I was at my friend's 18th last night, and was focusing on getting pretty drunk. While doing this, I was talking to one of my friends who I hadn't seen for a couple of months. Now, I always thought there might be a possibility that this friend might know about my gayness as I had previously slipped up with pronouns when talking to her about a crush, but I had corrected myself, and she had never mentioned it, so I thought that either she didn't notice or she had forgotten about it. Anyway, around my fourth beer, we both started talking about what we liked in bed/generally, you know, drunk girl talk. She was talking about how she liked it when guys touched her back, so I started talking about this one girl who had drunkenly 'cuddled' me one night and was stroking my stomach. Being v. v. tipsy, I fucked up again on the pronouns, but this time she definitely noticed and gave me a funny look. Suddenly, she said 'Hey Wren, can I ask you a question? Not here. I don't mind what the answer is, I just want to ask you something.' Now, even my drunk ass could recognise what she was going to ask me, and I made an excuse and got out of there. However, later on, I made a decision I was going to face what she was going to ask me, but not before I got royally fucked so I wouldn't chicken out. I drank a ridiculous amount, and when she found me later, I was so drunk I followed her into a dark part of the garden, where she slurred out 'Hey, hey...I just wanted to ask you...are you gay?' Suddenly, I went into full panic mode, and just kept telling her how it wasn't okay, and that I wish I wasn't, that I couldn't be, that she couldn't tell anyone, and she kept trying to comfort me, but I ended up just walking off and immediately downing some vodka shots, before puking and then letting another friend put me to bed (embarrassing enough, i think). The next morning, neither of us mentioned it, but she kept glancing at me, and obviously remembered the whole thing. Worse, I borrowed her phone to get in touch with my parents, and she actually drunk texted one of her friends about the whole thing! Luckily, I don't know them, but I was still pretty upset, though I didn't show it or let her know I'd seen it. So, I'm not sure if we should talk about it. Should I message her about it? I could say that I was really drunk and I don't remember it, but I'm kind of sick of lying to people. I just feel like I've left a loose end here, and I don't want her to talk about it to anyone else until I'm ready to bring it up myself. What do you guys think? TL;DR: I got drunk and my gay was showing. Wat do?
You should tell her. Message her to make it easier if it's too hard to say it in person. I think it'll get a lot of weight off your chest.
Never go back. If you are sick of lying to people what will it achieve to say it was a moment of drunkenness? You will just end up spinning another lie with even more regret. Message her if it feels like you have left a loose end and ask her to keep it to herself. She sounds like she is fairly cool about you being gay and if she is any sort of friend she will respect your wish and keep schtum.
Thanks guys, you help me make sense of all this bs. I think you guys are right about not going back. I said it, now I have to deal with it. I'm sick of lying, and I'm sick of pretending to be something I'm not. I'm still not sure if I'm brave enough to address it directly with her, but I'm not going to deny it anymore. It's a waste of time on all accounts. Ugh, I wish I could just girl up. Meanwhile, I am (finally) going to attempt to attend a GSA meeting tomorrow. Maybe that will help me sort out my own feelings about all of this and try and accept what I can't change.
