A couple of week ago, maybe about a month, I posted a thread titled "My Mom is Weird" which was basically about not knowing how to come out to my parents and/or best friend. I got a lot of helpful replies, but honestly don't think I'm ready to come out to my family. However, recently I have been noticing how many of my close friends are gay/ bisexual. I have a really close friend, who I have a major crush on and who I think likes me back- I found out she's bi yesterday. Ideally, I'd like to start something with her, but I can't if I'm not out of the closet. I've read a lot about people who come out at school but not at home, which sounds like the best possible choice for me, but I have no idea how to pull that off. Also, my best friend is strongly adverse to lying and lies of omission, but I don't want her to tell my family or hers, and if I'm out I can't really hide it from her. I am having a really hard time in life, and am desperately in need of advise, please help.
A respectable gay or bisexual individual will know how tough it is coming out, and shouldn't be offended that you're "lying" (not really) about being straight. Outing someone is a horrible thing and unless she's a terrible person, I doubt she would do that to you. With that said, some gay people will not date someone who is not out - I can understand that sometimes, because if one person is out and the other is not, it can create a rift in the relationship and make the person that's out feel like they're being pushed back in the closet again because of their significant other's preferences. Be prepared if she says no because of that, and respect it like you would want her to respect your decision on staying in the closet.
On the topic about dating someone who is not out, my man isn't out ,as he lives in quite a rough area that's not very gay friendly, and I've managed to establish a relationship with him. It isn't easy, I won't lie, he can be paranoid when were in public, not because he's ashamed of being seen with me, but because he doesn't want people to know about him. Besides, he makes up for it in private Anyway the point is, if you want to try for a relationship whilst not out, it is possible and some people are fine with it (if they feel it's worth the effort), but remember everyone is different and she might not be so keen on that. Also, pretty much all gay/bi people would never out someone, it's not cool. So I would bet she wouldn't out you even if she is against lying. We've all been through it, and we all know what it's like :icon_bigg Hope this helps (*hug*)
Ok so, the way I see it, you have three issues. :icon_wink Your close Bi friend, who you have a crush on, should understand if you're not ready to come out to everyone straight away. She's no doubt been through it herself and knows how tough it is. I don't think she'd shout it from the rooftops if you came out to her first and explained you're not ready for anyone else to know just yet. Easier said than done though, I know. About the coming out at school/home thing, I've also heard that some kids find it easier to come out at school first, rather than at home. If you have lots of friends who have come out as gay or bisexual then I'm sure you'd be fine too. It looks like they've been accepted, so I'm sure you would be equally as accepted! Is your main worry that it would get back to your family? Because that's a tough one. It really depends on how much contact your family has with the people you'd tell. One thing that might help you explain it to your best friend is to say you weren't lying, but that you were still figuring out your sexuality. I think it just takes a quick look around these boards will show you that getting comfortable with yourself takes time! Hopefully she will understand that. As far as her telling her family, and yours, you know her better than we do, if she's such a good friend she should understand the trust you've placed in her. I sympathize, and trust me you're not the only one going through what you're going through. (*hug*) Sorry I can't give better advice, I guess my school days were all too long ago. :icon_wink
I totally agree here, if she likes you but then outs you - that is not someone who is able to show respect as coming out is possibly the hardest thing about being LGBT. But no matter how hard it is right now, always remember you are not on your own (*hug*)
