My parents divorced when I was 13. I'm 23. My mom recently blurted out that the reason she and dad divorced was because he is gay. I have no siblings. The pressure to "be a man" and "continue the bloodline" is overwhelming. I have no relationship with anyone in my family that I feel comfortable talking to about this. Dad doesn't know that I know, and mom already feels like a "failure" as a woman and has told me that her deepest fear is that I would turn out to be gay. She's been turning the heat up recently asking me why I don't have a girlfriend and why I evade the topic of marriage. I don't know how to tell her because I'll break her heart. Is there anyone out there who can give me any kind of productive advice for this? I'm really hurting over this.
I'm assuming you're gay as well, even though you didn't say so. Read the novel "The Lost Language of Cranes", there's also a movie of it on Youtube but it's not as good as the book (surprise surprise). It's a good story and you might find some similarities and/or understanding in it. It sounds like you've got a lot of pressure on you, that sucks. If there's anyone in your family that you can talk to, why not your Dad? he would have a pretty good idea about what you're going through. What is bloodline anyway? Is it really that important in this day and age? There's a lot of different definitions of what "being a man" means in 2014 as well. You only have to turn on the TV to see them.
I don't know what advice to give you in this situation because i truly understand where you are coming from. All i can is, I hope it gets better and we're all here to support you if you need it. Take Care. Good Luck.
Sorry that this is happening to you ,I my opinion it sounds like your mom is just trying to make you feel guilty because your dad has left her and said that he is gay and this has nothing to do with you at all ! No matter what she says it is not your fault case closed . Just because you don't have a girlfriend right now is OK you will decide who you want to be with and when you want to do this when ever you are good and ready to ! So don't try to rush into anything please just take your time although if it was me I would try to talk to her and say something like this . Mom I am sorry dad left you its not my fault I love you and I always will no matter what but you can t rush me into finding somebody to be with I want to do this on my own and at my own speed . I know you are just trying to do whats best for me but I have to do this ! Also it makes no difference if I am straight or gay I may never have kids to carry on the "blood line " I have to make that decision when the time is right . So please let me live my life and make my own mistakes . But this is my thoughts I wish you all the best of luck
Neither you nor your mom have any choice about whether you are gay. You have the choice to live your life as you are, or hide it until she dies, which will likely be towards the end of your life, causing you to waste most of your own life putting on a show for her, instead of finding someone to share your life with. Maybe it will help her move on if she sees you in a committed relationship with someone who cares for you, as well as help her understand what your father has gone through, but in any event, you are not responsible for her happiness, nor for helping her keep you in misery. My suggestion for you to consider is to come out to your dad, not your mom, and seek his help and support in eventually coming out to her. He certainly knows the pressure you are under and will likely come out to you when you come out to him, to help get rid of all these unnecessary family "secrets" that aren't really secrets.
