Hi EC! So I have a cousin who lives in Florida and is gay. He's never actually came out to the family but I was friends with him on facebook when I had one and he often posted pictures and such with his boyfriend and always specified that's who he was. I really want to come out to him because I trust him and think it would be a good first person to come out to but I don't want him to feel like he has to officially out himself to me because that's no fun being forced to do that. So my question is, is there anyway to go about this? We really don't see each other much besides Christmas and he would probably find it weird if I was talking to him about something so serious if I didn't know he was gay. I just really want to tell someone I know in real life because it's kind of really getting to me. Thanks!
hi purplecats! sounds like he already outed himself to you if he had you as a friend on a fb account where he openly told people he had a boyfriend. i'm sure it couldn't be held against you to assume that he's gay and he does sound like a good person to talk to! weigh up the pros and cons and look at what the worst case scenario would be - if you trust him not to tell anyone even if he finds it weird that you're talking to him then maybe you should go for it in any case you can talk to us about it! ^^ all the best!
I think as well as the other comments, I'd have to say I think that he'd feel pretty good that you trusted HIM with it. Rooting for you!
It sounds to me from what you've said that he is out and the idea that he would now have to "out himself" to you would never even occur to him. The thing is when you are first coming out you picture a series of sitting people down and having difficult conversations where you tell them you are gay. And there are some of those--and they can be very difficult. But for the most part it's a matter of just being open and letting people know and then being alright with the fact that they know. I've been out for over twenty years. Just about everyone I know knows--you only don't know if we've never discussed anything as personal as "this great place my partner and I went to dinner last night." Even though everyone knows I literally have only had a handful of conversations where I sat down and told someone I was gay. Doesn't mean at all that I would be shocked to find that anyone else knew--I know everyone else knows. If he's posting pictures of himself with his boyfriend and labeling them as such on a Facebook account where cousins he only sees on Christmas are friended my guess is he's in a situation somewhat similar to my own. I would just be upfront--I saw on Facebook that you are gay and so I thought you might understand what I'm going through and need someone to talk to. My guess is that the "outing" issue wouldn't enter his mind any more than if you said hey I saw on Facebook that you like film noir...
